Page 99 of Beyond the Bright Lights

Tyler’s story is now complete.

Chapter 24 - Mylan

That’s a wrap.

I probably collapsed on that field a hundred times tonight. After each fall, I'd turn to the crowd the moment Jensen yelled cut to see how Lana was coping. She was sitting too far away, so I asked Jensen to check on her. He returned a few takes later to say she was handling it like a rock star.

I meet Lana on the field after she exited the stands, and I give her a big sweaty hug that she gripes at me for being gross and smelly, but she still refuses to let go after we lose ourselves in our kisses.

It’s late, well past two a.m. and I still have to give a couple wrap interviews for the onset documentary crew who films the behind-the-scenes footage.

I ask Lana if she wants to stay but she’s struggling to keep her eyes open, so I send her back to the hotel with my room key. By the time I’m walking through the doors, she’s fast asleep. I shower then crawl into bed, spooning Lana and wrapping my arm around her chest. I inhale her clean scent, her vanilla and berry body spray, and kiss her neck before I, too, surrender to my exhaustion.

We wake up late afternoon and eat breakfast in bed, thankful the hotel staff granted my special request for afternoon pancakes, eggs, and sausage. Once our bellies are full and teeth brushed, we make love.

I savor her body, dreading that this will be the last time I’m inside her. I fear that I’ll never hear those small moans and gasps of pleasure. I anticipate that she’ll take her love away and leave me alone like everyone else.

She knows I want her to come back to L.A. with me. She knows I would stay here for her. But she has yet to make the decision. It’s far too important for me to push her.

If I asked her to make it too early, would she choose neither? I didn’t chance it. Tonight, that changes. If she doesn’t say anything first, then I will ask. I won't leave without her answer. Who am I kidding? I won’t leave without her. I will stay here if she’ll have me.

Another reason I haven’t pushed her is because there are things about me that she still doesn’t know. Things that might scare her away. Things I need to confess. Things I haven’t told her yet in fear of ruining this blissful time with her.

The three-hour drive back to Silo is quiet, just me, Lana, and the driver. Ginger and Bruno follow in Ginger’s Camry. I hold Lana’s hand, caressing my thumb over hers and try to ignore the anticipation thick in the air.

Ginger and Bruno veer off to Ginger’s house for her to get ready, and I drop Lana off so she can change and fix her face (her words, not mine, because her face is perfect). I told her I’d stay while she got ready, but she refused, saying I’d only distract her, and we’d end up fucking and make us late to the party.

True.

She didn’t even want me outside waiting in the car, instead telling me to go and be social. What she really meant was go find Jensen because she wants us to repair our friendship.

My driver pulls up to the small convention hall where the city is allowing us to hold our wrap party. Lana donated the alcohol and Jerry and the Jerry Boys will perform. The old-fashioned diner Lana once took me to donated the food.

I’m one of the first to arrive. Eloise is running late, checking in to the hotel room she booked for tonight. I’ll be staying with Lana, and Bruno with Ginger. Those two aren’t here yet either. I'm not concerned about needing protection because there are two security guards at the door. They'll keep out any fans or media.

The band sets up in a corner and the wait staff puts the final touches on the food. I’m stressed beyond belief and need something to take the edge off. I wander over to the table of liquor bottles.

Three months since I was released from rehab, and I lasted a little over a month this time. Confession number one.

One month is the longest I’ve been sober since I began my downward spiral. I tried so hard not to drink. It started with one glass after a long day of filming. A lonely night of missing Lana. I had called and texted her that night, but she didn’t answer. She must have been asleep. Of course, she was asleep. Yet, my anxiety began boiling. Doubt clouded my brain.

What if she’s not asleep, and she’s not answering because she doesn’t want to talk to you?

What if she’s not answering because it’s over and she doesn’t know how to tell you?

I needed to escape the toxic thoughts. I slipped out of my room, called an Uber because Jonesboro is in a dry county, and had the driver take me to the closest liquor store. I bought a bottle of whiskey.

The month I was with Lana, my addiction shifted to her. Without her, the need to calm my demons became unbearable.

So, I drank.

There I was alone in my hotel room with a full bottle of liquor and no one there to stop me. Not like that day on set when I nearly lashed out at Jensen, when my anger was mounting, and I was seconds from losing my temper. I’d been stopped by Lana’s laughter, by the mere sight of her.

She wasn’t there to stop me the night I decided to pour myself a glass.

Just one glass.

One glass one time quickly became one glass every other night, then one glass every night. I only stopped drinking on the days Lana came to visit. When everything was right again.

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