Page 108 of Beyond the Bright Lights

She fires an imaginary shot. I clutch my chest where the pretend bullet struck. “Brutal, Ging!”

She blows the end of her finger gun and secures it in her invisible holster.

“Go. We will get a flight.”

“We?”

She scoffs. “You think you’re going to L.A. without me?”

Chapter 28 – Mylan

I pace my living room. She’s not going to show. It’s an hour before the premiere and no one’s told me if Lana is on her way.

I could call her. I still have her number written on the receipt she gave me that one day. I changed my own number and got a new phone, so this paper that I keep in my wallet is all I have of her. It's the only way to get in touch. Still, I don't. Because this is her decision.

Okay, it’s not the only way to contact her.

I could log on to social media and check to see if she’s been spotted. I could ask Bruno to text Ginger. He would do it too. Again, I don’t because this is her decision.

Eloise decided not to come back as my assistant because she’s perusing a photography career, taking classes at New York Film Academy's Los Angeles campus. I basically had to beg her to come tonight as my friend. I showed up at her downtown loft and handed her the letter I wrote her during recovery. She read it, cried, then punched me in the shoulder for making her cry.

Now she’s lounging on the couch next to Bruno, feet planted on the coffee table, watching me pace.

“If you don’t sit down, I'm going to kick you in the shin and give you a reason to sit down.”

I stop to glare at her. “She’s not going to show up.”

“She will. Stop worrying.”

Eloise is not concerned one bit. I start pacing again, resulting in an exasperated sigh from her. “Just end your suffering and call her. Or have Bruno call Ginger. I bet even Jensen could get a hold of Lana.”

I throw up my arms in defeat. My relationship with Jensen is still on the mend. After my little stunt crashing the car, he tried to have me fired. The production company wouldn’t even consider it. We only had two weeks of filming left in L.A. and firing me would have meant recasting Tyler's character and reshooting the entire damn movie. So, I was allowed to keep the role, assuring the studio I would be clean for those two weeks (I was). I also had to give them proof I was getting help once filming was finished.

Jensen was pissed, and only spoke to me if it had something to do with the scene.

It was two weeks of agony.

Two weeks wallowing in what I did to Lana. Watching her face fall when I broke her heart nearly had me changing my mind.

Cutting her off was the right decision for me. I started with Lana because severing her from my life was the hardest. Then when I left for treatment, I released Bruno and Eloise from duty, promising to pay their salary for a year.

Part of my recovery was writing a letter to everyone I’d wronged. Eloise got hers in person, but I also sent one to Jensen. I apologized for everything I put him through, explained that I understood his reason for dropping out of my life. There was a lot more groveling. He didn’t write back for a while. Months. Then one day, his letter arrived. His response: We’re good.

Asshole.

It still made me smile with relief because growing up that’s what he’d always text me after every disagreement we’d have. Big or small, physical or verbal.

We’re good.

I wrote everyone a letter except for Lana because she deserved so much more. She deserved a very public apology, and that was the only reason I did the interview this morning.

Eloise stands, hands on her hip. “Look, she’s not going to show up here at your house. If she’s coming, she’ll go straight to the theater. Stop wearing a path in the carpet and let’s go. Traffic is bad, so we’re about to be late.”

I comb my fingers through my hair, not caring if I mess it up. I button my black Armani jacket, adjust the black skinny tie, and nod.

“I can’t believe you’re wearing that dress shirt,” she snorts and walks out of the room.

My anxiety doesn’t ease once inside the limo. I drum my fingers on my shaking knees. My nervous ticks are bad enough that Eloise actually kicks my shin for real this time, and I flip her off. She rolls her eyes and hands me a bottle of water. I drink it all. I’m sweating. My heart races.

---