Page 40 of My Guardian Gryphon

“That’s assuming they haven’t already.”

“True.”

“At least Harrison will be on guard for the next eight hours or so. Meredith said he took over when he was in town. That’ll break up the three hour routine the girls were keeping.”

“You go talk to Riley and the other Lycans for an update. I’ll meet with Rose.”

Worked for me. Rose was the last person I wanted to converse with at the moment. I veered off the sidewalk and headed the back way to Riley’s bar.

Chapter 16

GRETCHEN

My heart pounded in my chest. The large living space held the fifteen of us who weren’t pregnant yet. Only five of the Sisters were pregnant right now, and most of them were close to delivery. The rest of the group had been struggling, even several of the Sister’s who’d had children a couple years ago hadn’t been able to get pregnant again. There was talk of infertility, but no one had determined a cause or a problem. The pixies had done whole-body healings time and again… There was no explanation, at least none that had yet been found.

Until there were more babies, the visions Astrid had of the next Protector would continue to be unclear. She couldn’t see where he or she was. No face. Nothing to help lead the current Protectors to find him or her.

Babies. By the gods, I wanted a baby. My heart and soul longed to hold a bundle of my own in my arms. The men were here for just that reason. We yearned for children. I wasn’t any different, except that I wanted a child by the man I’d fallen hopelessly in love with. The man who’d left Miles Blackmoor’s office with pain in his eyes that I had felt in the depths of my soul.

I wanted him so profoundly I was actually considering sleeping with another man to achieve that goal. I scanned the line-up. Several of my sisters extended hands to old lovers, men they’d been sleeping with for years, though the men didn’t remember them. It was a strange, one-sided relationship my sisters’ had carved into their imaginations. I didn’t hold it against them. They were fulfilling their duty the only way they could. They’d made sense of something senseless.

Better than me. I’d turned away more men than I could count. Listened to more tongue-lashings than I cared to remember. And now…today…I was going to change everything.

I walked up to a slender middle-aged man with hungry eyes. He noticed me immediately, and a lecherous grin formed on his face. My stomach dropped to my feet, and I felt dirty and disgusted with myself all in the same breath. What was I doing?

This is the sacrifice I have to make. It’s the only way to be with Alek. Except I worried that he wouldn’t forgive me. That he wouldn’t look at me the same way. It was either this or never see him again, Rose had made her ultimatum quite clear.

Several of the Sisters near me were staring, not that I blamed them. I’d been sick or missing from every joining since I’d had my first menstruation. Whispers filled the space, and I quickly extended my hand.

He wasn’t ugly. His face was nicely proportioned, and his salt and pepper hair was trimmed neatly beneath a bowler hat. His clothing was fine wool and smelled of cigar smoke. He was vintage wine, and I was a freshly brewed pot of iced tea.

“Please won’t you join me?” My words were forced and clipped. I pasted on a fake smile, and he took my offered hand. His touch sent an uncomfortable thread of angst through my body.

I wanted Alek to be my first. To be my only.

You can do this. It will be worth it in the end. I kept repeating the mantra as I led him to my chambers, all the while dying on the inside. He was going to see me naked. His body would be in my bed. I’d never be able to forget…any of this.

“You are a gem. May I ask your name? I’m Larson. I know I won’t remember you after I leave, but I feel like you should at least know whose name to scream when I make you come until you can’t move tonight.”

Air froze in my lungs, but I forced myself to keep walking. To not scream and flail and take flight from that spot. I wanted to leave him standing in the hallway and disappear into the bowels of the castle.

They’d never find me. Not in time to guilt me into doing anything. It’d worked for years. It would work again, but then…I’d be making Alek wait and wonder longer. I’d be drawing out my own torture. It was better to get it over with right now.

“I-I’m Gretchen.”

“Beautiful name for a beautiful woman.”

That sick feeling returned, creeping up from the floor, around my legs, and up my spine until I wanted to hurl. It squeezed and squeezed, determined to rid my body of anything I’d eaten today. I sucked in a quick breath through my mouth, trying to ward off the gagging reflex hard at work in the back of my throat. If I didn’t sleep with—Larson—it would just be someone else the next weekend. And then again and again. Possibly months until I conceived. Oh, gods! I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this.

I pressed my eyes shut and paused. He didn’t push or pull. Just stood there, waiting patiently, like the gentleman he was dressed to appear. But a man who led a first interaction talking about making me scream his name was far from a gentleman.

“Are you well?”

I could say no. All I had to say was no and this whole charade was done, finished, at least for this weekend, but it wouldn’t solve my problem. It wouldn’t get me what my heart truly desired.

Only sex with a stranger would do that.

Fuck you, Rose.

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