Page 128 of Fractured Frets

I wished I could believe her. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. “No more loose promises, Mom. We need to make changes. Big ones.”

“We will. I will. About that...” She straightened on her bed. “What’s happening when Slip gets out of rehab? Have you two worked things out?”

“No.” I slumped back in the chair. “I’ve had no contact with him since Sutton’s birthday last month.”

“Why not?” Confusion drifted across her eyes.

I’d told no one other than Sutton about what had happened at Slip’s place after her party. It hurt too much just thinking about it. It had taken time to process that Slip and I had derailed and ended up in more of a mess than we’d been in when we’d started. “We couldn’t find a way to work. We held onto a dream that wasn’t viable. Our lives are too busy and too separate. He’ll always be jetting off somewhere with his music and is tied to the band. I’m in Vancouver and have to take care of you.”

Mom’s head sank deeper into the pillow. “Oh, Maddy—”

“No, Mom. It’s fine.” It wasn’t. But I had other priorities and responsibilities that overruled any feelings I still held for him. “You’re more important.” I had no room for anybody else in my life. “Slip and I had too many hurdles we couldn’t overcome. We couldn’t give our relationship the time it needed, and it caused too many trust issues.”

“Sweetheart.” Sorrow washed over her eyes. “That man adores you, and...” She winced and closed her eyes. “You love him.”

I shrugged like I didn’t care, but my heart didn’t share the same sentiment. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does.” She shuffled around on the bed to face me. She coughed, wheezed, and straightened her oxygen tube, then pinned me with a stern glare. “So stop right now. I hate seeing you miserable. And it’s my fault.” Tears welled in her eyes as she shook her head. “I’ve been an awful mom. I saw how much you loved each other, and I got jealous. I was afraid he’d take you away from me. I’ve never found anyone to be in a relationship with because of my health. I never trusted men after your father left. I was hurt, scared, and wanted to hold on to you.” She closed her eyes, and her chin trembled. “I’ve done some horrible things.”

A chill ran down my spine, straightening me in my chair. “Like what? What did you do?”

She lowered her gaze and fidgeted with the blanket. “There have been times I’ve called you home from functions or your catchups with friends so I could spend more time with you. Imay have exaggerated one or two incidents so I could see you. I opted to have my operation, so you’d come back from Italy and we could have our time together.”

“What. The. Fuck?” I leaped from my chair and paced the room. “You lied to me?” My heart splintered like kindle. My own mother? “Slip told me you were playing me, and I refused to believe him.”

“He was right.” Shame sucked the light from her eyes. I wanted to tear them out.

“Fuck, Mom.” I jabbed my finger at her. “I live my life around you. Do everything for you. And you’ve just used me? Taken advantage of me? Stressed me out?”

“Not always, but on occasion...yes. I’m so sorry.” A tear slid down Mom’s cheek. I hoped it burned her flesh.

“You’re sorry? Is that it? Fuck...” I stopped at the foot of the bed. My head fell back as I closed my eyes. Exhaustion pressed down on my shoulders. “I am so tired. Tired of work and worrying about you and Slip. The stress is killing me. My health suffered and I don’t sleep well anymore. I’m over everything.”

I sank onto the end of the mattress. What a fool I’d been.

“Oh Madison.” Mom flicked her tears away. “I hate seeing you unhappy. I have held onto you for far too long. You are a beautiful woman with so much love and care to give. You deserve to follow your heart and be with someone you love.”

“I did...do love Slip. But it’s over now.” God. I sounded like a Roxette song.

“Stop being afraid. He’s not Noah. He’s not your father.” Solemness dialed down her tone. “Slip might always struggle with pain, and constantly fight the allure of a pill or drink, but there is no one more capable of helping him deal with those things than you. You are strong. Much stronger than you think. It took strength to walk away, but it takes even more strength to stay together. You love him, so fight for him.”

“I have. I’m over it. Done.”

“Sometimes you need to quit, but now is not that time. He needs you, and you need him. I’ve pushed you to have a great career, so you didn’t have to rely on someone to support you. You’ve done that. You’ve worked so hard and have taken care of me, but in doing so, you’ve refused to let anyone get close to you. But Slip got through the cracks.” A warm glint returned to her eyes. “I hate to admit it, and may not show it often, but I like him. He puts a smile on your face. He doesn’t take any bullshit and deep down, I truly believe he’s a good man.” Mom leaned toward me, drawing the IV tube onto the bed. She rested her bandaged arm across her stomach. “You have the chance to be happy. Do whatever is necessary to make that happen. I’ve messed up your life for long enough. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. I’ll be okay.”

I wished life was that simple, but it wasn’t. I picked at the fluff on the cotton blanket. “I can’t do that, Mom. It’s not possible when you need care. Whether you want to admit it or not, your health is deteriorating. So I can look after you better, I need you to help me out and move to Canada. Just while I’m working on this show.”

“No.” Mom shook her head as she rested back against the bed. “I’m not leaving LA. Bridget will look after me.”

Bridget already went beyond the call of duty to take care of Mom. I couldn’t burden her with more tasks and responsibilities. “She’s an employee. She needs time off. A life. She can only look after you part-time around her other health-care work.”

Mom pursed her lips as she fidgeted and wound her oxygen cord around her finger. “What if that changed?”

Confusion stumbled through my brain. “How so?”

“What if she doesn’t want to be my paid caretaker anymore?”

My pulse spiked. My temples throbbed. “What? Does she want to quit? Did you lie to her too? Has she gotten a new job?” Shit. I didn’t have time to find someone else.

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