Page 124 of Fractured Frets

I needed help.

A lot of it.

I was an utter mess.

I dragged my feet into the kitchen, grabbed a cup from the cupboard, and made myself a strong, black coffee. Closing my eyes, I swallowed the pill, loathing myself as I cleared my throat.

I had to fix myself before I could fix anything else, including my marriage to Maddy. No, wait...I’d already destroyed what we’d had. Dick.

I headed over to the sofa to join the guys. I sank onto the seat beside Lewis and raked my fingers through my unruly hair, unable to meet anyone’s gaze. Sweat pooled on my temples and nape. My leg jiggled. It took all my strength to focus on the hard conversation we had to have. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted to get like this. I was okay, but then I wasn’t. So...thank youfor coming over. For staying. For kicking my ass.”

“We haven’t even begun to kick your ass.” Cole’s tone hovered lower than the piece of shit I felt like.

“We talked to Maddy.” Flint’s voice came out in a pained rasp. “She’s okay. She’s on her way back to Vancouver.”

My vision blurred as I stared into my coffee. What was left of my tattered heart didn’t want to beat. “Did she tell you we’re over?”

“Yep.” Flint nodded. “You did too. Numerous times.”

Fuck. “It’s my fault we ended.”

“Yep,” Cole agreed.

“I let this go too far.”

“You sure did,” Lewis sighed.

“I didn’t handle any of this well.”

“Nope,” they said in unison.

I took a sip of coffee, letting the bitterness burn the back of my throat and the steam singe the aching hole in my chest. “I hurt her real bad. I lied. Broke promises. I said things I shouldn’t have said while I was wasted.”

Lewis swiveled toward me and leaned against the cushions. “I’m sure you’ll work things out. You always do.”

“I don’t think so. Not this time.” I placed my cup on the coffee table and sank back into the sofa. My shoulders sagged—I was defeated. Now my head was clear, the conversations with Maddy crashed into me, and the truth slammed into my chest. The last filament of hope had been shot in the ass and died. There was nothing left of our marriage to salvage. Thanks to me.

“Loving each other was never enough. We could never come up with a plan for living together. Seeing each other was difficult. Our insecurities killed what we had.” I grabbed a cushion and squashed it, twisted it, and crushed it against my chest. “She never trusted me around Harper. It cut me, wore away at me...exhausted me. I did everything I could to prove to Maddy she was it, but nothing sank in.”

Confusion etched into Cole’s brow. “Harper? But you’re never around her. Was she the reason you broke up?”

“One of the many reasons.” It churned my gut that Maddy hadn’t trusted me. But maybe I was at fault. I should’ve asked Cole to fire Harper months ago to eliminate Maddy’s concerns. I shouldn’t have held onto so much hope and faith that Maddy would see that I was hers. “There’s nothing between Harper and me. Nothing. Never was or will be. But Harper taunted Maddy—she didn’t help the situation.”

“I’ll fucking kill her,” Cole fumed. “I never wanted her coming home to cause any problems.”

“Yeah, well, she did.” I rubbed and scratched my stubble. “Unintentionally, but she did.”

“I’m so sorry.” Cole placed his empty cup on the coffee table. “Harps is incredible with the kids, but she knew the deal. Any issues, I’ll kick her ass back to Nepal.”

Harper was his cousin. I couldn’t ask him to do that. He’d struggled to find a nanny in the first place—I didn’t want him to go through the entire process again. “You don’t have to fire her. Maddy’s gone.” God, that hurts. But I puffed air through my nose and smirked. “And Harps is banging Sloane.”

“Damn!” Flint’s mouth slid into a grin. “I had an inkling about those two. Think they joined the mile-high club on the way home.”

“Yeah. They did.” My tired voice didn’t alter. Harper had told me at Flint’s. Before everything had turned to shit with Maddy. “Women. Why do they always fuck us up?”

“We’re suckers for good pussy.” Flint chuckled and rolled his coffee cup between his hands. “We’re rendered useless when we find the right girl.” But then he held his cup still. “Slip, no relationship is perfect. You and Mads had your fair share of arguments. Being apart didn’t help. But she was good for you. She made you smile. Laugh. Happy. It has been good to see you do those things again after losing Phil.”

“I haven’t done those things very often since we got married, either. Yeah, we had fun together, but I screwed up and deserved to lose her.” That was the truth. I fidgeted with my leather wristbands, tugging at one toggle. “We’ve done nothing but stress each other out after getting hitched. I would’ve done anything for her, but we couldn’t find a way to work. I wasn’t what she needed. I was never fucking good enough.”

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