Page 36 of Fractured Frets

“Because I’m worried.”

Anguish and fear and pain flooded his eyes. Shaking his head, he lowered his chin. He inhaled sharply, then let it out slowly. “But the truth just makes me out to be an asshole. And I don’t want you to think that way about me.”

“I would rather know you were an asshole than be standing here, thinking you’re denying you have feelings for her.”

“I don’t.” He cupped my face between his palms. “I honestly don’t.”

“Then tell me about her.” I lowered his hands and held them tight. I hated being insecure and jealous, but to move forward, to get past this, I needed to know the details. It was like some twisted, sick illness that had to be fed. God, I’m a fucked up mess.

Trouble furrowed his brow as he nodded. “Okay.”

We walked over to a sun lounger and sat side by side.

He held my hand between his and kissed my fingers, then fidgeted and fumbled with my wedding rings. “You know I lost my virginity to her, but it was nothing romantic or special. I was a shit of a guy.”

“How so?”

“When she moved into Cole’s place during our senior year and she was in her final semester at college, she was the first girl to show any interest in me. I was a skinny, pimply, awkward teenager. All my friends had lost their virginity—even Phil, who was two years younger than me. I was the only one of us guys who hadn’t. Cole’s parents were always away. He threw this party one night. I got drunk and just wanted to sleep with someone to find out what all the fuss was about. Get it over and done with. Harper was there.”

“You’re not the first person to fuck someone just to lose their V-card. But you kept seeing her, right?”

Shadows darkened his eyes as he stared toward the pool. “For a few months, yes. Mads, my first time was awful. I had no idea what I was doing. I blew my load within seconds. She didn’t talk to me for weeks afterward. I was really bad in the sack.”

Thank goodness he’d learned a lot since then. I’d never complain about that.

“But at the next party, she suggested a rerun. She offered to teach me a few things. We hooked up several more times at different parties. I got better at it. I fucking liked her tongue ring. That’s it. We never went out on a date. She never came to our gigs. She was never my girlfriend. It was just sex.”

Confusion rattled my brain. “So why did it end badly?”

He entwined our fingers and held them against his thigh. “She wanted more; I didn’t. She wouldn’t accept no for an answer...So I did a shitty thing and fucked another girl at Cole’s next party, just so she saw me with someone else. It got the message through, loud and clear. She got angry and upset. Two broken lamps, three picture frames, and one window later, she left. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I did.”

“So she’s unstable?” Should I be worried about getting knifed in the dark?

“Harper? God, no. She just didn’t handle the end well.”

“Okay. So if it ended badly, why did you go back to her?”

He shot out a short breath as he stretched out his legs. “Because I was fucking stupid. Or drunk. High. Traumatized. I wanted something with no strings and no hassle.”

Hmph. I could relate to that. It was how Slip and I used to be. “Did you know she had feelings for you?”

“When I was in high school, yeah.” He swiveled my wedding band around my finger, then realigned it with my engagement ring. “She left for about a year and I’d thought she’d put what had happened between us behind her. When we hooked up again, we agreed it was just for some innocent fun. Clearly that went wrong.”

“A bit like us?” I nudged my arm against his.

“No.” Certainty set in his soft tone. “Hooking up with you again and again has never been wrong. I tried to deny it, Mads, but I’ve been yours from the moment we met. We’re together because we fell in love. I never loved Harper. I swear on my heart and soul, she’s not an issue. I’m yours and yours only.” He kissed my hand, like he always did.

God, I loved that.

But my fucked up head wouldn’t let things rest. “It’s hard when she’s into you, and you’re around her all the time. Temptation, for old times’ sake.”

“Nope. None.” His calm voice held no ripples or cracks. “I honestly don’t see Harper very much. She’s been to maybe two or three shows with Charlotte. She rarely eats with us, never travels in the same car or bus as we do, and always stays in a suite with Cole. The guys and I are at the venues from mid-afternoon onwards doing sound check, meet and greets, and the show. She’s never around. So you have nothing to worry about.”

“All I do is worry,” I whispered.

“What can I do to stop that?” He hooked his arm around my shoulders and rubbed my bicep. “I can’t leave the tour. I can’t come home more often. You’re filming. We’ve just got to ride this out for five more months. It’s not that long.”

“I know.” I sniffled as tears prickled my eyes. “I’ve never been insecure or jealous before. I don’t like being like this. But I don’t trust her.”

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