Page 120 of Fractured Frets

I dreamed you were the one.

But no . . .

Now we are over and done.

Arrrrgh! I jabbed at the strings harder and harder. With my body coated in sweat, I couldn’t get enough of the energy coursing through my veins. I danced. I played. I spun around...

Fuck!

I froze to the spot.

My heart plummeted to the floor.

Maddy stood just inside the doorway. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Her chin quivered. “You promised.”

I closed my eyes and sucked in a ragged breath, holding onto what little calm I had left. “What promise are you specifically referring to?”

“You said you wouldn’t scare me again.” The fear in her eyes buckled my knees. Her disappointment destroyed my soul. Not that there was much left of it anyway. “But I’ve walked in here, and you’re high as a fucking kite. There’s coke all over the kitchen counter. Seeing you like this terrifies me, Slip. What the fuck?”

I clenched my teeth and my jaw and tightened my hand around the neck of my guitar. “I haven’t touched coke since last weekend, I swear. But after what happened at Sutton’s, I just wanted to let off some steam. Feel better.”

“You don’t need that crap to do that, Slip.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. You’re taking it too often. If you want to live like this, go ahead. But leave me out of it. I came over to say I’m sorry and to work things out. But each time we try to take a step forward, something knocks us back. Over and over again. It’s exhausting. And stressful. And each time, leaves another scar on my heart. You’ve lied to me. Broken too many promises. You’ve got a problem and won’t fucking admit it.”

“No. I don’t,” I muttered through clenched teeth.

“You do.” With tears glistening on her cheeks, she took slow steps back toward the door. “You’ve been on pain meds for more than two years. You can’t live without taking them and are taking stronger and stronger dosages. You’ve dabbled in other drugs since high school. Your hip isn’t the only issue here—our marriage is too. For that, I am beyond sorry. I was too damaged and hate that I broke you.” A tear caught on the tip of her cheek, then slowly slid down, catching on the top of her lip. Lips I’d kissed and loved—I had embedded their curve, taste, and touch into my mind. God, I missed them.

She flicked the droplet away. “We wanted a dream that just isn’t possible. I love you, but I, too, can’t do this anymore. I thought I could—I really did. But walking in here and finding you like this isn’t what I signed up for. You’ve gone beyond taking meds for your hip and rec drugs for an occasional bit of fun. You’ve crossed a line, and I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t in control.”

My whole body quaked. Sweat ran down my face. I held out my shaky hand. “Maddy...I am.” Just seeing her there kick-started my heart. Wait...nope...that was the cocaine. She’d wanted to apologize. Fix us. Fight for us...and like always, I’d fucked up. I’d made a huge mistake. Again. “Please, give me a chance to explain.”

“No, Slip. You already have. You were right.” Fresh tears shimmered across her eyes. “Before we break each other any further, we need to end this. We’ve ruined each other enough. I never wanted to hurt you or for you to get sick. I failed you as a wife. But I will help you get better in any way I can...as a friend. It breaks my heart, but we need time apart. To put this mess behind us. You need to focus on getting clean. I need to work on my health and take care of Mom. I love you, but like you, I’m done. I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

Maddy turned and dashed toward the door.

“Maddy...wait.” I ripped off my guitar and with a hobble, I followed her at a run. “Please. Stop.”

“No.”

Fuck! We’d had heated discussions in the past, let the fire die down, then had always talked things through. But this was different. I’d never heard such finality in her tone. This time we’d gone too far. Fuck. My mind scrambled. How could I salvage this mess? Was there anything left to save?

I couldn’t find a spark. I searched through the depths of my brain, my soul, my heart...There was nothing left to ignite.

I’d reached my limit.

So had she.

She snatched her purse off the kitchen counter and clutched it against her chest. “I don’t need any more lies or broken promises. This is what my gut tried to tell me all along. You have a problem. I didn’t see how bad it was because you’re just like my mother.” She charged past me and headed down the hall toward the garage. She opened the door and spun to face me. Her red eyes burned into mine and tore my lungs to shreds. “But what makes you worse than Mom is that you’re on a sliding path toward harder crap. If you stay on this course, you’ll end up like Phil...in a box, six feet under the ground. I don’t want you to be like that.” She pressed the button to raise the garage door. “Please, get help. Before it’s too late.” She walked backward toward her car and opened the door. She slid into the driver’s seat and started the engine.

She gave me one last glance through the window. Her tears scorched my brain as she mouthed, ‘Bye, Slip.’

Pain sliced and stabbed my heart. Don’t let her go. Fight for her. Fight. Fight. FIGHT!

There it is . . . my flame. For her.

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