Page 137 of Tortured Tones

“Me too,” Flint whispered.

“I loved Phil.” I rubbed the ache in my chest. “He was like a brother to me, and I killed him.”

“No, you didn’t.” Flint’s tone sharpened but held an undercurrent of grief and loss. “Phil was an addict long before that night. The three of us, you, me, and Slip, let him down. We should’ve pulled him into line sooner. We were days out from forcing him into rehab, but we never got the chance.” He closed his eyes and lowered his chin. “I’ve never grieved like I did after losing him. It should’ve been me driving. I should’ve helped him sooner. I should’ve died in the crash too. I miss him every day. We all did things we shouldn’t have done. You weren’t the only one who fed him drugs and booze. Slip and I had a hand in that too. It’s not just on you.”

My head thudded under the pressure. We’d all borne too much. “How do you deal with it? The guilt?” Because I’m not.

“I didn’t. Not for a long time.” Flint staggered back a step and leaned against the table. “I kept drinking and drinking, hoping to stop hurting, but I never did. What I did with booze you did by going out to every event, partying at every chance, and screwing women. You’re doing everything to avoid processing your loss. That’s not healthy. So talk to me. Get help. Do something. You can’t go on like this.” He stabbed his finger toward my chest. “You gave me an ultimatum after losing Phil—now I’m giving you one. Get your shit together. For you and your daughter.”

I clenched my hands and my fists. I didn’t want to hear it. “I was okay before Charlotte showed up.”

“No, you weren’t. You just had more time on your hands—now that’s changed. If we’ve learned anything out of all the heartbreak and loss we’ve gone through over the past few years isn’t it to be honest with each other? Isn’t that what we’ve always said? You’ve always been the first to help, the one to step up, the one we can always rely on. You’ve taken everybody’s issues onboard and helped us through messed up times. But you forgot to take care of yourself in the process. I’m a shitty friend for not seeing it sooner.”

Flint could never have been a shitty friend, not even if he tried. I just didn’t want to burden anyone with my problems. “Everyone’s got crap going on, Flint.”

“Yes, but if you don’t deal with it, you’re going to keep spiraling.” Worry clouded his eyes. “I don’t want to see that happen. I’ve been in the gutter—it’s not pretty. I only survived thanks to you and Slip.” He slumped as he sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly as if in pain. “There are times I’m still broken and riddled with guilt over losing Phil. But I’ve learned from my mistakes. I’ve learned to live better. Love deeper. Be true to myself. And most of all, focus on what is important. I treasure every moment I’m with you guys and Sutton, and playing music. Everything else is down the list. We’re not teenagers anymore, Cole. Life is changing. Our family is growing. We’re on our biggest tour. Take a breath and let that sink in.”

“That’s just it.” I raked my fingers through my hair and paced the floor in front of the equipment trunks. “All I’ve ever wanted to do is play music, tour, and party, have fun and enjoy women. But it’s not all going to plan.”

“We’re doing most of those things, but Charlotte has forced you to change. And so has meeting someone you like.” Frustration embedded into his tone. “Stop fighting something that you’ve denied yourself for too long. Don’t be foolish and let something that has the potential to be incredible pass you by. You don’t just like Ava—you’ve fallen for her. Isn’t what you had with Priah or Aidan worth taking another chance on?”

Ava was the first girl who’d made me consider that. I wanted her to stay, but she didn’t. “She doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“Fine then.” Flint shrugged his shoulder. His carefree, so-be-it attitude didn’t sit well in my stomach...or my chest. “Put her behind you. Forget about her and move the fuck on.”

Fire ripped through my veins, and I punched the air. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” He shot to his feet.

“Because I fucking like her,” I hissed.

“Then do something about it.”

“What?” The thudding in my head pounded like an amphitheater full of bass drums. “What the fuck am I supposed to do when she doesn’t want me?”

Ava wasn’t the problem—I was.

I wasn’t good enough for her.

I braced my hands against the top edge of an equipment trunk and dug my fingers into the cold metal. “Family comes first. So just like Priah, Ava left to focus on hers and I’m here with mine.” I grabbed onto the trunk tighter and tighter. “I have Charlotte to take care of. She has Josh.” I punched the trunk then marched over to the table and took a swig of vodka. “I’m not gonna waste another day caring about someone who doesn’t want me in their life.”

“Do you honestly believe she doesn’t want to be with you? If you do, you’re a fool.” Flint swiped the bottle out of my hand and took a mouthful. “You’ve been into each other since the day you met. You’ve both been hurt before. She was horrified that Luther had her followed. She walked away to protect you from his crazy ass.” He tilted the bottle and pointed his finger at my face. “You played your part in causing this mess whether you like it or not. The thing is, what are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing.”

He narrowed his eyes and snarled. “Haven’t you learned anything from the past or any of your mistakes?”

“Yeah.” I grunted. “Don’t get fucking close to anyone.”

“No.” He placed the bottle down and folded his arms. “For someone so smart, you can be fucking stupid. Use that head of yours. Tell me, why are we such good friends?”

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. What does that have to do with this? Why had we been best friends for more than sixteen years? That was a no brainer. Everything I’d gone through with Charlotte reinforced why. “No matter what shit we’re going through or do, we’re always there for each other. Love each other. Trust each other.”

“Yep. Always” He dipped his chin, then drilled me with a challenging glare. “Why were you with Shelby and so cut up over Priah?”

Why? As I lowered my chin, heartache stabbed my chest. I jammed my hands on my hips and sniffled. “I cared about them so much.”

“Uh-huh.” He leaned forward a fraction, adding a hardness to his tone. “Why do you feel responsible for what happened to Aidan and Phil?”

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