“Ava. Stop.” He leaned back against the melamine lockers. “This, you and I, is so hard to process. I had a plan for this tour, to live it up and be with women across the globe, but you’re constantly in my head.”
I am? Shit. I grabbed his gym bag for his clothes and sat on the floor next to him. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. This was a total lava pool of mess. A mess that had to stop. “Cole, neither one of us expected this or wants this.” The ache in my chest burned. I liked him too much, but the tie between us had to be severed. “I don’t want this to be anything. I have spent too long getting my life back on track after my divorce. I need to do my job. Do everything for my son. I’m not going to fuck that up. We can’t and don’t want to become involved.”
“It’s fucked up, but we are.” He pulled on his T-shirt, then leaned back against the lockers again. His shoulders slumped. “Trust me, a relationship is the last thing I want. But I’m putting it out there—we could have fun for the next couple months before we go our separate ways.”
My body still hummed from orgasming. Fucking Cole on a regular basis would be mind-blowing, hot, but just not sane. My heart wanted to shake me, slap me, and say ‘go for it,’ but my head overruled it. “Nice try, drummer boy. I can’t do that. We don’t want these feelings to develop further. We’ll only end up hurting each other. I can’t go through that again. ”
He lowered his chin. “Neither can I.”
I swiveled to sit beside him and rested my head back against the lockers. “We can’t repeat this. I’m going to swap with Beckett when he gets back after Christmas. I can’t cover you anymore.”
“I don’t want you to do that. For Charlotte’s sake. She trusts you. I trust you.”
“Cole, I’m sorry.” Stay strong. “I can’t jeopardize my team. My job. Your safety or the band’s.”
“I’m sorry. But I’m not sorry I like you.”
“Same.” I patted his bare leg. Legs I’d wrapped mine around, clawed my nails into, kissed, and touched. Nope, no more daydreaming. “You’d better get your shorts on before Jade gets here.”
Just as he finished dressing and took a seat on the bench, Jade rushed in with her medical bag. Her short black hair spiked in different directions like she’d been zapped by a power socket. Dressed in a hoodie over her pajamas and UGG boots, she’d gotten here quicker than the Flash. I’d hated having to wake her.
“Cole?” Jade placed her bag on the bench and opened it. “Ava said you fainted. Have you been getting headaches? Dizzy spells? Feeling nauseous?” She checked his throat, ears, eyes, and temperature.
“Yeah.” Cole nodded; his leg never stopped jiggling. “Occasionally.”
“For how long?” As Jade took Cole’s blood pressure, the grooves in her brow deepened.
“It started about two months before the tour.”
“Are you overly anxious? Stressed? Worried?”
“Right now I’m not.” His eyes glinted as he glanced at me.
Sex might have helped a fraction, but that was a temporary fix. He took too much onboard, never stopped, and never asked for help. But it was time he did.
My concern for him got the better of me. “Cole?” I cut in. “Tell Jade the truth, or I will. Be honest. Please.”
The glint in his gaze disappeared only to be replaced by dark clouds. His eyebrows pinched together. He fidgeted with the neckline of his T-shirt, then rubbed the back of his neck and tapped his foot. He sucked in a deep breath and nodded. “I worry about everything, all the fucking time. My mind never stops racing.”
After a few more checks, Jade put her stethoscope back in her bag. “Cole, your blood pressure is low. You’re dehydrated and fatigued. Let’s get you back to your room. I’m going to give you an IV of fluids and you’re on strict orders to rest. That means no going out partying. No exercise. No late nights. No alcohol. Nothing. You stay in your room. Read a book. Watch TV. Sleep.”
“But—”
“No buts. You have two days off, so you have no excuse. If you don’t, you won’t make it through the next show or to the end of the tour. I’ll get Ava to make sure you don’t leave your room.” She threw me a sideways glance. “Can you do that?”
“Um...yes. I’ll sort out something.” Hotel security could alert me if he left his room. Easy.
“Good.” She sighed and sympathy softened her tone. “I can’t believe you had to work out with him at this hour.”
Oh, we’d had a steamy workout. But there would be no more working up a sweat with Cole. I smoothed my hand over my wet hair. “The joys of being security detail.”
“Lucky you were here, found him, and called me.”
“I would prefer to be asleep.” That was the truth.
She zipped up her bag. “Cole, are you sleeping?”
“No. Not well.” He pulled on his socks and shoes.