Page 48 of Tortured Tones

Tears welled in my eyes. Guessed I was the only one still trying to find peace with what had happened. Still trying to slot Charlotte into my life. I was far from okay. But every day was a step in the right direction. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” He glanced over to Charlotte, sitting on the stool eating another breadstick. “How could you not love that kid? She’s fucking adorable.”

“Don’t be deceived by her cuteness.”

But then his tone turned serious again. “So...Shelby must have told her about us. Why? If she had no intention of telling you Charlotte existed.”

“Fuck, man. I don’t know. I can only speculate. Maybe she told Charlotte stories about her high school friends, and that you were her old boyfriend, along with a gazillion other stories you tell your kid about growing up...or maybe she did it in case something happened, so that we wouldn’t be complete strangers. It sucks we’ll never know the real reason.”

“Yeah.” Flint slapped his hand against my knee and gave it a gentle nudge. “Are you positive you’re alright?”

I rested my head back on the sofa and stared up at the high ceiling. A dull ache loomed in the back of my skull. “My head hasn’t stopped spiraling. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

“Cole.” He swiveled toward me, placed his elbow on the back of the sofa, and rested his head in his hand. His gaze drilled into me, pinning to the spot. “It’s okay to let down that guard of yours. It’s okay to love your daughter. It’s what you’re supposed to do. Love her no matter what. When my parents wouldn’t talk to me after Phil died, it broke me.” The painful memory, and the concern radiating off him, slammed into my chest. I’d seen him hit rock bottom; it had taken everything Slip and I’d had to save him. “Don’t ever do anything like that to Charlotte. I know you better than anyone—even Tia. You’re trying to be cool, calm, and collected and pretend you’ve got everything under control. But you haven’t. Not yet. And that’s okay. It’s only been several days. Give it time.”

“I don’t have time. Our schedule is overflowing.”

He shook his head. “It’s not just about hours in the day. It’s about letting someone new in. You’ve avoided letting anyone else get close to you since Priah left. I get that. But now you’ve got no other choice. You have to love Charlotte. She’s your daughter. You’re all she’s got.”

I held onto the chains around my heart. How could I let go when there was no certainty? “It’s so fucking hard to do that. This isn’t a permanent thing yet.” I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want things to change. I didn’t know how to take care of a kid.

“Then do everything humanly possible to ensure it becomes permanent. She’s turned your world upside down. Mine did, too, when I lost my brother. You and Slip were there for me. Now, we’re here for you. Don’t risk losing her. Don’t try and do everything yourself. I don’t want to see you go down a path of self-destruction like I did. Let’s not go through that shit again.”

“I’m not that fucked up.” Maybe I was worse.

“Thanks for that.” He half-grinned and thumped me in the arm. “But like you did for me after losing Phil, I’m giving you an ultimatum.”

My blood pressure spiked. “What? Why?” I wasn’t bordering on being a raging alcoholic in need of rehab, was I? Nope. “I don’t need an ultimatum.”

“Yes, you do.” He jabbed his index finger into my bicep. “Get your shit together and be the dad that kid needs. Step one—ask for help.”

The mild ache in my head turned into a hard throb behind my eyes. “How can I do that when all I’ve done is lie and hurt the people I’ve loved?”

“The people who truly love you will stand by you through everything. Especially me.”

I slumped deeper into the sofa, overwhelmed by how much he cared. “I just don’t know where to start. I need help with everything.”

“Break it down. What’s the biggest thing you need right now?”

“A full-time nanny before we go overseas.” I could ask Min. Her friend Isla knew a nanny. Her network of contacts might lead to finding someone. But if they were anything like Min, that wouldn’t be good. I’d end up with them in my bed. That’s not what I wanted. I needed a nanny I wouldn’t be tempted by.

“Well done.” Flint slapped me on the shoulder. “You asked for help. Was it that bad?”

I sneered at him. “No.”

“We’ve made progress.” He waved toward our friends in the kitchen. “We’ll ask these guys if they know someone. If they don’t have anyone in mind, we’ll start widening the circle. We know a lot of people. We’ll find someone that will put up with your crazy ass and your kid.”

“Okay. Let’s do this.”

Flint and I eased to our feet and joined the others in the kitchen. Sutton was pulling out the pasta dishes from the oven and placing them on the table. Slip was cutting the garlic bread and piling the slices into a breadbasket I didn’t even know I owned. Lewis had poured the girls glasses of wine.

“Hey, everyone?” Flint grabbed a few beers out of the fridge and handed them out. “Cole needs a nanny for Charlotte. Anyone got any ideas?”

As I took a sip of my drink, warmth meandered through my chest. The only way to survive being a single dad was with help from my friends. I needed them—now more than ever.

I eased in beside Charlotte at the kitchen island and kissed her head. Something about her seeped through the cracks in my heart. I kept trying to resist it but couldn’t. She sat on the stool, sang “la, la, la” along to the music playing through the speakers and drummed two breadsticks against the counter. Yep. She was mine. No question about it.

Lewis downed a mouthful of his beer, then clicked his fingers and pointed at me. “Actually, I might know someone. It’s a long shot, but my brother wants to move to Cali. Lee’s a school accountant but his partner, Mateo, is an elementary teacher. I’m not sure if being a nanny is something he or they’d be interested in, but I’ll ask.”

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