Page 133 of Tortured Tones

“I fucking know that. I care about her. I tried to stay away. But all I’m good at is fucking up people’s lives. So keep away from me, or shit will happen to you too. And I don’t want that.”

“You just gonna do nothing?” At my door, he grabbed my shoulder and spun me to face him. Heavy clouds drifted across his dark blue eyes. “How can you do that?”

My heart punched my ribs. How more fucked up could this situation get? “It’s what she wants.” I swiped my room key and pushed open the door. “Leave, Becks. I’ll see you for sound check.”

I stormed toward the kitchenette in my suite and grabbed a bottle of vodka off the counter. I cracked the lid and took a swig.

Hannah walked out of her room.

Charlotte came running toward me and crashed into my legs. “Where’d you go?”

“Hey.” I placed the bottle down, swooped her up into my arms, and gave her a hug. Somehow that eased the turmoil in my mind...for one second. I slumped back against the counter as if the air around me weighed too much. “I said goodbye to Ava. She had to go home.”

“Why?” Sadness flooded Charlotte’s big green eyes. “When is she coming back?”

My heart lurched like it had been ripped backward on a bungee cord. But then I glared at Hannah. Too many conflicting emotions tore through my ribs. This wasn’t her fault...but it was. Hannah was amazing with Charlotte, and a kind soul, but if she hadn’t fallen asleep while minding Charlotte, Ava would still be here. We wouldn’t have had hundreds of people scouring the venue, looking for my daughter. I wouldn’t have spent the night with Ava. But she’d still be with us.

I swallowed the dry lump in my throat. “She’s not coming back. She had to go home early to her new job.”

The color drained from Hannah’s face. “Oh no.”

“Will we see her again?” Charlotte played with the zipper on my leather jacket, zooming it up and down.

I caught her hand and held it against the pain in my spleen. The truth was an uppercut to my guts. Ava and I were too messed up to be together. “Probably not.”

“But I like her.” Charlotte pouted.

“Me too.” I put Charlotte down. “Go watch TV for a minute.”

She took off into her bedroom and Hannah rushed forward.

“Oh Cole. What happened?”

I downed a mouthful of vodka. As I closed my eyes, I took a deep breath. “She got pulled from the team for overstepping her position last night when looking for Charlotte and...because we got involved.”

“Oh, dear.” Hannah’s hand trembled as she fidgeted with the neckline of her sweater. “I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t want to hear it.” The thudding boom inside my head offered little distraction. I didn’t want to listen to anyone or think about anything. I just wanted to drink. Fuck. “Please watch Charlotte. I need a minute or ten.”

I staggered out onto the balcony into the freezing cold and sank onto the damp ground. I wanted numbness to consume me. Feel nothing. As I leaned against the wall, I guzzled mouthfuls of vodka, trying to drown the sickening guilt that resided in the pit of my stomach.

I’d fucked up again.

I’d ruined someone’s life again. Ava’s life.

All because I cared, and what I’d thought was right was wrong.

It was Aidan and Shelby and Priah and Phil all over again.

Fuck.

I stared at the dull sky and muttered, my breath misting before me. “I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to get involved with anyone.” I took another mouthful of vodka and laughed. I had to or I’d just end up more of a broken mess than I already was.

Fuck.

I never wanted to hurt anyone ever again. And that was all I’d done.

The doorbell to my suite chimed.

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