Page 100 of Tortured Tones

Tia often joined us on our bus, but she loved traveling with the crew as well. She’d insisted on not having special treatment just because she was my sister and dating Lewis. He seemed fine with it, most of the time. It gave us guys a chance to chill, spin shit, and just be ourselves. But damn. If I had a girl, I’d want her next to me every night.

I’d hated being away from Priah during our last tour. I’d kept counting down the days until we had a break so I could rush home to see her. So much for all that effort—she’d fucking dumped me two days after the tour had finished.

“What about you, Cole?” Flint play-punched me in the arm. “You gonna break a few hearts while we’re away?”

“Me?” Grinning, I swiped my fingertips over my stubble.

I’d loved our after-show parties and hanging out with the VIP guests and ticketholders. But every time a girl had flirted with me, had gotten that sexy how-about-it glint in her eyes, I hadn’t been interested. Ava’s gaze often burned into me. It wasn’t one of jealousy—it was more of a been-there-done-that smugness. I’d never met someone like her. Most women I’d been with wanted to get my number and hook up again. But nope, not Ava. I didn’t think I had a big ego, or oversold myself, but Ava’s ability to put our one-night stand behind her and move on tangled my insides. I hadn’t wanted to be with anyone since her. Every time I smelled her floral perfume, or she guided me through a sea of fans, or said good night at the end of the day made me crave her more.

That wasn’t healthy.

I needed to get her out of my system.

I picked out a chip from the bowl and munched on it. “I’m sure I’ll cause some havoc in Santa Fe, but our break might involve more time with Charlotte than hooking up with some sexy chicks.”

When we stopped at hotels, she and Hannah shared a two-bedroom suite with me or stayed in an adjoining room. Charlotte hadn’t caught on to my need for rest during the tour. She rushed into my bed every morning. Her smile made it impossible to be mad. “My partying may involve a playground or two rather than bars and clubs.”

Flint leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. “I appreciate you need to spend time with your kid, but you haven’t been yourself this tour. What’s up?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” Flint groaned and shook his head. “And I wish you’d stop saying you are. You’re not sleeping. You’re not fucking women. Your mind is often elsewhere.”

He wasn’t wrong. I slumped in the seat, but the knot in the base of my neck twisted tighter. I hated he worried. I didn’t want that. Thoughts of our tour schedule and Ava continually bombarded me, but my biggest concern was for my daughter. “It’s Charlotte. I like having her around, but I’m not sure if this life is ideal for a kid, or if I’m doing the right thing, or if I’m a good father for her.”

“Why would you think those things?” Slip jerked his chin back. “Charlotte doesn’t seem stressed. And you’ve changed. You’ve toned down the drinking and fucking, haven’t you? You spend time with her. You care about her. What else is a dad supposed to do?”

I glanced out the front window and stared at the bus traveling in front of us. The red taillights glowed in the dark. “I worry it’s not enough. I feel guilty about everything I do.” I was over feeling like shit, dealing with so many things. My kid. My band. Ava. Hadn’t I made enough changes already? “I want to be here with you guys, but then...I want to be with Charlotte too. What’s with that?”

“I’d say that’s natural.” Lewis raised his beer toward me. “She’s your daughter—of course you want to be with her.”

I puffed air through my nose and shook my head. “My problem is I now suffer from too much fucking FOMO. I want to be everywhere, do everything, and I can’t. There is no balance.”

“Oh, we know you suffer from FOMO.” Flint’s eyes glinted in the soft lighting. “You’re a socializing addict. But when we’re on the road like this, why don’t you alternate nights between us and Charlotte and Hannah? Or occasionally bring Charlotte on our bus. There’s a spare bunk.”

“You’d be okay with that?” We did get rowdy on occasion, staying up for hours, drinking, singing, playing music, and talking. But that wasn’t every night on the road. Charlotte had fallen asleep through the second concert Hannah had brought her too, I didn’t think the noise we’d make on the bus would keep her awake.

“Absolutely.” Slip dipped his chin. “She’s a Flintlock.”

“So...” Lewis kicked my foot. “Is it just Charlotte you’re worried about or is there something else? Or someone else? Maybe a certain bodyguard?”

My heart stumbled against my ribs. He’d noticed? “What the fuck do you mean by that?”

“Come on, bud.” Chuckling, Lewis puffed air through his nose. “Take it from someone who hid being into your sister for months—I can tell something is going on with you and Ava. There’s this spark between the two of you whenever you’re together. You’ve fucked her, haven’t you?”

“What?” I rubbed at the thud throbbing in my brow. Hadn’t we been discreet? “What makes you think that?”

Flint counted on his fingers. “You invited her to a party. You always get her coffee. You’re not sleeping around. You can’t take your eyes off her. You try to ignore her but fail dismally. Shall I go on?”

“Is she why you’re not screwing some girl at every stop?” Slip asked.

The pit of my stomach lurched. Was she the reason? “Ava infuriates me. She gets under my skin, doesn’t take my shit, plays by the rules, and all I want to do is—”

“Damn...you have slept with her.” Slip tossed his head back and laughed.

My mistakes had caused too many problems in the past, and I wasn’t going to do that again. I wouldn’t lie to them. “Fine. Just one time. After Sutton and Tia’s launch party. It hasn’t and won’t happen again. She could lose her job, so you can’t say anything.”

Flint chuckled over the rim of his beer. “You’re so into her.”

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