Page 33 of Dirty Empire

Chapter Twelve: Coping

Maverick

She’s probably freaking out that I’ve been gone for hours. I wasn't mad at her. How could I be? Miles raped her, and in return, he paid with his life. But it’s like even from the grave he’s found a way to fuck up our lives. I had started to see a future with Hazel. We would stay in Tahiti. I could run my company while she did whatever she wanted. I was ready to support her if she wanted to continue practicing law. Maybe down the line, we would talk about marriage and kids, but now I don't know where to go.

“Otro?” the bartender asks. Seeing if I want another three fingers of whiskey. I shake my head.

I need to go home. When I left the house, I told my security to stay with Hazel. It’s foolish for me to be out in public, buzzed, and without protection, but I hadn’t been thinking straight. All I could focus on was the baby. It could be my child. I had never thought about kids too much, but I knew one thing. My mother stayed with my dad because of me. She suffered his abuse because she felt obligated to stay. Hazel didn't want to go into business with me because she didn't want to feel stuck. If she was pregnant with my child, that was probably exactly how she’d feel. If down the line, we started to hate each other, I didn't want to end up forcing a relationship just because of a kid. Children shouldn’t have to witness a broken relationship.

I had always been careful with other women. Even if they said they were on birth control, I always wore a condom. I’m worth a lot of money and I know some women would like to have some sort of hold on me. But with Hazel, both times we’d had sex, a condom was the furthest thing from my mind. Now, look at the situation I’m in.

The tug of war in my mind festers like moldy cheese. I stand from the barstool, glad to see that my mind is still sharp enough to drive. It would be embarrassing to have to call Mike to pick me up.

Once I get home, I go straight up to Hazel’s room. The rest of the house is dark. The only light comes from the bottom of her bedroom door. I knock, but don't wait for a response before turning the knob and walking inside. She’s sitting on the bed cross-legged. The TV across from her is playing some kind of home decorating show. The window in the bedroom is open. The sound of the ocean acts as background noise. I wonder if she’s gone down to the beach today. This vacation was supposed to be a celebration. Guilt settles in my stomach. She looks at me like a stranger. As if we hadn’t woken up in the same bed this morning. All the crying has made her face puffy, but she still looks beautiful to me. I want to pull her in and breathe in her goodness.

“Can I come in?” I ask, even though I’m already half-way in the room.

“It's your house.”

Damn, that hurt. I don't want her to feel like a charity case, far from it. She’s a very wealthy woman. I take a seat on the bed.

“Listen,” she says, breaking through the tension. “This isn’t ideal, and I understand that you’re mad or confused or whatever, but that’s your issue. If you don’t want anything to do with me, then fine. But if this child is yours, don’t expect me to come running back. I don’t expect you to raise another man's child, that’s not what you signed up for when you helped me. But no matter what, I’m going to love my baby, so just tell me if you want me to leave and I will.”

She’s giving me a way out. I could tell her to leave, and I could go back to my life. A life that consisted of running my business and having sex with whoever I wanted. That lifestyle doesn't appeal to me as much as it used to. What kind of father would I be if I turned my back on her completely, knowing that she could be carrying my kid?

“Hazel, I’ve been walking around for hours trying to make sense of all of this. It’s not the kid’s fault, regardless of who the father is. I don’t want you to leave. Outside of that, I don’t know what to tell you about us...”

She stands from the bed and walks toward the window. Her back is to me as she speaks.“I don’t know either, Maverick. I mean, thanks for everything. I don’t know how I feel right now.”

Shit’s hitting the fan, and it pretty much feels like a doomed situation. We’d started on the wrong foot. I mean, I found her buck naked with another man.

“I just…” Her voice trails off.

“I think we should just cool it for a minute. Let’s take a time-out.” The words burn as they come out.“I’m not abandoning you. I just need time to figure this shit out.”

She waves me away. “Don’t explain anymore, Maverick. I get it.”

***

“Don’t touch her!” I screamed at my father. He wore one of his white t-shirts with beer stains all over it. The stench of alcohol filled the room. He turned to face me, and suddenly I started to shrink, or he seemed to grow taller. He loomed over me, his eyes red-rimmed and full of anger.

“Shut up, boy. Get the fuck outta here and go to your room, you little runt.” He pushed me back into the corner of the room. I hit the ground hard. Something sharp stabbed into my leg, and tears filled my eyes. When I looked up, he’d turned his focus back. I came at him again, ignoring the pain in my leg, as he raged upon my mother. He was lunging for her throat.

“You bitch,” he spat, his voice full of rage.

“Get off her!”

“Mav, just go in the other room, honey,” my mother begged me.

“Now you’re gonna get it. I told you to stay out of my way!” I don't have enough time to duck the punch or the flurry of them that followed. He pummeled me to the ground, then stormed out. My bloody and swollen face was left as evidence.

Sweat covers my body, and my heart is pounding out of my chest. It takes a while for me to realize where I am. Home. I kick the blanket off me so I can cool down. The darkness of the room puts me at ease. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a nightmare. It was before Hazel got here. Although it wasn’t really a nightmare, more like a memory. One I’d have liked to forget.

Running a hand over my face, I let out a sigh. There’s no way I can go to sleep now. My phone reads that it’s four in the morning. Grabbing my sweatpants off the ground, I pull them on and walk down to the gym. I slow down as I pass Hazel’s room, listening to see if I can hear any movement. We’ve been home for a week, and we haven’t spoken a word. I know she has a doctor’s appointment coming up. I’d overheard Isabella making the appointment, but Hazel hasn’t said anything. Did I want her to invite me along? I still couldn’t figure out what the fuck I wanted. I wanted her in my bed. I knew that. And I don't want her to be pregnant with that fucker’s baby. When I realized she was probably sound asleep, I continued down the hallway. Grabbing my headphones that sit on the small table near the door of the gym, I turn my music up and start to work out. I won’t stop until I’m completely exhausted. It’s the only way I’d sleep.

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