Page 58 of Our Blood, Our Pain

“And you have, but if he can’t do the hard stuff, what use is he to us? You need to let him go. Jenny will never approve of you both, you know this.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Not able to hear anymore, I stumble back and stare at the door as if I can see through it. Devastation momentarily pins me to the spot. He doesn't want me here, he just said it so clearly that he doesn't want me here, he thinks me coming here was a mistake. What the fuck am I doing? My eyes begin to fill with tears. I really thought he wanted this as much as I did. And to hear him talk so carelessly about me…it fucking hurts. Spinning on my heel, I dash out of the corridor and bump into Aaron in the hallway, who hands me a set of keys. Jules’s keys. Aaron is like a sleuth in the house, he knows everything that’s going on, as he’s so quiet when he moves from room to room.

“Take these and go clear your head,” Aaron says, before giving me a small smile as I jog outside to get into Jules's car. As I approach the car, movement behind me has me quickly turn to see Jules running out towards me, shouting my name. Concern is written all over his face. Aaron tries to block his way as I get into the car, but his attempt proves pointless as Jules manages to dodge him, but he isn't quick enough to catch me. The engine comes to life, and I put my foot down and speed out of the driveway with no fucking idea of where I'm going. As soon as I pass the gates, I allow the tidal wave of tears to drench my face, letting myself drown in my broken heart, the weakness he sees in me open for everyone to see. At home I was too much trouble, an annoyance, and here it’s no different, only I’m seen in a different light. I’m too soft, weak. Still a fucking failure.

As I whiz down the back roads, Na Na Na by Chemical Romance plays on the music station, drowning out all reality. The only thing I know right now is that I need to escape him.

However, that plan goes out of the window, as in typical Kai luck, I spot headlights in my rear view mirror, gaining on me. Fuck this. I speed up, silently praying there may be a cliff at the end of this road so it’ll all just end. Then the loneliness and struggle for life will be gone.

35

JULES

With trepidation, I go to Dima’s office to get this meeting over with. I have no idea what he’s gonna say, but I’m just gonna have to take whatever it is and move on. The one good thing about the brothers is that after they’ve said their piece, they move on and don’t hold it over you. Unless you fuck up again, but I get that.

I knock on the door twice before turning the handle and entering the office, noticing Dima isn’t alone. Holy shit, is that Ivan?

“Ivan? Fuck man, it’s good to see you. I thought you were getting in this weekend?” I say to Dima and Lev’s cousin, who stands and greets me with a brief hug. If I had to describe Ivan, it would be to say that he’s insane. Well he was, it’s been ten years since I last spoke to him, and I don’t know what he’s been doing during that time, but weights is clearly one thing, because the guy is a tank.

“Jules. Long time no see. Couldn’t wait to get started, so I thought I’d surprise the dickhead brothers.”

“It was hardly a surprise, you texted me with your flight details,” Dima says, rolling his eyes. They’ve always had a competitive banter, glad to see it hasn’t died.

“Yes but you were surprised by that text, so it still counts.”

“Why don’t you go and annoy Lev. I need to talk to fuckface,” Dima says.

“What a great idea. See ya both later,” Ivan says grinning, strolling out of the room like a beast.

“Sit,” Dima says, not wasting any time to get into it. I walk over and sit in the seat Ivan just vacated, and await my fate. Will this be aggressive Dima? Moody Dima or psycho Dima?

“What the fuck is going on with Kai? You vouched for him, Jules, and I gotta say, I ain’t impressed.” Aggressive Dima it is.

“I think we need to calm down. He knows he screwed up…” I say, but Dima interrupts me before I get to finish my sentence.

“And which fuck up are we talking about? The Aaron one? Or when he made a fool of himself and us with Carlos?”

“Give him a break, D. He’s new to all this. We said it’d take time.”

“You’re too emotionally involved with him. If you can’t separate you both fucking and what happens with work, then you can’t be together. I’ve never seen you this unfocused, Jules. Decisions need to be made.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Kai has to go.”

“What?”

“He’s too soft, Jules. He ain’t made for this life.”

“He just needs some time.”

“Stop fucking lying to yourself and to me. He’s not in the room. He’s a liability waiting to happen and you know it.”

“Seb isn’t made for it either and I don’t see anyone complaining.”

“True. But Seb stepped up when he needed to and doesn’t pass out at the sight of blood.”

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