Page 8 of Our Blood, Our Pain

“Why didn’t you retake?”

“Why the fuck does it matter? What’s with all the questions? I’m a fuckup. You haven’t been here, Jules. This place swallows you whole. What am I supposed to do? Just find a job? Leave with no money? We can’t all run off and be successful like you and leave everyone behind.”

The words fly out of my mouth before I have a chance to calm myself. His intrusive questions have pissed me the fuck off. So easy to judge when he has no idea. But that doesn’t matter as Jules looks at me with such contempt I want to sink down into the seat. He said earlier he wouldn’t recognize me…well, the same goes for me at this moment. Jules isn’t the nice guy I remembered as a kid. This guy in front of me looks like a hardened asshole that could fuck you up with one punch. Before I get a chance to apologize, his leg under the table tangles with mine as he secures it in a tight hold that I can’t move from. Jesus, how can his legs be so damn strong?

“If we weren’t in public right now, I would beat your ass for that little outburst. Don’t play me, Kai. You don’t know me anymore.”

I can’t stop spewing words that aren’t helping the situation.

“And you don’t know me. Asshole.”

I’m freaked the fuck out when Jules grins at me. The smile is so large, I start looking around the room for exits. Why is he smiling?

“I do know you. You just told me. You’re a fuckup, right?”

As I said, he’s an asshole, so I refuse to say anything back even though it’s killing me not to have the last word.

“Time to go see your mom,” he says, as he stands and leaves money on the table before walking away, leaving me to trail after him, completely confused by what just happened.

The drive is quiet, and I spend most of it looking out of the window. I could sense Jules looking at me from time to time. It’s so strange having his attention on me, and I’d love to know what’s going on inside his head and why he keeps staring. Knowing my luck he’s probably planning my death and sizing up my body for a casket. We arrive back at my mom’s and before I have a chance to open my door, it swings open with Mom glaring down at me. If looks could kill. She looks defeated, and I hate that it’s always me putting that look of worry on her face. She deserves better.

“Get your ass inside, Kai,” she yells at me. I want to roll my eyes but decide just to take whatever it is she says and do what she wants. I owe her that much. Damn it, I owe it to myself.

She completely ignores Jules and storms into the house as we both follow after her.

Fuck my life.

5

JULES

Kai’s shoulders slump as he enters the house before me. This is obviously a frequent occurrence, and again, I feel bad for not being around.

“No hug from my big sister?” I ask Jenny with wide open arms and a grin stretched across my face. I never realized how much I missed her until now, as she throws herself into my arms. For a brief moment, we can forget the past that has tarnished us, focusing on getting Kai’s life in order. I’ve spent so many years consumed by my work and meaningless fucks, that I’d forgotten what affection felt like. This hug is like being revived back to life, memories from our childhood surging through my mind. Kai needs me. He’s a purpose. A purpose that I swear to never defer from, to love and protect the only family I have left, even if it kills me.

“Thank you for coming back,” she whispers into my shoulder, and I feel the wet from her eyes seep through my shirt. I squeeze her harder, reveling in the warmth that my big sister always provided when I was a child, but was then torn away because of our asshole parents.

Jenny pulls herself back and grabs my face with both of her gentle hands. She looks so tired. She’s forty years old now and still has her beautiful mane of dark hair and perfect pale skin. The lines around her eyes tell the story of sleepless nights and worry that has taken over her life. But I’m here now.

“Look at you. A grown man. Always knew you’d be handsome.”

“Stop trying to embarrass me.” I laugh as I playfully slap her hand away. She grins at me with that hint of playfulness in her eyes that used to be a daily thing when we lived at home together.

“Gotta make up for the missed years of teasing you,” she says with a weary giggle.

A loud thud grabs our attention, and I turn to see an irritated Kai slumped in one of the wooden dining table chairs. Such a pouty little brat. His arms are folded across his chest as he glowers at his mom like she’s the one who has done something wrong. I can understand some of his frustration, but the little fuck’s sass from back at the diner still has me wound up tight. I detest that kind of attitude and sense of entitlement. He’s gonna be harder work than I thought. I also didn’t miss the little glances he threw my way when he thought I wasn’t aware. Little does he know I’m always aware, even when I’m not looking. It’s how I’m programmed to survive. But fuck does he intrigue me. I spent most of the journey over here trying to work him out, while also admiring what a handsome man he’s become. I’m not gay, but I can appreciate an attractive guy. Really appreciate it. Christ, why am I arguing with myself about this? Do I find him attractive or am I attracted to him? Hmmm, interesting.

“Get that petulant look off your face, Kai. You’re in no position to be pissed off,” Jenny scolds him.

Kai scoffs and shakes his head, looking between us both like he can’t believe what he’s seeing.

“After all these years, he comes back like he owns the place, and you plan to send me off with him. Of course, I’m pissed. I’m sick of being treated like a kid.”

“You are a fucking child! Every goddamn week I get a call from the cops or someone in town about you. Do you know how much they let you get away with? You should be in prison for the shit you’ve pulled over the years. It’s the end of the line now. You’re twenty-two years old. It’s about time you acted like it.”

“Let me get away with? Oh please. Officer Tim scumbag only does it ‘cos he wants in your pants.”

Jenny is so fast I don’t process that she has hit him until the loud slap from her palm against his cheek echoes around the room. Complete silence follows and I’m stunned. What the fuck has been going on here?

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