Page 47 of Our Blood, Our Pain

I smile as I keep my arms wrapped around him. It’ll all work out.

29

KAI

After getting washed up and fed, Jules told me to head over to the main house to be ready for Carlos and his men to arrive. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous, the food from earlier churning in my stomach just even thinking about what is gonna happen in the pen. It was easier to deal with last time, as I was in shock from Aaron being taken, along with the fear instilled in me by Lev that it was my fault. Can you desensitize yourself to this kind of shit? Beating up a few guys in a bar is one thing, but this sadistic torture is a level I’m unsure I can get with.

Walking into the house, I freeze as I watch Aaron sitting at the kitchen table, scrolling through his phone. I haven’t really spoken to him since what happened, and for my peace of mind, I need to apologize.

“Hey Aaron,” I say, tilting my chin up as he looks up at me. A warm smile spreads across his face, and it’s the first genuine smile I've seen on him.

“Hey, Kai. You okay? You look weird.”

“Weird?”

“You know, nervous. Like you wanna get away or something.”

“You may be right on that last part.”

Aaron tilts his head to the side and watches me. I can see why Lev calls him doe. Those large Bambi eyes are so captivating, especially when the manic grin is nowhere to be seen. I walk over and sit across from him, building myself up to try and say the right thing.

“I’m sorry, Aaron.”

“For what?”

“For you being taken, for not protecting you. I should’ve gone up to the apartment with you or checked on you sooner. If I had, then you wouldn’t have been…”

“Shut the hell up, Kai,” Aaron says, spitting my name out in annoyance. I look him in the eyes, all the softness from a second ago replaced with vacant look. A look that always takes over his face whenever Jake is mentioned.

“Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, it’s irritating. Listen to me, it’s not your fault. None of it had anything to do with you. Jake did this. He’s the one I blame, not you. Ever. You got it?”

For a moment, I’m breathless. How can he not blame me?

“Seriously, Kai. You need to stop the self-pitying shit, believe me, it gets you nowhere. This isn’t your guilt to feel. So shut that shit down, as I’ll be more pissed at you thinking you did wrong. Now, can we stop the moody sadness vibes and go play?”

“Play?”

“Yeah, in the pen. Remember, I want to try Steve out,” Aaron says, smirking as he holds out the new switchblade that Lev bought him. He shows off the untouched sharp steel blade, the handle made of smooth solid black wood, embossed in some kind of pattern similar to tree branches that are intricately engraved into it in silver or steel. It’s beautiful and also terrifying.

“You’re so damn crazy, Aaron.”

He shrugs, unbothered. I know what happened affected him, but in a weird fucked up way, Lev’s psycho nature is what grounds him and keeps him in the present. As I watch him gently run his fingers over the blade with a sappy far away look in his eyes, I decide to let the guilt go. I have to for my own sanity.

“I am. Now let’s go, I’m dying to see my man in action.”

“Oh god, you’re both sick.”

He waggles his brows at me.

“And from the bruises on your neck, I’d say you’re just as sick, too, Kai. Does your uncle Jules get you off by choking you?”

“Touché. And don't call him my uncle. He’s just Jules.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

We both laugh as we head down to the holding pen. I’m glad I cleared things up with Aaron. I still feel responsible, but the guilt starts to feel less and less with each step we take. That was the first hurdle. Now, I need to see if my stomach can take what's behind those doors.

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