Page 28 of Our Blood, Our Pain

The burning ache in my jaw is overwhelming. I want to cry but I’m also numb. What if something bad has happened to Aaron? I'll never forgive myself.

“Sorry, Lev. I'm so sorry.”

“Stay here with Seb. We found him, so we're going in,” Lev says, still holding eye contact with me, letting me know that he will end me if I fuck up like this again. I'm actually shocked he hasn't already. I nod my head in acknowledgement as Dima and Lev gather up to leave, leaving Seb behind with me. As the door closes, Seb gently pats me on the shoulder, his beautiful brown eyes full of sympathy.

“He's like that with everybody, Kai.”

I have nothing to say in response. Jules was right, I wasn’t ready and I may never be.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be okay. It wasn't your fault.”

“But it was my fault, if I wasn’t focusing on fucking Jules, I could’ve done something or, I don’t know, just stopped it.”

“He been giving you shit?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Come on, let's go get a drink while we wait for news.”

I follow Seb into the kitchen, but his words do nothing to comfort me. If I could swap places with Aaron right now, I would. Yet again I'm the cause of somebody else's hurt and upset. Maybe I’m cursed, as I’m struggling right now to remember a time my actions caused anyone happiness or pride in who I am as a person.

This is Jules’s fault. He brought me here. I never wanted to come here, but I followed, believing that he knew best. That Mom knew best.

Well, fuck them. If anything happens to Aaron tonight, it’s not just his blood on my hands.

18

JULES

I’m anxious to get back home to Kai. To make sure he’s okay. Well, I know he’s okay, otherwise I’d have been told, but I need my eyes on him. Today quickly shifted to total chaos after Aaron was taken. Luckily we got to him in time before his brother Jake did the unthinkable to him, but that doesn’t diminish what Aaron has gone through. I know I call him weird, but he’s a cool guy, and to see him bundled up in Lev’s arms in such a vulnerable way, it made me think of Kai and how he’s dealing with this, especially as he was on Aaron’s watch.

Everyone is back at the house, but since Simon and I are keeping watch over Jake and his accomplice Tommy in the holding pen, I haven’t had the chance to go see Kai, who I hope is sleeping. I shouldn’t worry so much, I know he’s made of strong stuff. But today was a lot, and I know the brothers will want him in on the action tomorrow, and I’m concerned how he’ll handle it. Lev and Dima take things pretty far in most interrogations, but considering this is Aaron, I’m positive Lev will go into supreme psycho mode, because whether he wants to shout it out to the world or not, Aaron is his man. A man he’d kill the world for. Which would be romantic if it wasn’t so screwed up. But who am I to talk? I’d do the same for Kai. I don’t know how I got here with these enormous emotions that he stirs in me, but I can’t hold back. I subconsciously claimed him the day I collected him from the police station. My inner beast decided he was ours. I sound as crazy as Lev.

“Fuck, this is boring. Why didn’t they just kill the fuckers when we got back?” Simon says, leaning against the wall beside the locked door that leads down to the holding pen.

“You know why. Lev wants Aaron to decide what to do, and he wasn’t in the right state of mind when they got back.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m just bitching. Tired as fuck.”

“Same. We can rest after it’s done.”

“You seen Kai?”

“No. Dima wanted me here when we got back. Seb said he went back to the house to get some sleep.”

“Well, nothing like being thrown in at the deep end. I hope he ain’t squeamish, because you know Lev is going to go to town with them.”

“He’ll be fine,” I say, hoping the confidence of that declaration will be true.

Hours pass as sunlight rises. Simon and I traded off having one-hour catnaps during the night, which I’m sure has me feeling more shitty than if I’d just stayed up the entire night. My mind hasn’t switched off from Kai. It’s been torture having to remain here while he’s only out back. I would feel better if there were cameras in the house so I could at least have eyes on him. And a tracker. It would help me relax a little. Did I mention I’m turning into a controlling and possessive asshole?

I’m mid stretching to get the kinks out of my back, when Seb comes into sight, as he walks down the corridor carrying what looks like two cups of coffee, exactly what I need right now. I nudge Simon as Seb approaches and hands the cups to us.

“Thought you boys would need this,” Seb says.

“You read my mind. Thanks,” I say, grabbing my cup with both hands, nearly burning my tongue with how fast I gulp down the sweet caffeine.

“You know when they’re coming down?” Simon says, before gulping his own drink down.

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