Page 19 of Our Blood, Our Pain

“Kai, watch it.”

This is the most surreal moment I’ve ever experienced. Jules talking so candidly about life here like it’s not a big deal. I swear we drove through a portal to a new world when Jules brought me here. But what can I do about it? I’m now firmly interwoven into this underworld, and I need to get out of my head and accept it. How I accept it I don’t know. For now I’ll just have to fake it.

“What the hell am I supposed to tell Mom?”

“What your mom doesn’t know won’t hurt her, Kai. Trust me.”

I scoff at that. Trust me. Yeah right. This has disaster written all over it.

It’s the following week, and much to Jules’s annoyance, Dima has me working at Starlight with him tonight. Lev wanted Jules and Simon with him at Desire for a meeting with Carlos about future shipments, and thought it would be good for me to know the layout of this club in case I’m needed here. To be honest, I’m glad of the reprieve, as Jules has not left my side. While my obsession over him is still present, his overbearing attitude towards me stirs the petulant side of me. Plus, it’s a nice change of scenery, coming to the bar.

Starlight is what I would describe as decadent. Sultry music from the live band on stage with burlesque dancers, the crowd that fill the tables on the main floor all have the appearance of money and influence. The bar is modern and similar to the one at Desire. While Dima is out back, I head over to grab a soda and say hi to Seb, since the bar is less busy now that the show is on.

“Hey Seb,” I say as I lean my elbows on the bartop.

“Kai, great to see you. Want a drink?”

“I’ll have a soda, please.”

Seb grabs a tall glass, fills it with ice and a slice of lemon, followed by the soda and hands it to me.

“Thanks. Great bar.”

“Yeah, it can get a little rough sometimes, but I love working here.”

“Does Dima mind you working?”

“Mind? The fucker didn’t have a choice. It was a dealbreaker before we got married. If D had his way, I’d be chained to him the entire day.”

That makes me laugh, Dima is alarmingly possessive of Seb from what I’ve witnessed. I can’t help but be a touch jealous though. I’ve never been wanted like that, I mean, I’ve never even had a boyfriend or girlfriend before.

“You have anyone back home, Kai?”

I take a sip of my drink, trying to stop myself from retreating into my shell. I’m not ashamed that I’ve had nobody special in my life, but I’m not exactly shouting it out loud for everyone to know, as in my mind it sounds pretty pathetic.

“Nah. Not a lot of choices back home. Had to travel to another town for hookups, and that was rare.”

“Well, maybe you’ll score some action here.”

“Maybe.”

“Are you okay, Kai? I know we don’t know each other, but you can talk to me. I promise I won’t share anything you tell me. Even to D.”

“I don’t know. I’m just lost. Had a bit of trouble back home before I left. The guys I hung around with have said they’ll hurt me if I go back.”

“What! Does Jules know?”

“No! No. And please don’t say anything. I’m sure it’s fine and they’re just angry with me. They don’t do shit like that. I think I just bruised some egos by leaving without saying a word. Not that I had a choice in leaving.”

“You know, you don’t have to stay here, Kai. This life isn’t for everyone. I mean, fuck, it isn’t for me but I’ve found a way to live beside it and have a life with D. Maybe you need to find a way or start somewhere else. I’m sure Jules would understand.”

“Ha! He wouldn’t. I haven’t seen him since I was sixteen. I barely know him, Seb. But he’s barreled in and started to control my life already, you should’ve seen him in Lev’s office on that first night. It was embarrassing, being spoken to like a child.”

“I know that feeling well. If anyone knows about controlling, possessive guys, it’s me,” he says, laughing, which lightens the mood. “But you like him too? Am I right?”

My eyes look straight into Seb’s and he isn’t mocking me, his gaze is soft and encouraging me to trust him.

“I’m that obvious,” I say, taking a final gulp of my water.

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