Page 117 of Smut

She finally looks at me. “I told you. I just want to…show them that I’m okay.”

“But, you turned him down. Doesn’t this situation usually call for the other way around? The jilted lover shows up with something to prove? I mean, maybe Alan will do just that.”

Her mouth pinches together.

“Oh,” I say, finally getting it. “He’s going to be there. Your ex-boyfriend.”

She nods, looking sheepish. “Yeah. I asked Sarah. He’ll be there. With his new girlfriend who is supposed to be a genetic scientist slash supermodel. Apparently they exist outside of sitcoms.”

“So you’re taking me to try and make your ex jealous?” I can’t seem to keep the annoyance out of my voice. The fact she’s pretty much using me makes a hot and bitter coal burn in my chest.

“Kind of,” she says. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“The fact that you’re using me, or the fact that you want your ex to care?” I pause while she doesn’t say anything. “Do you seriously want him back?”

Bloody hell, she better not say yes. My heart starts to spin in my chest.

“No,” she says quickly, shaking her head. “Not at all. I told you. I didn’t love him and breaking it off was the right thing to do. Believe it or not, I’m a million times happier now.”

But do I have anything to do with that?

“I just want to show them all that I did okay, that’s all.” She sighs and starts examining her hands. “I was the nerd in high school.”

“You’re still a nerd, geek, dork, and a hundred other things that make you you,” I point out. “Own it.”

“I do. But I mean, people only liked me or put up with it in my final year because I was with Alan. I wasn’t bullied or anything like that, but I was never the one people wanted to hang out with.” She seems to think that over. “Maybe it’s because I never wanted to hang out with them.”

“You think?”

“Anyway, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Hey, peach, I get it. You want to prove that you’re still a catch or cool or whatever on your own and that it had nothing to do with that tosser. But these people…they don’t matter. Nothing that happened in high school matters. That was a different world, a different planet. It doesn’t matter who you ate lunch with back then or what your nicknames were. Like it or not, act like it or not, but you’re an adult now. You’ve almost finished university. You’re living in a great place with an older roommate and getting all these life experiences you can’t buy. You’re being you and you’re doing your thing…and you happen to be a motherfucking bestselling author with a huge career in front of her, as well as one hell of a paycheck.”

I put my hand on top of hers and squeeze. “And you’ve got me.”

She rolls her eyes.

“No,” I tell her, my voice rough. She blinks at me in surprise. “I mean you really have me. If you’ll have me.”

She worries her lip between her teeth, staring at me with wild eyes. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but I need her to say something, anything, because for the first time I’m putting my heart on the line here and I have absolutely no idea how she’s going to take it.

I look back to the road, turning off on the exit that leads to the winery.

The silence is too thick.

“I got an email from Rachel,” I tell her.

“What?” she asks, her voice sounding raw. At least that got her attention.

“Yeah, this morning. Strange timing considering.”

“Considering what?”

“Heath and I were talking about her last night.”

“Oh,” she says, her voice becoming small. She looks out the window again. “What did she want?”

“She wants me back.”

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