Page 121 of Smut

“Only the bad parts.”

Blake is totally deadpan and Alan frowns at him.

“Ha,” Alan says again, more unsurely now. “You found someone as equally dorky as yourself. So where did you two meet?”

“Dorks Anonymous,” says Blake. “We’re in recovery but it’s a tough road.” He winces in mock strife.

This time Alan can barely offer up a smile. “Uh huh.” He covers his mouth with his beer, and I swear he’s muttering something under his breath.

“Sweetie?” A tall leggy Megan Fox-type woman comes slinking over.

“Oh!” Alan exclaims, putting his arm around her. She’s at least two feet taller than him in her heels, and in her short Grecian white dress she looks like she just strolled off the Victoria’s Secret runway. “This is Georgia. She’s my girlfriend.”

I smile at her as we shake hands. I feel like her bones are light enough to belong to a bird, and I immediately think of Phenelope. “I’m Amanda.”

“Oh I know,” she says with a small smile. She looks at Blake. “And you are?”

He gives her the long head nod. “Blake.”

“Amanda and Blake. Well this is awkward,” she says, and we all laugh, even me. At least she knows how to break the ice.

“Where did you two meet?” I ask her, partly out of conversation, partly out of curiosity.

They grin at each other. “Well,” Alan says, his chest practically puffed out, “I met her at a conference. Doctor Ron Teethington was in town doing a lecture. If you don’t know, he’s one of the leading health experts on gum disease and how it manifests itself into long-term illness. He’s one of the reasons why we’re fighting to include dental work into BC’s health care plan.”

Blake snorts. “Wait a minute, wait a minute,” he says, waving his hands. “He’s an expert on teeth and his name is Ron Teethington?”

Alan frowns, exchanging a wary glance with Georgia. “I’m not sure what the problem is,” he says.

Yup. That’s the Alan I remember.

“Are you shitting me?” Blake exclaims, laughing now. “Teethington!”

“Easy, Sterling Archer,” I warn Blake, elbowing him in the side.

“Doctor Teethington is the leading expert in his field,” Georgia tries to explain, not appreciating our lack of reverence for her beloved dentist.

Blake looks at me as if to say, you were with this guy for four years?

I paste another smile on my face, aiming it at them as I grab Blake’s arm. “Well, it’s been really nice to see you.”

“Did you know that Georgia is in med school?” Alan adds quickly. “She’s going to be a genetic scientist. She’s going to cure the world of all diseases. How about that for a career?”

We’re not even together anymore and yet he still has to take a shot at my writing.

“Wow,” Blake says drawing out the word and widening his eyes in mock shock as he looks at Alan. “That must mean your dick is a lot bigger than mine. Congratulations.”

I have to clamp my lips shut to keep from laughing as I haul Blake toward the bar and away from their confused faces.

“Oh my god!” I exclaim as we get to the bar, swatting him across the chest. “Now he’s not going to get the joke and he’s going to think he has a larger penis than you.” I look over at them across the room, yelling, “Which is so not true!”

“Two beers,” Blake says to the bartender before turning to me. “I cannot believe you were with that guy for four years. Oh my god. How did you not go bloody insane?”

I shrug sheepishly. “I settled. I was flattered and then I settled.”

“Don’t you ever fucking settle for me, you promise?” he asks, holding out his pinky finger.

I roll my eyes but shake on it. “I’m not settling for you. I’m practically pining for you.”

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