Page 121 of Ocean of Sin and Starlight

But there are good people, I say. There are good people in the world. I’ve seen them. Selfless people who will do anything for another.

There are people who are better than you, morally, spiritually so. There are people who are braver than you, too. But even the best people harbor the darkest secrets sometimes. Every face you look at is fighting a battle they aren’t always aware of. And most of them are losing.

Silence.

I feel leveled out by what the beast has just told me.

I never wanted…I…

But now, everything feels like a lie.

I am a bad person, I can’t help but think. I always was.

We’re all bad, the monster says. But we’re all good, too. Perhaps the best approach is a bit of balance.

I swallow hard.

Are you okay in there? Abe asks, his voice jarring against the raspy whispers of the beast. At least this means he can’t hear our conversation. I would hate for him to know how awful I truly was before I turned.

He knows, the beast says. Abe knows. I’m the one who has been talking to him when you weren’t available. He’s a true friend, you know. Sees all the ugliness inside you and still stays by your side, because he’s no better either. He’s just made peace with his darkness, the same way you’ll need to make peace with yours if you want us to coexist. It pauses. If you want me to agree to your bargain.

The bargain.

What was I going to offer him?

What did I want in exchange?

You wanted to make friends, the beast says. You wanted to use me when you could and stay in control. Right now, you’re thinking, deep down, that you want to spread your wings and fly to that ship and take down every single person on it, punish them for their sins, punish them for what they did to Larimar.

But I don’t want to punish Larimar.

Then I stop.

Or do I?

Ah, the beast says. There is the progress. You do want to punish her.

I swallow hard and nod. I do. I want to punish her for breaking her promise to me and for leaving me, even though I understand why she did, even though it’s not fair for me to feel this way.

But feelings aren’t fair. And that is something that comes with being human too. However, now that you know you want to punish her, are you afraid that you’re going to?

I think about that for a moment, searching inside my soul. No, I say honestly. I don’t want to hurt her, not unless she asks me to. I want to protect her with all I have. I want to carry out her revenge for her.

And so you may, it says. For you are ready.

Then, a dark, buzzing feeling starts forming inside me, and my eyes fly open. The sunshine is no longer so bright; instead, the sky has been dimmed. Abe is staring at me with an urgent expression, more excitement than concern.

“What happened?” he whispers.

I shake my head and look around at my surroundings. There’s a ship far in the distance, and I realize that everyone has been shouting and talking impatiently, but I hadn’t heard any of it. Larimar is at the bow now, Maren by her side, and she looks over her shoulder to meet my eyes, raising her brow in question.

“That’s the Dutch ship,” I say.

“It is,” Abe says. “A lot of time has passed while you’ve been in your head.”

“No one has said anything?” I search the faces of the crew.

“Oh, everyone has been giving you strange looks, but no stranger than normal.” He stares at me deeply. “Tell me what the beast said.”

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