Page 129 of Jump on Three

“Do we have to do this now?” I pushed out.

“Yeah, we do. I have given you days, but I do not know where your thoughts lie. I know you need time to consider everything, but I need to be included in your considerations.” He paused when his voice quavered, scrubbing his hands on his thighs. “Are you leaning toward coming with me? Staying? I do not know, but I need to.”

In his frustration, he remained gentle. My steady, even-keeled Ivan, but just beneath was his anguish. He’d been holding on for me, been patient with me, and I couldn’t open my mouth.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t how to treat the person I loved.

“I have done nothing but consider it,” I told him. “I’ve barely been able to think of anything else.”

“And? You’re telling me you haven’t decided?”

“No, I am not telling you that. I have decided.”

His eyes darted between mine, and any hope slowly drained. He saw my answer before I gave it.

“Say it, Evelyn. Say the words out loud.”

This was the moment I’d been avoiding. Deep down, I had known what I would say since he’d posed the question, but I hadn’t wanted to admit it to him or myself. I had researched Florida, watched videos and read message boards. I’d checked flights between Miami and LA. I had even looked for apartments. But it was all for show. Going through the motions so I could say I’d truly thought it through.

In the end, I came to the same decision I’d started with.

“I can’t go to Miami with you.”

It was as if I’d punched him, the way he folded in on himself. I wished I could have hugged him, but he’d separated himself from me and I did not know if he’d welcome it.

“Why?” he rasped. “Why won’t you jump with me?”

“It isn’t you, Ivan. I want to be with you. I can’t imagine a day that will change.” I pressed on my chest, surprised it was whole, given the ache emitting from the center. “I don’t want to be four thousand kilometers away from Delilah. Maybe I never will, but especially not when I’m beginning a new phase of my life.”

“You could visit her,” he offered weakly, probably knowing it wasn’t an offer at all. “You could FaceTime every day.”

Grasping at straws.

I shook my head, more despondent than I could remember ever being. “I can’t be that far from her. Even more, I do not want to be.”

I’d made up my mind. Delilah and I had been together since we were only an idea. We were two peas. I knew without having to ask her, she would not have moved away from me either.

“And you don’t mind how far apart we will be?”

I exhaled a ragged breath. “When you were gone for two days, I could not breathe. Being apart from you feels impossible, but so does being apart from Delilah. My heart is broken.”

He shook his head, then let it drop forward again, raking his fingers through his hair. We still weren’t touching. As unnatural as that was, I could not bring myself to reach for him. If he pulled farther away, I would crumble.

“I would take care of you, Evelyn. Please reconsider,” he said quietly, still not looking at me.

I pressed my fingers into my legs and inhaled. “You’ve only known me for a short time and in an environment where I’m relatively comfortable. I’m not an easy person to live with, and I will not be a person who needs to be taken care of. That isn’t what I want for me or you.”

He shook his head. “That isn’t what I meant. Not that way. I would take care of you the same way you would take care of me. We would love each other.”

Of course that was what he’d meant. This was Ivan. He was so good and beautiful he would never have seen me as anything other than his angel. But he hadn’t lived through a massive transition with me. He hadn’t known me without my sister living in the room next to mine. Even I couldn’t fathom what my life would look like without my main support system, but I knew it wouldn’t be good. Ivan wouldn’t see me the same. I wouldn’t be the same.

“I wish I could say yes.” I would have done anything to be different, so I could have. Yet, if I were different, I wouldn’t have ended up here with Ivan. There was no wishing any of this away.

He finally looked up, but I wished he hadn’t. His dark eyes were hooded, with a wet sheen to them. So much sadness it threatened to spill over.

“Ivan,” I whispered.

“Does Delilah agree with you? Does she think you cannot be without her?”

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