Page 29 of High Seas

I nodded and followed him out of the hull and back onto deck where the rain wasn’t simply falling, it was being driven over the boat, the land, and anyone crazy or stupid enough to be out in it. We ducked into Enoch’s cabin again, water dripping from our soaked hair and clothes. He pushed the doors shut behind me and took a deep breath.

I needed one, too, but couldn’t relax enough to take it. My mind was racing as I mentally ticked off my to-do list. We needed to find Abram, we needed to figure out a way to land a couple days before we left, and we needed to stop Victor and Kael from slaughtering Enoch’s people.

Enoch turned around slowly. Water separated strands of his hair. I was suddenly struck by the desire to cross the room and throw my arms around his neck. I wanted to cry, if I was being honest.

Instead, I bit the inside of my lip and waited for him to speak.

“This is difficult for me,” he admitted. “So I can’t imagine how you must feel.”

“I didn’t know about the clones, Enoch, or the attack. But if we can just figure out how to get home a few days before we traveled, Titus and I can stop Victor. The attack on your people won’t happen. We’ll stop the clones from traveling and prevent this entire mess.”

He shook his head. “Therein lies the problem. Can you travel back to a specific time? Are you sure it’s even possible? The three of you landed here unexpectedly.”

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully, “but we have to try. If we don’t, we’ve already failed. And I can’t live with that.”

Enoch pinched his bottom lip and then released it. His lashes fluttered, making my stomach do the same. “I’ve wanted to strangle you for so long, it’s strange to suddenly feel the need to hold you in my arms.”

“I wouldn’t complain.” It came out as a half-laugh, half-sob.

I thought he’d keep me at arm’s length, but Enoch was always able to surprise me. He strode across the room and pulled me in, wrapping me in strength and comfort while I melted into him. Tears fell from my eyes, mingling with the rainwater on his skin.

His words were muffled against my ear. “I can’t believe it’s really you.” I clung to his shirt, afraid to let loose. “I am so sorry I thought you capable of such things.”

I squeezed him tight, wishing that what I was about to say wasn’t true. That I hadn’t wanted to be the monster I became. That I hadn’t fought to be the one to stake him. “I was capable of those things, Enoch. Probably worse before I met you.”

“But that was before…” he led.

“Yes, that was before. I would never hurt you on purpose.”

With every word of his reply, his chin bumped the top of my head. “I know that now.”

“I hate that you hated me all these years.” He was silent. It wasn’t his fault for feeling the way he did, any more than it was mine for Victor’s plan. “You were going to rip out my throat,” I sniffled, pulling away so I could see his eyes.

“I thought you were just another one of them.” Enoch looked down at the space forming between us, the space that was growing with each second.

“I can’t believe he did this.”

Enoch nodded. “I am trying to think like him so I can anticipate what else he might do.”

“Don’t,” I stopped him. “Don’t be anything like him.”

“I want to be worse,” he confessed, standing up straighter and stepping away entirely. “I want to be exactly how you described me, but so much worse than he expects. I want to be the darkness that smothers any light that shines against it. I want Victor to know I’m coming for him, but be helpless to stop me. I want to be such a force that no one can ever hurt those I love again.” He ran his knuckles down my cheek. “Such a force that no one would dare try.”

“Then you will lose yourself,” I predicted. And he would lose me, too.

He shook his head and laughed mirthlessly. “That’s not so. I will find myself. My true self. And I will make sure the whole world knows who I am and what I’m capable of.”

The image of Enoch smirking into a camera on a broadcast came into mind. Could I care about him if he were that man? A man who was just like I was for so long; so singularly focused on revenge that nothing else mattered.

I’d wanted to be a warrior. The best. The fastest. The strongest. The most upgraded. Not merely to effect change for my fellow humans, but to replace the bitter hatred in my heart with the sweet flavor of revenge.

Now, Enoch craved the same thing. I couldn’t fault him for it, but it bothered me. After my mother died, I was broken, but I was still me. I missed her. No, that was an understatement. I was so affected by her death, there were days I told myself she wasn’t really dead. I pretended that she’d been given a job in the Compound and would meet me in our room later that evening. I loved her so much, imagining her alive and busy was better than admitting she was really gone.

When Victor put me in the Asset program, everything changed. Instead of thinking of her all hours of the day and waking up crying at night because she was gone and I was alone, I threw myself into training. The faster and farther I pushed and the busier I was, the less time I had to feel the pain of her death and the hollow void in my chest that nothing else could fill.

I excelled, exhausting myself to the point of tears every evening. It scared and worried Maru for years, but I told him I was fine and he, thankfully, kept quiet. If I stopped to think, the hurt crept in. It curled its claws around my mind and threatened to take over completely. I vowed I wouldn’t let that happen.

The only way to make her death something I could survive, was to kill vampires – every last one of them.

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