Page 38 of Tiny Fractures

Shane and Ronan make their way down the hall and vanish into a room just to the left.

“Did he finally ask you out?” Vada’s voice is so close to me that it catches me off guard and I spin around, finding her face only about a foot from mine. She giggles and pokes my arm with her index finger. “I saw you checking him out just now.”

“You did not!” But I blush nonetheless because I know it’s true. I was watching the way his back flexed as he carried the box down the hallway. And I was wondering what it would feel like to run my hands over his back, for him to touch me in turn. It confuses me; I’ve never craved anyone’s touch before. Any sort of physical intimacy has been uncomfortable, forced on me, even painful, and I swear… swore I wouldn’t ever want another guy to touch me like that.

I shake my head, hoping it will clear my thoughts, but Vada’s giggle doesn’t help the situation. I’m about to retort when I sense Ronan next to me.

“How about some food?”

The sound of his husky voice makes my heart skip a beat, and I turn toward him. His eyes meet mine, and there’s a smile on his full lips. I can only manage a nod, feeling stupid for acting like such a giddy girl around him when I don’t even really know him, when I’m determined to stay on the straight and narrow, to be the good girl everyone expects me to be.

Ronan leads the way into the kitchen as Vada whispers stuff into my ear about him and me. I step on her foot to make her stop, but she only laughs.

In the kitchen, Cheyenne hugs Ronan and gives him a kiss on the cheek. I act as though I’m indifferent, but something weird stirs inside me. Ronan gives her a one-armed hug, then makes her pout when he picks up two plates with a couple of pizza slices and makes his way toward me. I can feel Cheyenne’s gaze bore into me when Ronan hands me one of the plates with a smile, but he positions himself in a way that blocks my view of Cheyenne and hers of me.

“Hey, what about me?” Vada gripes jokingly. “No pizza for your favorite of your brother’s girlfriends?” she asks, eyes huge as she flutters her lashes at Ronan.

Ronan gives a quick laugh. “Well, first of all you’re my brother’s only girlfriend, or at least I think you’re the only one,” he says in mock contemplation. “And second, Cat here helped me with the last couple of boxes, so I thought she deserved some pizza.”

“You two are pretty cute together.” Vada grabs me by the arm and pulls me out of the kitchen and into the living room. We plop down on the dark-gray couch and I look around the small apartment as I eat my pizza. I take note of the little things, like the Xbox by the TV, the boxes randomly strewn around the apartment, the still-bare walls. Tori’s sitting on the floor, her legs crossed while she chats with Zack and Summer, and Vada jumps in on a conversation about college campus tours.

After I finish my pizza, I put my head in Vada’s lap and listen to the conversation. When my body becomes heavy, I allow my eyes to shut, and I doze off.

***

“Kitty Cat!” Vada’s voice washes into my consciousness, and I blink against the afternoon sun streaming in through the living-room window. I hear a number of people in the background and become instantly self-conscious, tugging on my shirt to cover my stomach where the cropped top has ridden up. I sit up abruptly, smoothing my hair. My braid is a total mess, and I pull the hair tie out, letting my hair unravel. It’s wavy and crazy, so I gather it into a messy bun and secure the hair tie around it.

I look down at myself instinctively. My jeans are still buttoned and my bra still in place underneath my shirt, which has only ridden up a few centimeters, hardly exposing anything at all. I relax, looking around at my friends who are conversing with each other easily, clearly not at all caring that I was passed out, unconscious, vulnerable yet again. Nobody took advantage of me, and even Zack’s camera is turned away from me. I’m safe.

“I’m sorry for falling asleep,” I mumble, rubbing the sleep out of my left eye.

“No worries. You’re not the only one.” Vada points to the couch opposite us. Ronan is fast asleep, his back turned to us, his chest rising and falling slowly. I can’t take my eyes off him. The idea of lying down next to him and feeling the warmth of his body against mine is enticing.

“Alright, babe, I’m going to head home to change. I’ll be by your house in an hour.” Steve cups the back of Vada’s head and gives her a kiss before grabbing his keys from the kitchen counter and heading out the door.

“So, what’s the plan for tonight?” I ask Vada, feeling more refreshed after my nap. I stretch my arms over my head and yawn.

“Well, Shane and Ronan are working at Murphy’s again tonight and the rest of us were going to hang out there. What do you think?”

I take another glance at Ronan, who seems to be oblivious to the movement around him. He’s obviously exhausted. “Yeah, I just need to shower and put on some different clothes.”

***

We end up getting to Murphy’s around eight, and again the place is packed. A band is playing on the little stage in the back of the bar and a few girls are already dancing. Instead of finding a booth or table to sit at, I follow Vada, Steve, Zack, and Summer to the bar where Tori is chatting with Jack, the bartender.

“Hey!” Shane greets us, setting five small glasses filled with clear liquid in front of us. “This one’s on the house. Thanks for helping me out today.”

“Sure thing. Thanks, man,” Steve says, handing a shot to Vada, sliding one toward me, and picking one up himself.

I eye the glass, and Zack gives me a gentle shove. “It’s tequila—the good stuff. Not roofied, probably,” he says with a grin. He raises the glass in the air, his GoPro—as always—propped up in his other hand, capturing the goings-on as he waits for us to join him.

“Dude, too fucking soon,” Steve scolds Zack, who looks at me sheepishly, but I have to laugh nonetheless because it actually was kind of funny.

Vada, Steve, and Summer join in raising their glasses, but I’m skeptical. I promised myself I’d stay away from alcohol when I left North Carolina, and I’ve already slipped too many times.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” a husky voice says next to me, and goose bumps erupt all the way down my spine. I turn my head; Ronan’s standing behind me wearing an all-black ballcap over his tousled hair and another long-sleeved black shirt.

“Why don’t you do one with her, Ran? Maybe she’ll feel more comfortable then,” Shane says loudly from behind the counter, and hands Ronan a shot of tequila.

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