Page 33 of Tiny Fractures

“Fine,” he exhales. “But let me say this about the whole Cat situation, and I know this is probably way more information than you want to know, but you remember when I lost Liam?”

I look at him and nod. Liam is Shane’s little brother. Was. He was the same age as me, though I didn’t know him too well. He hung out with a different crowd, did his own thing, got into some bad stuff. And then a couple years ago he overdosed on painkillers. Shane’s dad found him in bed the next morning. There wasn’t anything anyone could do.

“You remember how screwed up I was?” Shane asks, his voice quiet as he stares ahead.

I do remember. Of course I do. I was with Shane when he got the call from his dad that Liam was dead and, of course, Shane lost it.

“I was a fucking mess,” he says, staring at the road. “And I wasn’t able to get out of that for months.” He looks over, his eyes meeting mine, and I nod again, remembering the many days of school Shane missed, even months after his brother’s death; his growing affinity for partying and getting drunk, first only on the weekends, then during the week, and even at school; and the dark thoughts he sometimes shared with me when he was too wasted to stop himself.

“But then I met Tori.” His eyebrows lift as he looks at me, his face softening at the thought of her. “She was exactly what I needed. She made all that pain go away just by being around me,” he says with a smile on his lips.

Shane really was in a dark place when he met Tori, but only a couple months later he had stopped drinking, with the exception of the occasional drink at his parties. He attended all his classes again and seemed to have gotten out of that hole he was in, managing to catch up and graduate on time.

“What’s your point?” I ask, knowing full well what his point is.

He elbows me. “That Cat may be good for you.”

“Yeah, but I may not be good for her,” I say with a deep sigh.

“I say you let her be the judge of that. It’s not like she has to have dinner dates with your parents.”

I shake my head at him. “No,” I say. “It’s better if we’re just friends.” I’m desperately trying to convince myself, and I know it.

“Better for who?”

I look at him. “For her,” I say matter-of-factly. He raises his eyebrows at me. “And for me,” I add quickly, less confident in that last part.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Shane exhales, obviously frustrated. “Well, I can’t honestly say that I love you standing in your own damn way, but you’re my best friend, and whatever the fuck you decide to do or not do, I got your back.”

“I appreciate that,” I say with a nod.

Shane grins at me. “Can’t wait to see you be ‘just friends’ with Cat.” He chuckles and pulls up to the curb in front of my house.

Tuesday, June 1st

Cat

I wake up before my alarm goes off at six-thirty. I stretch my limbs before raising myself up to lean back on my hands. The sun peeks through the sides of my blackout curtains, and I enjoy the stillness of the house. I pull my down comforter off my legs and swing them out of bed, softly placing my bare feet on the carpet. I sit for a moment, looking around my room; the walls are still bare. I make a mental note to finish unpacking and maybe decorate my room a little bit, then head to the bathroom to shower and get ready. Vada should be here in an hour so we can help Shane move into his apartment, just like we promised.

After my shower, I rummage through my unorganized mess of a closet for a couple of minutes before pulling out a pair of jeans and a loose-fitting white shirt that, although it’s cropped, skims the top of my jeans. I figure a pair of chucks is probably best for moving boxes and put them on my feet. I tiptoe downstairs into the kitchen, where I quickly toast myself a slice of bread that I eat with some mashed avocado and a sunny-side-up egg. “You were born on the wrong coast,” my mom likes to tease when I have avocado toast. “It’s such a California thing to do.”

My phone dings just as I shove the last piece of toast into my mouth. I pull it out of my back pocket to read the text from Vada, letting me know she’s waiting for me outside.

“Hey! How was your night?” I ask once I’m in Vada’s car, wiggling my eyebrows as I buckle my seatbelt. I knew Vada was going to spend last night at Steve’s, taking advantage of the fact that we’re officially on summer break, and Steve’s mom’s regular night shifts, to sleep over at her boyfriend’s house as often as possible over these next few months.

Vada sighs deeply, throwing her head against the headrest. “Amazing,” she says all happy and glowing.

“Yeah, you look like it was amazing. Where is Steve?”

“He and Ran took separate cars. They figured that way we can take more stuff at once and don’t have to make so many trips.”

“Smart,” I say matter-of-factly.

Vada looks at me briefly before putting her eyes back on the road. “Hey, I’m sorry if I’m being pushy.” She’s apparently still thinking about the conversation we had on the phone yesterday. The topic had returned to the party on Saturday, how Ronan stopped something potentially really bad from happening, and then Vada repeatedly tried to insinuate that there could be something between Ronan and me.

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