Page 27 of Tiny Fractures

But all that is just backdrop, background noise. For Shane it’s the energy, the vibes, and I know he’s most at peace, happiest, when he’s surrounded by the six of us—or, I guess, the seven of us now.

My eyes move to Cat, seated across the sofa from me, and linger on her face. I allow myself a moment to drink her in. God, it’s like she gets more beautiful each time I see her—which, admittedly, hasn’t been too frequently. I didn’t see her at all this past week, not even at school, and she’s definitely a sight tonight. I mean, she always is, but definitely tonight. She’s wearing a pair of low-rise jeans with worn knees, and a light-blue tank top exposes her shoulders, her smooth skin freckled, just like her nose and cheeks. Her blonde hair is in a half-up, half-down style, strands of it falling loosely down her back and over her shoulders.

She doesn’t seem to wear a ton of makeup, not like some other girls I see around school and at Shane’s parties. I’d guess Cat is probably wearing some mascara, maybe some blush, although the warming temperatures and the setting sun could certainly be the cause of her rosy cheeks. Or maybe Vada, who’s chatting with Cat, motioning her hands wildly, might just have said something that caused Cat to blush. That’s one thing I noticed about Cat right away—the way her cheeks get all flushed with heat when she gets embarrassed or someone compliments her. I don’t think Cat is particularly fond of it, but I really, really like it.

There are other things I notice about her, too: the way her hazel eyes change color from green to more of a brown depending on the light and, apparently, the mood she’s in; the sound of her laugh; and how she nibbles on her bottom lip when she’s deep in thought. All of these things are incredibly attractive, sexy, and they’re all things I shouldn’t be aware of, shouldn’t pay attention to because it can only lead to pain. I’m obviously a glutton for punishment, consistently fucking up in one way or another, but that doesn’t mean I can allow myself to drag someone else down with me.

“You alright?” I hear Shane ask me, his voice low, hushed.

“Yeah,” I tell him, nodding.

“You seem like you got something on your mind,” he says, analyzing my face.

“Actually, just wondering what your plan is as far as working at Murphy’s now that you’re done with school,” I lie.

Shane dives into a conversation with me about his vision for the future—particularly the next few months—our schedules at Murphy’s, making time for friends, to hang out and all that.

I try to focus on Shane, on nodding and responding appropriately, but find myself glancing in Cat’s direction too often. I take note of the way she plays with a strand of her hair while she pays close attention to something Tori tells her and hear her laugh freely with Vada and Summer. And I watch as she stretches her arms over her head, exposing a slight sliver of skin where her tank top rides up over the waistline of her jeans. I feel my body stir, my blood hot with a longing to touch her.

God damn it, this needs to stop. This is not how the evening was supposed to go. I need to take my mind off Cat, do something to distract myself. So I look past Cat down the deck and spot a group of four or five girls standing in a tight circle. I don’t know any of them, but that doesn’t matter. It’s actually better to hook up with someone I don’t have a history with, a girl I’ve never seen around school before, and it’s one of the most effective ways of distracting myself from whatever is going on in my head.

“Sorry, man, but…” I interrupt Shane and nod toward the group of girls, one of whom—a petite brunette in a short, plaid skirt and white cropped top—smiles at me while leaning back against the deck railing.

Shane follows my gaze, then grins. “Alright, well, go do your thing, Ran.” He chuckles and nudges me to stand up from the sofa.

“Hey Ran,” Shane calls after me just as I pass Cat, and I look back at him, feeling our friends’ eyes on me. “Use my room. It’s locked, but the key is tucked up on the doorframe.”

I nod, then make my way to the brunette. I force myself to keep my eyes trained on her rather than allowing them to look at Cat, because for some weird fucking reason I feel even shittier than I normally do when I’m about to hook up with a girl.

Cat

“Where’s Ran going?” Zack inquires from the outdoor sofa at Shane’s this evening.

It’s been a lovely afternoon and evening so far, and I’m enjoying my time with my new friends, just like I always do—relaxing, mostly talking with Vada, Tori, and Summer. I feel myself unwind after the stress that was last week, filled with finals and studying. I feel safe even with the seemingly hundreds of upperclassmen and recent graduates in attendance, owing in large part to how easily and quickly my new friends have taken me into their fold. It honestly feels like I’ve known Vada, Tori, Summer, Zack, Steve, Shane, and Ronan forever. God, Ronan….

“Well, Ran apparently set his sights on Sophie, and Sophie on him,” Shane laughs. He nods in the direction of Ronan, who has made his way over to a group of girls. He stands with his hands in his jeans pockets, his posture confident, assured as he apparently strikes up a conversation with this Sophie girl.

Something stirs inside my chest, a tightness I’ve not felt before when I note the smile on Sophie’s lips, the way she carefully moves her hair over her shoulder, exposing her neck, looking at Ronan with big, brown doe eyes.

“Oh, for crying out loud,” Vada sighs, shaking her head at Shane, her lips pressed together with obvious displeasure at Ronan talking to Sophie.

“Jeez, babe, let him have some fun,” Steve says to Vada.

“He has fun for however long he’s in that bedroom with whatever girl he’s hooking up with, but you guys don’t notice how down he gets afterwards?” Vada questions the guys, all of whom shrug. “Yeah, I figured,” she huffs. “All you guys worry is about is that your boy gets laid.” Vada turns toward me, demonstratively, her back to the guys.

They shake their heads at Vada’s strong reaction to Ronan apparently trying to get lucky.

“Does Ran do this a lot?” I ask Vada with a whisper.

Vada frowns. “Yep, all the time. The guys always cheer him on and stuff, but…”

“But what?” I try to ignore that tiny monster in my chest rearing its head at the thought of Ronan being intimate with some girl.

Vada looks at me for a moment, wavering, then smacks her lips loudly. “But I disapprove. I think Ran deserves better than random fucks.” She emphasizes the last three words, enunciating them clearly and loudly for the boys to hear.

“Stop being a party-pooping cockblock,” Zack scolds his sister.

“Psh, I couldn’t cockblock Ran if I tried,” Vada huffs. “You guys make damn sure of that.”

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