Page 131 of Tiny Fractures

I take several more brutal kicks to the stomach and am semi-conscious when I hear voices. My brother is screaming at my mother, and there are hurried footsteps on the hardwood floor. But just as I begin to hope for relief, my mother stomps violently on my unprotected rib cage, fracturing my ribs and ripping all the air from my lungs at once.

Finally the beating stops, and at that moment I know only pain as I desperately fight to breathe. In a fraction of a second, Steve is on his knees next to me, yelling at someone who’s not my mother, but I don’t know who it is. I’m unable to lift my head, and panic pulses through me along with what feels like endless agony whenever I try to move or get air into my lungs. Steve’s face is close to mine, his lips moving, but I don’t comprehend. My vision is blurred and my heart is beating so frantically in my chest that it drowns out any sound. My struggle for air is desperate; my breaths are short and ragged, irregular and interrupted by violent coughs. I can taste the blood in my mouth, feel it running down my face.

I’m weak and tired. So fucking tired. Maybe if I close my eyes, the pain will go away.

“Ran! Look at me, please!”

I hear my brother’s voice and I fight hard to open my eyes, to look at him, but his outline is blurred. I begin to cough again, unable to catch my breath, to get oxygen into my burning lungs.

“Just keep looking at me, okay? They’re almost here, I promise. Just look at me. Stay with me!” he begs, his voice panicky.

I struggle to take another breath. It’s futile; my lungs refuse to expand and I feel as though I’m drowning from the inside. Mercifully, just then all the pain subsides and I let my eyelids fall shut, a vision of Cat flashing before my mind’s eye. But I can’t hold on to it. I’m just too damn tired. So I give in to the darkness that drags me under, swallowing me whole while silence drowns out the noise around me.

I don’t have to fight anymore. It’s finally over.

Cat

I had the best morning. Admittedly, I was a little sad waking up this morning without Ronan by my side. I understand, of course, that he couldn’t spend all night with me, that he needed to go home. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have loved waking up in his arms again, my body conforming perfectly to his, feeling his warm skin on mine, maybe feel all of him again before we got the day started.

I lay there for a while, my head on the pillow he slept on for a few hours, his scent still lingering in the fibers of the soft fabric. I recalled last night, how I trusted him, how I gave myself to him completely. Ronan was so careful, so gentle. I anticipated some discomfort in the beginning, and when he first entered me, I felt too tight, overly full. For a moment, the burning pain made me doubt that I’d be able to accommodate Ronan’s size. But then I forced myself to breathe, to relax, and I was pleasantly surprised to find it was much less painful than I had thought. He stopped as soon as he felt my body tense, giving me time to adjust to him, allowing me to set the pace. And, god, once I did and he began to push deeper into me, his body so close to mine, the feel of him was all-consuming. I swear I felt like I was flying.

Vada was right when she said I would feel even closer to Ronan after this. It was an act that required complete trust, complete vulnerability—not only on my part, but his as well. Ronan did not disappoint. It was everything; Ronan is everything.

Oh, and I can’t even describe what it was like to see all of him for the first time. I truly thought it would be more awkward, but it was anything but. He’s incredibly gorgeous. I mean, I knew that, obviously, but I had never seen him without at least shorts on. But last night, when he stood in front of me, naked and hard, I had never seen anything more arousing, anything more perfect. His muscles were wound so tightly, flexing, his skin so soft to touch.

I can’t wait to venture further, to learn his body and mine, to discover what feels good to him. After all, so far Ronan has usually taken the initiative, has helped me explore my boundaries, my body. He’s taken me to the highest of highs, but I have yet to really reciprocate. After last night, I’m ready to experience it all with him.

I’m giddy when I finally climb out of bed and get under the shower, knowing I’ll see him in just a few short hours.

The sun is shining beautifully today and tryouts were amazing. The prospect of being with Ronan again in just a few short hours gave me wings, prompting even my coach to comment on my great form this morning.

“Sheesh, girl, you were on fire today!” Vada exclaims when we make our way back to her car after showering and changing. “I’m so hungover today, I could hardly get out of bed,” she laughs, but her face looks pained. “How the heck do you have all this energy today?”

I hesitate for a moment while we get in her car and then turn to Vada. “I have to tell you something,” I say, my heart hammering in my chest.

A knowing smile spreads across Vada’s freckled face. “You and Ran had sex last night, didn’t you?”

My mouth falls open. “Wait, how do you know?”

But then it’s her turn to look surprised. “Are you for real? I was just joking! You guys had sex?” Her voice becomes higher and more excited with every word. “Tell me everything! How was it?”

I laugh but oblige, needing to share with someone. “Oh, Vada, it was everything. It felt so, so good, and Ran was so… perfect. He was gentle, and he took his time. He kept checking to make sure it’s really what I wanted.” I swoon, my mind wandering back to last night. “I honestly thought it would hurt more, or I would feel super self-conscious, but I felt so safe with him, and…” I trail off.

Vada smiles broadly at me, her eyes bright. “Kitty Cat, I’m so excited for you! Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you guys finally did it. How did this even happen?”

“I don’t know. I was finally ready to be with him like that, and then one thing led to another. And it was perfect. God, it felt so incredible,” I say, letting my head fall against the headrest, closing my eyes as I picture Ronan in my mind. “Vada, I love him.”

I let the last sentence sit in the space, big, and loud and clear.

I didn’t think it was possible, but Vada’s smile gets even bigger. “Did you tell him that?” she asks, trying to focus on the road but unable to stop herself from grinning at me.

I shake my head. “Not yet, but I don’t think I’ll be able to hold it in much longer,” I admit, feeling my nerves. I don’t know why I’m so nervous about telling Ronan how I feel about him. I don’t think he would cut and run because I told him I loved him. But it still feels like a big thing to me. I’ve never told anyone that I loved them, except for my family, of course. Then again, I haven’t loved anyone who wasn’t part of my family. I was infatuated with Adam, sure, but the relationship never blossomed into love for obvious reasons, and also because we never did have the connection I have with Ronan. It’s like our souls found each other.

“Then don’t hold it in. He obviously loves you, Kitty Cat,” she says. “I mean, he hasn’t told me this, but I can just tell. That boy would do anything for you. I bet he’s thinking the exact same thing right now, that he loves you and that he needs to tell you already.”

I smile at that thought. “You really think so?” I ask, needing to assure myself.

“Definitely. I’ve never seen him like this. The way he looks at you, the way he acts around you, I’ve never seen him so happy,” she says. “Even when you’re not around, he’s just different. More content, not so restless. Like he’s finally stopped searching.”

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