Page 95 of Tiny Fractures

“What did you steal? You took a shot when Shane said he had never stolen anything.”

I grin against him. “Stickers. I stole stickers when I was like seven or eight. My mom wouldn’t buy them for me, so I nicked them. My mom found them and I got into so much trouble,” I laugh. “She grounded me for a whole week.” I lift my head, my hand on his clothed chest. “Did you really lose your virginity when you were fourteen?” He searches my eyes, then nods. “That’s really young,” I remark, and lower my head back onto him. I can hear his heart beating in his chest, solid and steady. It’s an exceptionally comforting sound. “Can I ask who she was?”

“She was my girlfriend. Well, she became my girlfriend afterwards,” he says, his voice thoughtful. “She was sixteen. Her name was Miranda.”

“How long were you together?” I honestly don’t even know why I’m asking him all these questions about his ex-girlfriend other than to learn more about him.

“About a year, while I lived in Montana this last time. But we broke it off when I moved back to New York.”

“I’m sorry,” I say. “That must have been hard.”

I kiss his chest and feel him tighten his hold on me. “Don’t be. I didn’t have hopes of being with Miranda forever, and if you’d ask her, she’d tell you the same thing,” Ronan assures me. “She was with me because she was bored and because she wanted to stick it to her dad, and I was with her because I needed an escape.”

I lift my head again, eyebrows creased as I search his face. “Escape from what?”

He looks at me as though he just realized he was talking out loud. “Just stuff,” he says, and I know he’s evading my question, but whatever that “stuff” is, he’s obviously not ready to talk about it. I’d be a hypocrite if I pressed him to pour his heart out about his “stuff” and why he thinks he’s not good enough for me when I still haven’t found the courage to tell him about Adam. So, I let it go.

It becomes quiet for a few minutes while neither of us speak.

“Can I ask you something?” I ask into the silence.

“You can ask me anything,” he says in a low voice.

“Okay, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but… so…” This is weird to talk about, and it kind of feels like it’s none of my business. “Shane said something today about having seen you with a bunch of girls, and I get the impression, you know, just from what I hear, like, from Vada, and I obviously see how girls react to you,” I mutter incoherently. Ronan studies me as I talk. “I just, you know, Vada told me about Cheyenne and you, and then Zack said something about homecoming, and just…”

“Are you asking me if I’ve slept around?”

“I think so, yeah,” I admit sheepishly. “Sorry, I know it’s none of my business.”

“It kind of is your business,” he says, then exhales deeply.

“Oh, okay,” I say, somewhat taken aback by how forthcoming he is.

“I don’t really know how to say this without sounding like a complete dick,” he groans. “But, yeah, I’ve had my share of random hookups. That’s what I meant when I told you I don’t usually go on dates, because before you, I didn’t,” he says, causing me to lift my head and look up at him. “I just had casual sex and then I’d never see the girl again.”

“How many?” I’m not sure why I feel the need to know this, because it actually stings a little bit imagining Ronan being intimate with other girls.

“I’m not sure, but… a lot,” he sighs, then falls silent. “Do you think I’m a horrible person?”

“No,” I respond truthfully. “But, isn’t it risky to sleep with so many random people?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, like, you know, STDs and stuff.”

“Oh, yeah. No, baby, I’ve never done it without a condom. I couldn’t even tell you what that feels like,” he says earnestly, his hand gliding up and down my arm.

“Really?”

Ronan nods. “Really.”

“Yeah, me neither,” I say for some levity.

Ronan chuckles. “So, I heard,” he says, his voice gravelly.

“I don’t think you ever told me why you never went on dates,” I say, recalling our prior conversation and realizing I never actually did find out why he didn’t take girls out or even exchange numbers with them.

“I was holding out, waiting for you,” he says with a shrug, and it seriously makes my heart speed up in my chest.

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