Page 58 of Tiny Fractures

My week in North Carolina has been better than expected. When I’m not hanging out with my family, I’ve spent my time with Julie. I’ve known Julie since I was four and she’s one of my closest friends. She was also one of the only people who stood by me as the town turned against me when my relationship with Adam imploded. The aftermath was very public and even more dramatic.

“What do you think?” Julie asks, twirling in front of me in a short white skirt she bought today.

I bite my lower lip as I examine her. “I don’t like that top with the skirt,” I say, and move toward Julie’s closet to pull out a different top for her to wear tonight. It’s Julie’s birthday and my last night in North Carolina, so we decided to spend tonight in style. Julie’s parents are taking us to a local seafood restaurant. And after a lot of begging and whining, Julie also convinced me to go to a party at one of her friend’s houses.

I don’t like the idea of going to a party where I’ll surely run into some of the people who made my life miserable before I left for New York, but Julie promised me we would leave if I felt uncomfortable. Julie’s boyfriend Nate is also tagging along, and I hope their presence will keep the vultures away.

“Try this,” I say, and hand Julie a lilac top that shows off her slender arms and shoulders. Julie takes the shirt from me and I sit down on her bed, taking out my cell phone as she tries on the shirt.

“Are you checking if Ronan texted you?” Julie asks in a teasing tone, looking at me through the mirror.

“Maybe,” I say with a smile on my lips as I scroll through my last text messages.

“Didn’t you guys just talk on the phone like a couple of hours ago?” she asks, and sits down on the bed next to me.

I shrug while I swipe to lock the screen. “No text,” I say, but still smile. I let myself fall backwards onto Julie’s bed and continue grinning. Julie follows my lead and, together, we look at the ceiling of her room. She still has those glow-in-the-dark stars she used to have when we were little. I used to spend almost every weekend at Julie’s house, mostly to get away from my younger siblings.

“You have such a huge crush on him, don’t you,” she states rather than asks.

“I do.” I’m still incredulous that I find myself willing to open my heart when, only months ago, my heart and soul were crushed. “Do you think I’m moving too fast?”

I trust Julie’s opinion. She was one of the only people who told me from the start that she thought Adam was trouble, but I was too naïve to listen. She doesn’t respond to my question right away, and I roll onto my stomach to look at her. Again, she mimics my movements and looks at me intently.

“Nope, I don’t,” she finally says. “Adam was a real ass. Always was, even before he started paying attention to you. And you didn’t date for a long time.”

She’s right: Adam and I only dated for about five months, though the impact our short relationship had on his life and mine goes far beyond that. I still wonder how something that started out so sweet, so innocent, could turn so toxic and end in such devastation.

“I’m glad you decided to trust Ronan,” Julie says, and I stay quiet for a long moment. “You deserve to be happy, and he seems to make you happy.”

“I am happy,” I say, and picture Ronan in my head. I’ve spent a lot of time this past week picturing him, thinking of touching him, of him touching me in turn. And I’m always surprised at my body’s reaction to my mere thoughts. This is definitely new territory for me.

Julie interrupts my thoughts with a giggle. “You look like you’re thinking dirty thoughts.”

I blush. “I guess I kind of was,” I say, and join in her laughter.

“So, is he going to be the one then?”

I raise my eyebrows. “The one?”

“You know, the one you’ll finally sleep with.”

Before I can answer, Nate walks through the door and both Julie and I sit up.

“Hey babe, you ready to go?” he asks, pulling Julie into his arms when she gets up from the bed.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Dinner is nice. Julie has a small family, so it’s just her and me, Julie’s parents, and Nate. I’m glad to see that the restaurant has chicken, and I smile, replaying Ronan’s and my conversation in my head. After dinner, Nate, Julie, and I head to the party.

The house is crowded by the time we arrive, and I have to lift my arms above my head to squeeze through the cluster of people in the entrance. Music plays loudly in the background. There are people dancing in what must be the living room, although it’s barely recognizable. Nate, Julie, and I make our way through the crowd and into the kitchen, where Nate hands Julie a drink. I recognize a number of faces, and some people even come up to me to chat as though there’s no bad history between me and this town. Before I moved away, things had been pretty tough. Adam was the town hero who was going to go off and play pro-football one day, if it hadn’t been for me—or at least that’s what people told me after Adam was sentenced to six months’ probation.

Julie and Nate are in their own little world. His hands rest on her hips, and she giggles into his chest as he whispers something into her ear.

I take my phone out of my bag and send a text to Ronan.

Me: I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

I push the button to make my phone go back to sleep. Only seconds later, I feel it vibrate and a tingle spreads in my stomach when I find a message from Ronan.

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