Page 14 of Kissing My Soulmate

I step inside and tell the hostess I’m going to just sit at the bar. She tries to lead me there, but I tell her I can find it myself.

Finding a spot at the end, I glance around and freeze when I look outside. Lorelei is sitting with a man out on the patio. Fuck, why is that a kick to the balls? Every part of my being wants to jump off my barstool and walk right out there, beating that guy’s ass.

The bartender takes my drink order and a minute later sets my tequila on the rocks in front of me. I waste no time drinking it down and then ordering another. Drinking this one a little slower, I turn to look at them.

My heart pounds in my chest, they’re hugging, and they look like they’re about to kiss. I need to turn away, but I can’t. A couple interrupts them and I watch a little girl, I have no clue how old she is, reach out to Lorelei and she takes her.

The little girl smiles up at her and suddenly my eyes burn. She’s a fucking natural, she deserves to be a mom. I drink down my tequila, I need to get out of here. I’ll go home, get drunk, and forget today ever happened.

Throwing money on the bar, I stand up, and to torture myself I take one last look at Lorelei. She’s smiling at the guy she’s with and hands the child to him. Fuck, I shouldn’t have looked. I head outside and once I’m inside my truck, I scrub my hands up and down my face.

On the way home, I buy a bottle of tequila and proceed to get extremely shitfaced. Because I love to punish myself, I lie on my bed and as the room spins, I look at pictures of Lorelei and me. God, I want her fucking back. I want our lives to go back to the way they were before she changed her mind. I know that’s not possible, and thankfully, it’s not long until I’m face down on my bed, and promptly pass out.

***

“Jasper, come on back.” Jefferson leads me down the hall to his office. “Have a seat.” He takes a seat in his chair, and I sit on the love seat across from him. “How was your week?”

I shake my head. “Awful.” I tell him about seeing Lorelei. “If I don’t do something, I’m going to lose her forever. I can’t lose her.”

Jefferson sets his notepad down. “She wants children.”

I sigh. “I know, but I may have spoken too soon. Lorelei was such a natural. For a moment, I could see a child of ours.” Rubbing my hands on my thighs, I lean forward. “What does it mean?”

“It means maybe that door isn’t entirely closed. It’s an incredibly personal choice whether or not to have children. Only you can make that decision.” Jefferson pulls off his glasses. “Have you thought about doing couple’s therapy. Discuss your fears with her.”

My knee begins to bounce. “Yeah, maybe. Could I bring her to a session with me, here?”

“Absolutely, anything we talk about here would not be talked about in front of her unless you chose to share.”

I nod. “Good to know. Can I think about it?” I need to be a hundred-percent sure I am ready for whatever our future holds, but I also can’t wait too long because there is still a chance I could lose her.

Our session ends and I head out, I’ll call and schedule a visit for us if I can get her to go. On the way home I stop at the store, grabbing a bottle of Tito’s—well I grab it, but then I put it back. I need to have a clear head.

Lorelei pops into my mind and then that guy. Before I can think better of it, I head toward her apartment. I don’t know if she’s there, and what if he’s there? I don’t have any right to tell her who she can or can’t spend her time with. The closer I get to her apartment, the faster my heart begins to race.

I should call her first, I shouldn’t just show up, but I don’t. Instead, I head right for her apartment.

***

Lorelei

“Meow.” Bob bats at my hair while I sit on the sofa reading on my Kindle. He’s the only man I need. I told Jake I needed some distance for now. Our almost kiss has me all confused and I need time to think. I’ve also made an appointment to start seeing a therapist.

I saw one when I was younger, dealing with the trauma of my childhood. Reaching down I rub the tattoo that hides my scar. This time in my life has been difficult, but I have to believe it’ll make me stronger.

Getting up, I grab a wine glass out of the cupboard and pour myself a glass of chardonnay. I take a healthy sip and then pour just a little more in.

My phone pings and I head back into the living room to see it’s a text from Audrey.

Audrey: Hey, girl, just checking in to see how you’re doing. We haven’t really talked much lately. Call me.

I haven’t been avoiding her, but I know I’ve been a little closed off. I’m just trying to process everything and needed to do it on my own.

Knock, knock, knock. I set my phone down and head toward the door. Looking through the peephole, I’m surprised to find Jasper on the other side. Taking a deep breath, I flip the deadbolt and open the door. “Hey,” I greet him as I open the door wider.

“Hi.” He scrubs a hand over the top of his head. “Sorry to just stop by. Can I come in?”

Jasper looks unsure, and that’s not normal for him. I’ve always found his confidence extremely sexy.

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