Page 12 of Kissing My Soulmate

Chapter Seven

Lorelei

After saving the project I was working on, I turn away from my computer and stare out the window. It has been three months since Jasper and I separated, and I still miss him every day. We haven’t even seen each other, which is odd because I still hang out at a lot of our favorite haunts. Maybe a part of me wants to see him, but he’s been nowhere.

Jake and I are still hanging out and getting to know one another, but he’s strictly in the friend zone. That’s where I’ve kept him. He wants more, I know it, but I just can’t pull the trigger and go there.

I’m totally attracted to him, it’s not that. He’s just not Jasper. He’s dating or at least I heard someone spotted him out with a woman. That day I cried myself to sleep, knowing it really was over between us.

I haven’t seen much of Audrey lately. She’s been spending a lot of time with Liam. I’m happy for her though, she seems extremely giddy and that’s all I could ever want for my friend. Everyone around me seems to be that way, I’m the one who’s a mess.

“Lorelei?” Tracy, the receptionist, is holding a small colorful bouquet of flowers. “These just came for you.”

I stand up, coming around my desk. Thanking her, I take them and once they’re set down, I grab the card, opening it

I saw these and thought of you,

Jake

Smiling, I tuck the card back in the envelope. I grab my phone and shoot him a quick text.

Lorelei: Thank you so much. They’re beautiful.

The man is so busy, he’s a sports medicine physician and works on kids all the way up to adults. I’ve learned he is very passionate about his work, and about life. In theory he checks all my boxes. The man is certainly patient and understanding. Maybe to get to the next level—or past what’s blocking me—I should just kiss him or something, rip off the Band-Aid, so to speak.

No, it’s too soon. The hurt is still too fresh, I can’t do that to Jake. He deserves more than I can offer him right now.

My phone pings, and it’s a text from Jake.

Jake: Meet for drinks tonight?

I need to meet him, and I need to tell him that maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore. I’m just not ready, I need to come to terms with the fact I made this lifelong decision after swearing it’s not what I want.

Rubbing the scar, hidden by a tattoo, I think about my parents. I don’t remember them, and I don’t remember the abuse. All I know is I bounced from foster home after foster home. The longest home, and the best, was from ages two to four. They were supposed to adopt me, but she got pregnant, and they sent me back into the system.

After that I bounced from home to home until I aged out. I knew by the time I was fourteen I wasn’t going to have a child because I didn’t know how to love like that. It would kill me if I hurt a child and made them grow up without love like I did.

“Lorelei, are you okay?”

I blink and then turn to look up at Ronnie, her desk is by mine. “Um…I’m sorry, what?”

“Sweetie, are you okay? Your face just got really sad.” Her smile is soft and full of concern.

“I’m okay. Sorry, I just have a lot going on.” I take a deep breath and give her my brightest, fakest smile. “Really, I’m fine.”

I pick up my phone and quickly shoot Jake a text.

Lorelei: A drink sounds good.

We decide on a time and where, and I set my phone down. I notice Ronnie is still looking at me. “I promise, I’m fine.” I give her a very fake smile and luckily, she nods and goes back to work. I do the same and dread the conversation I have to have.

***

Instead of running home to change, I decided to just go to Lucky’s and have a glass of wine before Jake was supposed to get there. Opening the door, I step inside the bar and grill. Asking for a seat on the patio, I follow the host outside.

I take a seat at a high-top table and accept the menu she hands me. She sets the other in front of Jake’s seat. “Have a nice meal,” she says before walking away.

The waitress stops at the table, and I order a glass of pinot grigio. While I wait for her to grab my drink, I tip my head back as the sun shines down on me. The warmth feels good on my skin.

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