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“Not yet,” they answer simultaneously.

They talk quietly to each other, and I sip my champagne and play an exciting game of Candy Crush. I hear a curtain open and turn to watch my future sister walk out looking like a fucking princess. Her dress is a satiny pale blush color with thin spaghetti straps. It’s got a scoop neck that shows off her cleavage and skims over her slight curves.

“Wow, you look beautiful. You’re going to knock Marcus’s socks off.”

Heather blushes and skims her hands over the material. “Thank you, and I hope so.”

She chooses a deep blush color for our dresses—ugh, I cringe even thinking about the word. The two other girls pick their dresses and then take off, leaving me and Heather. I look through my choices and feel my stomach sink. They’re all butt ugly—okay, not ugly, but not really my style.

I feel Heather step up next to me. “The owner brought me out this book…it’s got those jumpers you like. She said we could even get it the same color. It might cost just a little bit more.”

“Why does the thought of putting on a dress make me want to break out in hives?” I shake my head. “I’m a hot mess.”

She wraps her arms around my waist. “I don’t care what you wear. You can wear jeans if that makes you feel comfortable. I just want you to stand up there with me and Marcus when we get married.”

Well shit, now my eyes are burning, but as always, no tears fall—I won’t let them. I look through the dresses one more time and choose the only one that’s semi-decent. It’s got spaghetti straps, a straight neckline that gives a hint of cleavage, an empire waist, and a hidden slit on the side that goes up to my knees.

The lady who was helping us was the only one in the room with me while I tried it on. The material feels like sandpaper against my skin. My heart starts hammering in my chest. I avoided looking at myself in the mirror, afraid that I’d have a freakout. She must’ve been able to see my reaction, because with quick movements, she got my measurements and then was slipping it off me.

How sad is it that I’m more relaxed right now in my bra and panties than when I was in the damn dress?

Once I’m back in my regular clothes, I step out to the seating area. Heather is typing away on her phone, but looks up when I walk toward her. “Are you sure about the dress? I meant what I said. Jeans.”

“I’ll be able to survive one day in a dress, I promise. I can’t believe you’re getting married in a month.” They’re not wasting any time. Luckily, they’re putting a rush on the dress order.

“I know. Your brother didn’t want to wait.” Heather gives me a smile. “He makes me so happy.” She says the last part so quietly.

I wrap my arms around her, hugging her tight. “That makes me so happy for you both. I’m glad he found you.”

We head out to the parking lot and I climb in my baby, wave to Heather, and head home. I pull into the parking garage and see that Silas’s parking spot is empty. I grab my bag before locking my car and heading to the elevator.

Once inside, I toss my bag on the kitchen table and grab a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. The view, now that fall has settled in, is breathtaking. The leaves on the trees along the river are a mixture of reds, yellows, and browns.

This is my favorite time of year: bonfires at my parents’ house, s’mores, and, yes, pumpkin-flavored everything. I plop down on the couch and turn on ESPN, and in no time I fall asleep.

***

I smile, watching Annie climb all over Silas on the floor of my parents’ family room. It’s Sunday night and we’re waiting for dinner to finish cooking. He grabs Annie and she starts laughing her little girl, high-pitched laugh while he holds her over his head.

Images assail me of Silas doing that very thing with a little blond boy who’s the perfect mix of his mommy and daddy. Holy shit, I’ve never thought about having kids until Silas came into my life.

My heart begins to race and I begin to sweat. I excuse myself and hurry to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me, put the toilet lid down, and sit.

I love Silas, I want a future with him, but it scares me. You make yourself vulnerable to someone and it gives them the power to destroy you. Silas is the only person that I trust with that power.

I stand up and splash cold water on my face. I quickly dry it off and open the door. My mom’s leaning against the wall. “Hey, Mom.” I try to appear casual.

Of course she doesn’t fall for my nonchalance and pushes me back into the bathroom, shutting us in. “Tell me what’s going on, baby.” She grabs me by my shoulders. “I saw the way you were watching Silas and Annie.”

“If he wants them with me, I want kids or at least a kid.” I shake my head. “I honestly never thought I’d want them. It just freaked me out a little.”

Mom wraps her arms around me. “It is a really big deal. Your dad and I both freaked when we decided to start our family.” She pulls back and kisses both of my cheeks. “It makes this momma’s heart happy that she’ll get to see her baby have babies.”

With her arm around my waist, Mom leads me back into the family room. Luckily before anyone can say anything to me, the timer goes off. I follow Mom, Beth, and Heather into the kitchen where I pull the huge-ass roast out of the oven.

I pop the rolls in the oven while the rest of the women finish mixing stuff in bowls. While Beth does the greens, I watch her face turn green before she bolts out of the kitchen. I look at my mom and smile. Beth has got to be pregnant again, and that makes me so happy.

She comes out a few minutes later. We all watch her and she just nods. My mom squeals and runs to Beth, wrapping her arms around her. I hear her ask, “How far along are you?”

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