Page 20 of Britain

“Sowwy.” Fuck, I just spoke with my mouth full in front of Silas.

I chance a glance at him, and he’s staring at me smiling, but then his smile dies. He reaches out and lightly strokes the skin under my eye. “Do you need anything?” he asks softly.

Shaking my head, I look down at my plate and continue eating.

Once I’m finished, Silas helps me up and leads me outside to my parents’ back deck. “Why haven’t I heard from you?” Ugh, my voice is nasally.

At first the sound of birds chirping and a dog barking in the distance is all I can hear, waiting for him to answer me. I’m so out of my depth here. I’ve got no experience with men in a relationship capacity. Of course we don’t even have a relationship.

“You’re a virgin. I—”

I hold up my hand to stop him from talking. “I fucking knew it. Why did I have to open my mouth?”

Silas turns me to face him. “Would you let me finish talking? Yes, it’s because you’re a virgin, but not for the reason you think. I meant what I said the last time we saw each other. If I was the man who got that amazing gift from you, I’d treasure it. There are things I want to talk to you about before you decide if you want to pursue this with me.”

“You’re freaking me out,” I tell him truthfully.

He grips my chin, tilting my head back. “Don’t get freaked. Let me make you dinner tomorrow night, and we’ll talk. We can go from there.” Silas leans down, kissing my lips whisper soft, and then leads me inside.

He says goodbye to my parents and then leaves. I turn and find my mom and dad watching me. A tear slides down her cheek. “Oh my god, seriously, Mom? Dad, tell her to stop, it’s not a big deal.”

I stomp down the hall to my old room and climb onto the bed. It hurts my face to lie on my back, so I lie on my side. I don’t need my sweet, romantic mom getting her hopes up. What if what he wants to tell me is bad? I close my eyes, and it’s not long before I fall asleep.

***

Beth grabs my chin to hold my face still while she tries to cover up the bruises under my eyes. She’s helping me get ready to go have dinner with Silas. My hair hangs down my back in a thick fishtail braid. I’m only wearing cover-up, but I wanted to try and conceal some of the bruising.

I’m just thankful that when I got up my eyes were no longer swollen. My dad’s given me the next couple of days off because he doesn’t want me bending over hoods all day.

I was happy about it when he told me because I didn’t want to see my parents—I swear when I woke up from my nap they were in their room having sex, and I was grossed out. I’d slipped my earbuds in and listened to music until my mom knocked on my door and opened it. She sat down on the mattress next to my hip. Her hand stroked softly over my hair in such a loving gesture that it had my eyes burning. She gets me better than anyone and has always been there for me.

I reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her arm toward me so I could hug it to my chest. “Do you think Silas and I are a good fit?” I’ve thought about that question a lot. He dresses sharp, and always looks put together. Getting me to dress up usually is a task. Silas designs apps and is really smart. I work on cars, babysit, and dream of writing. He lives in a kick-ass loft, and I live in my brother's basement.

“Baby girl, I can’t answer that. People didn’t think your dad and I fit. Not just because I’m a black woman and he’s a white man, but because my family was wealthy, and your grandma raised your dad by herself, struggling to make ends meet. We were so young, but so in love. We didn’t care what other people thought. I think people were surprised we lasted as long as we did.

“He’s my best friend, and even though there’s a lot about us that still doesn’t fit, we just do. Gosh, I’m babbling, but what I’m trying to say is that yes, maybe you’re opposites, and even if it seems like you don’t have anything in common, just know this: I was watching you through the window, just for a minute, but the way Silas was looking at you was the same way that your dad looks at me. Just take it slow. Be honest with him. You’re not experienced, and he should know that so he can be gentle with you.”

“He knows I’m a virgin. I told him.” I pushed up until I was sitting upright. “I think it makes him nervous that I am.”

“Well, of course it would. He can see how special you are, and knows what a gift it is.” I roll my eyes, but my mom grabs my chin quickly. “Baby girl you are, and it’s not just because you’re my daughter. It’s because you’re so strong, and you worked so hard to put what happened to you behind you.”

I wrapped my arms around her, lying my head on her shoulder. “Should I tell him what happened?” I’d been going over that in my head, and he honestly should know before something happens between us. My therapist has talked to me about the possibility that I could have issues, but I need to remember he can’t hurt me anymore.

“Only when the time feels right—remember, don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, because it wasn’t your fault.”

Logically I knew that, but sometimes it was easy to forget. “Thanks for the pep talk.” I gave my mom a quick kiss on the cheek.

Chapter Ten

Silas

The chicken is marinating in the refrigerator, and I made a salad earlier that’s in there too. My cleaning lady was here so my place looks good. I move up the stairs to my room and turn around my St. Andrew’s Cross. I’m certain Britain never noticed it when she was here before.

A knot forms in my gut thinking about the conversation that we’re going to have tonight. She’ll know that I’ll take whatever speed with her that keeps her feeling comfortable…unless she runs. Does she see that she’s naturally submissive? Does she know what that truly means?

These past two weeks not speaking to her have been hell, but I needed time to think about the fact that she’s a virgin. Each dick-hardening kiss would have me calling her a liar if she didn’t look so unsure of herself each time.

I spent a lot of time talking to Dan, one of the founding Doms of Heathens. His partner/wife/sub, Patty, has been with him for thirty-five years. They told me how Dan introduced her to the lifestyle, and it took them a while to find their way together.

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