Page 20 of Unexpected Love

“They’re doing great. Vi’s having a little girl, and Dustin’s so excited about it. He can’t wait to be a grandpa. Garrett and Ian both seem excited about you having a baby.”

“Yeah, Dad was a little upset at first, but after I got sick, he quickly got over it. Check out the pendant he’s wearing. I made it. I can make one similar for Dustin if you think he’d like it.” She squeezes my hand and then goes searching for my dads.

After everyone’s done eating, we do the birthday cake and then the rest of the presents. The uncles, cousins, and my brother are all setting up to play in the little cul-de-sac. Neighbors start bringing their chairs out, and kids are running around. Next year my child will be here, probably being passed around and loved.

When everyone’s set up, I move toward the microphone. Pops comes toward me carrying his guitar. “We’ll start with your dad’s favorite song.”

I give him a smile and turn toward the growing crowd. “Hey y’all, thank you for coming to spend time with us and helping to celebrate my dad’s birthday. Daddy, we love you.” He blows us a kiss from where he sits with my grandma.

The beginning notes of “One of These Nights” by the Eaglesbegin to flow through the speakers, and I begin to sing. Singing has always come naturally to me. I’ve performed since I was a little girl. Telling a story through song is a gift that I have treasured.

As the night progresses, song after song is played. Everyone’s having a good time. Dad’s drunker than a skunk and hugging everyone repeatedly. I go into the house to use the bathroom because my stomach feels achy all of a sudden, and when I wipe there’s bright red blood on the toilet paper. My heart starts to race when I stand up to see blood in the toilet.

A stabbing pain hits me, and I double over, crying out. Oh God, my baby. I’m losing it, I just know it. I stumble out into the hall, and Aunt Mara comes rushing toward me. “Honey, what is it?”

“I-I think I’m losing the baby.” I start to sob as I’m hit with another sharp pain and feel a gush rushing down my leg.

Next thing I know, I’m in a flurry of activity. I’m in my pop’s arms, and they’re loading me into someone’s van. Tears pour down my face, someone strokes my hair, and someone is holding my hand.

At the hospital, my brother carries me inside, and they rush me right back. My dad answers all of the questions because I can’t stop crying. I feel another warm gush, but this time it feels different. Down in my soul, I know my baby just came out of me, and I begin to sob hysterically.

The nurses move my pops and brother out of the room against their will. I hear Tay Tay tell them she’ll stay and take care of me, and she does, holding my hand. When the nurse removes my panties, she turns to the doctor that just stepped into the room. “She just miscarried. The fetus appears to be intact.”

“Chloe, I’m Dr. Nolan. I’m so sorry for your loss. I need to examine you to make sure your body got rid of everything, okay?”

All I can do is nod as a strange numbness comes over me.

***

I can hear the hushed voices, but I refuse to open my eyes. I’m not ready to see the looks of pity on their faces. She’s gone, my little girl is gone, and I feel so fucking empty. I feel like a part of my soul is gone. I’d barely gotten used to the idea of being someone’s mom, and now it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore.

Stacy held me while they did the examination, and I got lucky and didn’t need a D&C. They told me if the bleeding doesn’t stop that I might have to have one, but we’ll just have to wait and see. I gave them permission to take my baby to the lab and see if they could find any abnormalities that may have caused the miscarriage.

My Tay Tay cried right along with me when they let me look at my baby. She looked perfect, just super tiny.

After I was discharged, my dad pushed me in the wheelchair, and Pops held my hand. They tried to get me to make small talk, but I didn’t want to talk. I just wanted to go home, shower, then crawl into my bed and fall into oblivion, which brings me to now.

Ragnar and Lagertha are both snuggled up under the covers, providing me with their emotional support. Yes, they’re only cats, but they’re my babies and can sense that I’m hurting. Ragnar is curled against my chest, and Laggie is curled up against my stomach, like she knows.

Tears leak from my eyes, and I don’t bother wiping them away. All I keep thinking is I did something wrong. Maybe I ate something I shouldn’t have. What if it was because of the cats?

I feel the bed compress but keep my eyes closed. My hope is they go away. “Chloe? Do you need anything?” It’s Dad. “Baby girl, talk to me. I know you’re awake.” He sits there saying nothing until finally he sighs. “I’ll be in the living room if you need anything.”

The click of the door lets me know that I’m alone. Thank God.

---