Page 57 of Unexpected Love

“Oh, we will.” I hear my front door open and move through my house to find Joe standing there.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” I move toward him, but I stop because he’s not smiling. He’s wearing a troubled look, and his mouth is pinched tight. Butterflies take flight in my belly. My hands begin to tremble. Is he here to end things?

“What was it that freaked you out? Was it that I want us to live together? Is it because you can’t get past the fact that I slept with a lot of women before you? Tell me, because you looked pretty fucking happy when I said I wanted us to live together. What changed, baby? What’s got you spooked?”

“I’m older than you.” He rolls his eyes at me. “That may sound like a stupid reason now, but what about ten or fifteen years down the road? I’m going to show signs of aging before you. What if you wanted someone your own age, with fewer wrinkles and no gray hair? Then what am I left with?”

“Chloe, you’re reaching for stuff, and those are all what-ifs. Do I seem that superficial to you? I love you. I may only be twenty-four years old, but I know what I want, and it’s you. It seems like you’re just scared.” He moves toward me. “Baby, what is it?”

I shake my head because I can’t say what it is because I’m not really even sure I know. There’s just a clawing feeling in my gut and a paralyzing fear. Joe blows out a breath.

“Goddamn, Chloe, don’t do this. I love you. You love me.”

“I do love you. I just need to think about stuff.” I keep my hands clasped in front of me so I don’t touch him, because if I do, then…well, I don’t know what I’ll do.

“You need to think about stuff?” He sounds defeated, and that’s my fault. “Fine, I’ll go. Know this, if you want this to work, if you want this to go somewhere, then it’s up to you to make the next move, because I know what I want.” He moves toward me and kisses my forehead. “I hope I hear from you soon.”

Just like that, he’s gone. I sit down right there on the floor, and the tears begin to fall. Ragnar and Lagertha come out, and both silently curl up next to me, offering me their support. I look at them. “What did I do?”

They both give me answering “Meows.”

Later in the evening, I’m making myself a glass of chocolate milk when there’s a knock on the door. A part of me hopes that it’s Joe, but the logical part of me knows it’s not. With slow steps, I make it to the door and see that it’s my pops.

He’s always been able to read me like a book. I take a deep breath and open the door. “Hey, Dad. What are you doing here?”

“You’ve been avoiding us, so I thought I should do a surprise visit and see what’s going on. Last weekend you were in Beaufort with Joe, weren’t you?” I nod. “Did you have a good time?”

“I had a great time. He told me he loves me. He wants us to live together.” I don’t miss the way my dad’s eyes widen.

“Do you want to live with him? Because I know you love him.”

“I do love him, but I’m scared.”

“Baby girl, what are you scared of? My girl has always been fearless.”

I don’t answer him right away because I really can’t verbalize it. “I don’t know. There’s just this irrational fear that won’t go away. It was only supposed to be a one-time thing with him.”

“Sometimes things happen that we don’t expect. You know when I met your dad I had just broken up with someone else, and of course at that time I was out only to my family because it still wasn’t acceptable to be a gay man. I went out to eat with your uncle Gary, and he’d been talking me through my breakup. I felt eyes on me, and when I looked up, I found your dad watching me from across the room.” I’ve heard this story before, but I’ve always loved it.

“The whole time we kept looking at each other, and finally your uncle Gary looked at me pointedly and said, ‘If you don’t go talk to him, I’ll do it for you, and you know that’s not a good idea.’ So I did. I got up and walked over to him, and that was all she wrote.” Of course Dad tells it with a lot more flourish.

“The whole point of telling you the story is that I hadn’t been expecting to meet someone that night, but had I not gone with your uncle, then I wouldn’t have met Ian and we wouldn’t have fallen in love. We wouldn’t have gotten you and your brother.”

My eyes well up with tears. Because what scares me becomes crystal clear. “Daddy, what if I can’t give him babies? W…what if I keep having miscarriages? Oh God, what if that’s not even what he wants with me?”

He wraps his arms around me. “Oh, honey. You’re young and healthy, and your doctor said that they didn’t see any problems. It’s very possible to go on and have healthy babies after losing one. Didn’t his aunt lose a baby, his cousin, too? They both went on to have children.

“If you and Joe are meant to have kids, you will, and it doesn’t matter if you give birth to them, adopt them, or foster them. You will give them so much love that they won’t care how they came to be yours. As far as I can tell, he wants everything with you. You can’t be afraid of the what-ifs. You’ll never be happy if you do that.”

My dad makes me another glass of chocolate milk and doesn’t stay much longer, giving me time to think.

As I lie in bed, I stare up at the ceiling. My thoughts swirl around in my head as I stroke Laggie’s soft fur. I grab my phone off my nightstand and scroll through all the pictures of Joe and me. We do look pretty perfect together. The last picture is when we were at his parents’ house for dinner and I’d asked Haddie to take it. Joe and I are in profile and gazing at each other.

His eyes are soft, his smile breathtaking, and his hand is resting lightly on my cheek. I remember that moment because it was right after that he kissed me lightly on the lips. His sister’s dreamy sigh had us pulling away and laughing.

I take a deep breath and pull up his name in my contacts and send him a text.

Chloe: Hey, I just wanted to make sure you got home okay. I’m sorry you had to drive here to get me to talk to you, but I’m glad you did. It got me thinking about things and then Pops stopped by and after talking to him I got some clarity. I have to work in the morning, but can I call you tomorrow night? I love you so much xoxo

I hit send and set my phone back on the nightstand and hope to hear from him.

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