Page 41 of Finding Hope

“It was good. You know me, always throwing bad guys in jail. What did you do today?”

“Henry and I went for a walk. Then we picked up the living room. After that, we took a nap and then we waited for his big sissy to get home from school. Nothing too exciting, but he was a good boy today.” Jonathon looked at the swing, smiling because Henry was watching them with a smile on his lips. “Oh, and we also went to the grocery store. I was hoping you’d grill some steaks tonight.”

He bent down and kissed her lips. “Yeah, baby, I’ll grill.”

An hour later, Jonathon carried the steaks and the beer he was drinking back into the house. Shannon was pulling potatoes out of the microwave. “How do these look?” He set the plate of steaks on the counter in front of her.

“They look good. I’ve got potatoes and asparagus to eat with it. Josie,” she added, “wash up for dinner.”

“Okay, Shannon,” she hollered back.

Once they were all seated, he smiled at his girls. Both of them had good appetites and weren’t afraid to eat. While he dug into his steak and potato, Josie talked about school and her friends and then Tessa’s upcoming wedding. Shannon watched his daughter talk, an expression of love on her face. He’d heard them say “I love you” to each other earlier, and it warmed his heart.

Eventually, he’d share his plans with his daughter to see how she felt about it. He didn’t doubt that she’d be happy. He hated that his daughter didn’t remember much about her mom. Now, he felt awkward talking about Alex in front of Shannon. Maybe not awkward as much as felt bad because Shannon knew in the beginning that Alex was the reason their relationship had been only for sex.

He never thought that he’d find two soul mates or that it was even possible to have two loves of a lifetime. He was lucky, and he knew that. Jonathon didn’t plan on taking it for granted. After dinner, he and Shannon worked together to get the kitchen cleaned up while Josie worked on her homework. Things seemed almost too perfect and he kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.

***

Jonathon pulled into the cemetery and made his way toward the spot he hadn’t been to in a while. He felt bad about it because he used to go all the time to see her or talk to her, but with Henry’s early arrival and dealing with a baby, he didn’t have a whole lot of free time.

He parked his car and grabbed the flowers he’d bought. Weaving between the graves he stopped at Alex’s and got down on his knees next to the tombstone. “Hey, honey. I just wanted to come by and talk to you. I don’t know if you really came to see me or if those were just dreams, but you know why I haven’t been by to see you. Henry’s doing great, and he’s right on track now for growth. Josie, of course is doing amazing in school.” Jonathon took a deep breath and closed his eyes tightly.

“I’ve bought her a ring. I just haven’t given it to her yet. I want to marry her, I do, but something’s holding me back. I don’t know what it is. I love her, I love her so much and Josie feels the same. I really think she’ll be happy about the news, so I don’t think it’s me worried about Josie that’s stopping me from doing it. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being a freak.” He laid the flowers in front on the tombstone. “I miss you. I think I’ll miss you for a long time. Does that make me a bad person?”

Jonathon didn’t stay much longer because he just felt like he needed to see Shannon, to hold her. When he got up to leave, he placed his hand on the tombstone. “I may not be back to see you as often, but don’t worry, I’ll make sure Josie comes to see you.” Moving toward his car, he shook his head when he held out his palm and another tiny feather fell into his hand. Was that Alex’s way of letting him know she was happy for him? No matter what it meant, he’d take it.

In his car, he tried to call Shannon to ask her what she wanted for dinner, but it went straight to voicemail…weird. He sent her a text, thinking maybe she was on her phone. Making his way toward their home, he thought about ways that he could propose to her, maybe by enlisting Josie’s help.

He pulled into the driveway and it was empty. Maybe they were out running errands. Josie was with his sister, so he didn’t have to worry about her. In the house, a strange silence filled the space. Jonathon went down the hall to their bedroom and found something sitting on their bed that had him freezing where he stood. He went to the bed, picking up the bottle of Alex’s perfume, her wedding band, and pictures. Sitting heavily on the bed, he picked up the piece of paper with his name on it.

His hand shook because he knew whatever was inside wouldn’t be good.

Dear Jonathon,

I promise I wasn’t snooping. I was doing laundry and was putting your clothes away. It’s obvious you still love Alex very much, and I’m not mad about it. Please don’t think I am. I just think that maybe we should take some time apart so you can have the space to decide what you truly want. I’m staying at Mary’s with Henry, and you know that you can see Henry any time that you want.

Just know that whatever happens, I will never stop you from spending time with our son. I hope you’ll allow me to see Josie sometimes. Not seeing her every day will suck, but you’re her father, so it’s your decision.

I’m sorry for walking out. I just need you to be one hundred percent sure that I’m who you want, and not just because we have a child.

I love you always,

Shannon

***

It had been hard explaining to Josie why Shannon and Henry were gone. He didn’t know if he should tell her the truth or make up a story. He ended up telling her the truth—a lighter version of the truth. Josie knew he kept things belonging to her mother, and that Shannon had found it, and that she was giving him space to decide what he really wanted.

Josie had looked at him with her big brown eyes and said, “Daddy, we can’t let her leave us. You love her, don’t you?”

“Yes, baby, I love her very much.”

“Then go get her.” Josie marched down the hall to her room and slammed her door.

That was two days ago. He still hadn’t reached out yet. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but he was trying to figure out what to do. He needed to do something big, something that showed her he was committed to her and that they were a family. He didn’t tell Tessa about it. She worried about everything, and he didn’t want to cause any stress in her life.

All he knew was that he missed Shannon and his son. She’d sent a text the night before, a picture of Henry smiling widely. The caption read:

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