Page 5 of Finding Hope

Jonathon sat in his car outside of O’Tool’s for twenty minutes trying to work up the nerve to go inside. He’d been coming in at least twice a week for the past two months to see Shannon. He didn’t know what the hell he was doing, but he couldn’t stop. Sure, he’d had sex in the past five years, but that’s all it was. Things were different with Shannon. He hadn’t slept with her yet, but he wanted to. He wanted to real bad.

He didn’t want to admit it, but he was fucking scared. Shannon was so different. He knew he needed to tread lightly, and he didn’t want to give her the wrong idea. Jonathon wasn’t looking for a relationship. He was looking to have a good time, and that was it. Alex was the love of his life, the other part of his soul and the mother of his daughter. Jonathon had his shot and it was gone.

“Fuck it,” he whispered to himself. He needed to see Shannon, talk to her. Maybe if he was honest with her about what he wanted then he wouldn’t have to worry about her becoming clingy or wanting things he could never give her.

When he stepped into the bar it took a minute for his eyes to adjust to the low lighting. Shannon was behind the bar, her soft laughter reaching his ears as he watched her lean against the bar while talking to a customer, a young guy eating up her attention.

Jonathon kept his eyes on her as he walked along the bar until he reached his spot in the corner. When Shannon’s gaze found his, she gave him a wide smile that showed off her pearly white teeth and her dimples that made her look younger than her twenty-five years.

“Hey, Jonathon!”

“Hey, sweetheart. Can I get the usual?”

She nibbled on her lower lip while she made him a Jack and Coke. She was wearing her hair straight and the lights above the bar made her hair look shiny. Jonathon itched to drag his fingers through it. He shook his head to drive those thoughts away as she placed his drink in front of him.

“Did you work today?” she asked.

“No, I’m off the next two days.”

Her cheeks turned the slightest shade of pink and she moved to the other end of the bar to wait on a gentleman who’d just sat down. How the hell was he supposed to ask her to sleep with him and that’s all it would be? At the bar picking up random girls it was easy. They were drinking, he was drinking, and then he’d follow them home. Jonathon really liked Shannon and she wasn’t just some random girl from a bar.

She came back over to him and rested her arms on the top of the bar. At first, she wouldn’t look at him, but then he heard her sigh and her eyes met his. “W-Would you like to go out some time?”

Jonathon reached out and grabbed her hands as she nervously tapped on the wood. He had to be careful with his words because he wanted her—wanted her more than anything he’d wanted in a long time. “I can’t offer you anything more than a good time. I’m not looking for a relationship. Shannon, I like you, but I don’t want you thinking that this is going to be something more than just us having a good time together. We could have a lot of fun, but I just don’t want you thinking that this would turn into anything more than what it is.”

Her eyes widened. “So just sex?” She looked to her left and right. He was positive it was to make sure that no one heard her say sex.

“Just sex.” Jonathon’s thumb stroked the top of her hand while he waited for her to answer him.

It felt like he had been waiting forever when she finally nodded and whispered, “Okay. Let’s have sex.” His cock immediately got hard in his jeans. Just the thought of sinking between her thighs had Jonathon ready to throw her over his shoulder and take her into the back.

“Tomorrow night. Your place.” He stood from his stool and signaled for her to follow him. Shannon met him at the mouth of the bar. His hand slid into her hair at the base of her skull. It was as soft as he thought it would be. Jonathon tipped her head back. “I promise I’ll take care of you the best I’m capable of.” He didn’t know if that would make her more comfortable with the offer he gave.

“Okay. I trust you.” A riot of emotions erupted within Jonathon as he stared into her piercing green eyes. His own eyes slammed shut to break the spell she’d cast over him. When he opened them again, she was staring at him in confusion.

He cleared his throat. “Give me your address and number.” He watched her grab a napkin and then she scribbled her address and phone number down. “What time do you get off work tomorrow?”

“I’m done at seven.”

“Okay, I’ll come at eight.” Jonathon leaned forward, brushing his lips against her forehead. Her hair smelled like honeysuckle and he had to stop himself from burying his nose in it. He needed to get out of there. “See you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Jonathon.” He really liked the way his name sounded coming from her lips. Hopefully he’d hear it again, but this time when he was deep inside of her.

***

After driving around for a while, he pulled up in front of the apartment he shared with his sister. His stomach turned as he walked up the stairs. Why did it feel like he was about to betray Alex? When he’d had sex before, guilt plagued him, but not to the severity he was feeling now.

When he stepped inside, he found his sister curled up on the sofa reading a book. She looked up at him and smiled. “Hey, how was your night?”

Jonathon looked at his sister and his heart ached. She came to live with them at twelve o’clock in the morning the day she turned eighteen. Their mom died when they were younger and their dad, being the massive piece of shit that he was, starting using Jonathon as a punching bag, but of course the moment Jonathon grew to be bigger than his dad, his dad decided to start beating on Tessa.

When Jonathon moved in with Alex, he tried to take his sister with him, but their dad threatened to turn him in for kidnapping. Alex was so instrumental in getting Tessa help to deal with the aftermath of their dad’s abuse. It made his heart ache because she wasn’t living her life. She worked at a bookstore and helped with Josie, but that was it. She didn’t date and didn’t seem to have any friends.

She acted happy, but was she? Was keeping her there with them keeping her from living?

“It was good. Where’s Jos?”

“She fell asleep reading in her room.”

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