Page 29 of Finding Hope

All he could do was hold his baby girl in his arms and rock her back and forth. Jonathon hated that his daughter, in her short life, already had to deal with so much. He was going to ask his old grief counselor if he knew of any good child psychologists for Josie. He should’ve seen it. He should’ve noticed that his daughter was struggling. It was no excuse, but he knew he’d been distracted lately because of Shannon and the baby. He felt like he was being pulled in so many directions. He needed to figure out how to give them all his attention equally.

When Josie’s cries finally quieted, he grabbed a napkin off the table and cleaned her face up. She looked at him with red-rimmed eyes and he saw Tessa when they were younger. Tessa looked like that a lot after their mom passed away. Jonathon used to hold her while she cried. He brushed Josie’s hair out of her face. “Why don’t you go wash your face and then lie down for a little bit? I’ll wake you when it’s time for dinner, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy.” She wrapped her arms around him again, squeezing him tight. “I love you.” Josie hopped off his lap.

Jonathon got up and grabbed a bottle of beer out of the refrigerator. He tossed the cap in the trash and brought the bottle to his lips. The cool liquid slid down his throat as he stared blindly at the refrigerator. A hand touched his arm and he started. Shannon was standing in front of him, and his tears began to fall. “How could I not see that my girl was struggling? What kind of father am I?”

Shannon’s arms wound around his waist. “You’re a good father, Jonathon. She’s been very good at hiding her feelings. Talking to someone will really help.” She gave him a squeeze. “Things have been crazy.” Jonathon pulled back and wiped his face with his hands. He was exhausted, physically and mentally. “You know what? You took care of me and now it’s my turn to take care of you.”

She pulled his beer bottle from his hands and set it on the counter. With a firm grip, she grabbed his hand and began to drag him out of the kitchen and down the hall. Once they were in his room, she pushed him until he sat down on the bed. “You’re going to relax, take a nap, watch TV, or read.” He opened his mouth to argue, but she covered it with her hand. “No arguments. Let me take care of you and the kids. Please.”

He nodded, and she removed her hand. Spreading his knees apart, Jonathon grabbed Shannon by her hips and pulled her toward him. He didn’t miss the way her breath caught. His gaze slid up her body and stopped when he reached her beautiful face. “Thank you.”

Shannon’s cheeks turned the most adorable shade of pink and she turned her head. She gripped his shoulders as his thumbs brushed back and forth against her soft, warm skin. He wanted to pull her down on top of him, and forget everything that was going on, but instead he leaned forward and rested his forehead against her stomach. Her light floral scent calmed him.

Did Shannon feel it, that invisible pull between them? It was still there from before, but, dammit, he couldn’t act on it until they talked because they had so much to talk about.

“I-I’ll let you get some rest,” she said, wagging her finger at him. “You’d better get some rest.”

Scooting back on the bed, he didn’t realize how tired he was until his head hit the pillow. Before Henry came along, he forgot how exhausting a baby could be, but it was worth it.

***

Jonathon sat up in bed, stretching his arms above his head and letting out a jaw-cracking yawn. Climbing out of bed, he went into the en suite to use the bathroom and brush his teeth. He heard murmuring coming from the kitchen, so he walked through the living room and into the doorway of the kitchen. The sight in front of him warmed his heart. Henry was in his bouncy seat on the table and Josie and Shannon were at the stove cooking.

“Now just keep stirring it until you see little bubbles form at the top.” Shannon kissed the top of Josie’s head and stroked her cheek. “You’re doing great. I’m going to drain the noodles.”

Josie spotted him first, giving him a huge smile. “I’m helping cook, Dad.”

He moved toward her, kissing her forehead. “I see that. What are we having?” Jonathon peered inside the saucepan and it looked like melted cheese.

“Shannon’s teaching me how to make homemade macaroni and cheese.” He moved past his daughter to Shannon and wrapped her in his arms. She settled against his chest and kept working. He gave her a squeeze before letting go and going to Henry.

Twenty minutes later, Jonathon came back into the kitchen with Henry in his arms. Josie was placing a platter on the table with chicken strips on it. Shannon gave him a smile as she sat a bowl of macaroni and cheese down next to a bowl of carrots. She went to him and held out her arms. “Here, I’ll put him in his seat.” He placed Henry in her arms and sat down next to Josie.

Josie chattered away while he filled her plate and they all began to dig in. “This is great,” Jonathon said after taking a bite of his chicken strips and macaroni.

“We made the chicken strips from scratch. We used almond flour. They’re healthy,” Josie said proudly.

They were delicious, he had to admit, and he could taste the seasoning and couldn’t miss the little bit of heat in each bite. The mac and cheese was delectable—creamy, rich, and cheesy. He listened as they made plans for Josie’s Halloween costume. They were going to go to the mall again and get Henry’s costume.

After dinner, Jonathon cleaned up while Shannon fed the baby and Josie took her shower. They worked as a well-oiled machine, settling well into their routine. Once he was done, he joined Shannon on the sofa. Josie was sitting in front of her and Shannon was braiding her wet hair. Henry was in his big sister’s arms, passed out. They were watching some girlie show on Netflix.

He was meeting Tessa for lunch the next day. She was getting married next spring and he wanted to offer whatever help he could. Jonathon wasn’t rich by any means, but if he could help with anything for her wedding, he would. He also wanted to run an idea past his sister. His plan was to have Tessa and Cash watch the kids for the night so he and Shannon could finally have their talk.

***

Jonathon stepped out of the shower, drying off before throwing on a pair of cut-off sweats. He brushed his teeth and then wiped off his face. Turning off the light, he stepped back into his room and found Shannon sound asleep on her side of the bed. God, it was hard sleeping next to her every night. That morning the week before had been the closet they’d been to getting physical, but then the baby woke up very angry, which was the norm, because he was such a pig when it came to his feedings.

In a week, they had Henry’s two-month check-up and Jonathon was so curious about how big he was. He’d more than doubled in size since his birth. They said some babies caught up quickly, and some remained on the smaller side. He wasn’t looking forward to Henry getting his shots, though. It always made him feel helpless when Josie had gotten her shots. He’d been close to tears watching his daughter wince and cry.

Easing slowly into the bed, Jonathon pulled the covers up and over him. Like every other night the past week, Shannon rolled toward him until she was flush against him. His dick immediately woke up and he moaned as she rubbed against him in her sleep. She threw her arm over his middle and buried her face in his neck. She probably didn’t realize that she was trying to become one with him. He wound his arm around her shoulders and hugged her close.

Jonathon heard a noise coming from his bedroom. He got off the sofa and made his way down the hall. First he peeked in on Josie, who was on her side with her hands tucked up under her chin. She looked like his beautiful angel. He heard the noise again, and kissed her forehead before he stepped into Henry’s room. His son was hooked up to all of those wires and tubes. He wished he would get healthy so they could remove all that shit.

Again, he heard the noise, and he kissed Henry’s forehead and then stepped across the hall into his bedroom. Shannon was lying in the middle of the bed with her hands clasped in front of her. She didn’t move when he called out to her. He ran up to the bed and gently climbed on the mattress.

“Shannon? Baby?” Reaching out to touch her, he was shocked to find she was ice cold. He grabbed her by her shoulders and gave her a little shake. “This isn’t funny, baby.”

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