Page 25 of Finding Hope

“Would you at least let me feed my son, dammit?” He knew he shouldn’t have snapped at her, but he used to love this time of night with Josie when she was a baby. He’d feed her and rock her, bonding with her. “I’m sorry. I just would like to spend a little time with my boy.”

She hung her head and he reached out, running a hand down her strawberry blonde curls. “Of course you do. I’m s-sorry. You sit with him and I’ll go make his bottle.” She disappeared into the darkened hallway.

As soon as Jonathon stuck the nipple in his son’s mouth, he immediately stopped crying. He was just hungry. When the bottle was halfway finished, Jonathon pulled it from Henry’s mouth and placed the screaming boy over his shoulder so he could get a couple of good burps out of him. After he was finished and he changed his diaper, he rocked him until he fell back asleep.

Placing Henry back in his crib, Jonathon bent down and gave him a kiss before turning to leave. He found Shannon leaning against the far wall, looking like she was dead on her feet.

“Go to bed, baby. He’s zonked out with a full belly.” He reached out and rubbed his thumb back and forth over the skin under her eye. “Do you want to sleep in my room? I’ll sleep in here.”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll sleep here.” He watched as she climbed under the covers and gave him a tired smile. “Goodnight, Jonathon.”

He stepped into the hall, shutting the door behind him, but he didn’t move. He put his ear to the door and listened as he heard the covers being thrown back and the bed squeaking as she climbed out. Then he heard the glider as she rocked back and forth. With a heavy sigh, he knew he was going to have to do something and soon. It wasn’t healthy for her to go without sleep.

Looking in on Josie, he found her curled up on her side. He headed back into his own bedroom, wondering how he’d get Shannon to rest.

***

Jonathon climbed out of his car after work. Tessa would be there any time to pick up Josie and take her out for dinner so Jonathon could talk to Shannon alone just in case it went badly. When he stepped inside, Josie was sitting on the sofa with Henry in her arms and a bottle in his mouth. “Hi, Daddy.”

“Hey, baby girl. How was school? Where’s Shannon?” He bent over to kiss her on the top of her head and then stroked Henry’s smooth, soft cheek.

“School was great and Shannon’s in the shower.” Josie looked back down at her brother, smiling.

He walked into his bedroom and heard the shower in his en suite running. Jonathon changed into a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt and then made his way back out into the living room and took Henry from his daughter. He was in the middle of burping his boy when Tessa knocked and came in.

“Aunt Tessa!” Josie ran to her, hugging her tight. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought I would come take you out for dinner and maybe go to the bookstore. How does that sound?”

Josie squealed excitedly and then ran to get her shoes after Jonathon told her to.

He didn’t tell Tessa what was going on, just that he needed some time alone with Shannon to talk about things. “Thanks for taking her out. I just thought it would be better if she wasn’t here. There are some things we need to discuss and I’m not sure how it’s going to go.”

Tessa’s brow furrowed. “Are things okay with you guys?” She worried her bottom lip as she reached out, rubbing Henry’s head.

“Of course. We just need to talk about some stuff.” He burped Henry and then let Tessa get her snuggles in before Josie came bounding out of her room with her shoes on. “Be good for your aunt and I’ll see you later.”

He took Henry back and watched them leave. After changing his diaper, Jonathon laid him down in the playpen in the living room and went into his bedroom and heard the shower still running. He put his ear to the door but couldn’t hear anything. Pushing it open, he stepped inside and knew he couldn’t call out to her because her sound processor was on the sink.

Scaring her was the last thing he wanted to do, but he was prepared for it when he grabbed the shower curtain and began pulling it back. The sight before him was not what he expected. Shannon was curled up in the bottom of the tub silently crying. He grabbed the knob to the water and quickly shut it off before helping her stand. Her towel was on the edge of the sink so he grabbed it and wrapped it around her trembling body.

She watched him with weary eyes as he dried her off with tender brushes of the towel. Once she was dry, he slipped her robe on her, securing the belt so it wouldn’t fall off her extremely thin frame. How did he not notice how skinny she was getting? Shannon couldn’t have been more than one hundred and ten pounds when they met, but now she had to be under a hundred pounds. Every bone seemed to be more pronounced than before. Her already fair skin was extremely pale.

With her brush in his hand, he took her into his room and sat her in front of him as he dragged the brush through her hair. Thankfully, having a daughter had taught him how to do simple hairdos. He braided her hair and then secured it at the bottom with a hair tie. He stepped beside her and placed her processor in her palm. After putting it on, she looked up at him expectantly.

“Shannon, what’s going on? You’ve been crabby, you’re losing a lot of weight and I just found you crying in the shower. Baby, what is it?” He picked up her hands, giving them a squeeze.

“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m fine.” Her cheeks were turning red.

“Do you even get any sleep? I’ve tried to help with Henry during the night, but you’re always up. I told you, he’s my son too, and I want to help with him but I can’t do it because you won’t let me. Hell, your mom and sister both said you always turn down their offer to come sit with him so you can sleep.”

“I sleep some.”

“I honestly don’t believe that. Why aren’t you sleeping?” Jonathon’s heart broke as he watched Shannon’s eyes turn glassy and then the tears started spilling over. “Please, honey, tell me.”

“What if I go to sleep and I don’t hear him? If Felix wouldn’t have woken me up, we would’ve died. We almost did from my fall.” Shannon looked up at him. “I can’t let anything happen to him because I can’t hear while I sleep.”

Jonathon pulled her into his arms as she sobbed. No wonder she was afraid to go to sleep. A sick feeling filled his stomach as he thought about what she’d said. What would’ve happened had she not woken up? No, he wasn’t going to think about that. Instead, he would be happy that they were both here and okay, or at least Shannon would be once she got some sleep.

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