Page 40 of Unbelievable You

“Fucking hell,” I panted, wiping my hand off on said sweatpants. I hadn’t needed a shower before, but I needed one now.

On wobbly legs, I got up and stumbled to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Clarity didn’t hit me until I was leaving the shower and I started feeling uncomfortable about how things were going with Stace.

I knew she was into me. She was so obvious about it. She wanted me to know. And as much as I’d tried to deny it, I was into her too. Probably not to the same degree, but I did want her. God, did I want her. So much that it was getting hard to function around her. Every time she spoke, I imagined how her lips would feel on mine. What kind of kisser she’d be. Aggressive? Soft? I bet she would use her tongue and use it well.

Then there was her body. Holy fuck, her body. I wanted to climb her like a tree and wrap every limb around her.

This kind of intense attraction was almost violent and getting worse by the day.

But Stace and I had different ideas about life and how it worked. Stace was a romantic. I knew that within the first few conversations with her. She came from a loving family and expected to have love in her life. A wedding and a family and anniversaries and vacations and everything that came along with that. She would never get that with me. We’d never have it together.

And I didn’t feel comfortable just having sex with her when she had those expectations. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.

I was down to two options: cut off all contact, or ride out this feeling until it went away.

Cutting contact with her was the most rational option, but when I thought about not seeing her in my yoga classes and not getting pie and never hearing her laugh or seeing her smile again, panic and despair hit me in the chest. I liked her, in addition to being attracted to her. She was so bright and funny, and I never really knew what she was going to say. Stace surprised me. Her upbeat energy made you want to be around her. Like basking in the sunshine.

No, I didn’t want to let go of that. So I’d simply have to wait until my desire for her cooled off. It would happen. I’d spend enough time with her that we’d get comfortable and then it would stop. My attraction was strong because it was new. She was new. Once we got to know each other, she’d transform into someone I saw purely platonically.

It was only a matter of time until I could be normal around her.

The bookstore was a little hard to find, but I knew I was in the right place when I spotted Stace standing outside and leaning against the wall. She wore a sweatshirt with the firehouse logo on it and her hair fluttered in the breeze, the sides freshly cut.

Why did she have to be so attractive? It wasn’t fair. Like some higher power had created her in a lab to appeal to me.

When she saw me, she smiled, both dimples popping and I tripped on the sidewalk and almost went down. I managed to catch myself and keep walking, my face red from embarrassment.

“You okay there?”

“I’m fine,” I mumbled. “Is this it?” I pointed up at the very small sign that just had a stack of books painted on it. No business name or any other identifying details.

“Yup. One of those hidden gems.” She held the door for me, and I walked into a dimly lit space that smelled strongly of old paper, dust, and leather.

This was a bookshop all right. Books were crammed haphazardly on shelves, in rickety piles on tables, even in stacks on the floor in some corners. Scattered around were several mismatched chairs and a few stools for getting books off the higher shelves.

There wasn’t even a register, just an older man sitting behind a desk near the front and flipping through a book, squinting at it before setting it aside and picking up another from a tote bag on the desk.

“Isn’t this place amazing?” Stace asked, her face all lit up with excitement. Her energy was palpable. She bounced on her toes and looked around as if her eyes couldn’t pick out one thing to settle on. Any moment now I expected her to let out a happy little squeal or start jumping up and down like a little kid. Normally someone like Stace might have annoyed me. She could be a lot. But instead of making me want to move away, being around her only made me want to get closer. Like cuddling up to a warm fire in the winter.

Stace’s positivity was contagious, which is something I didn’t think was possible for me.

“It’s something,” I said and then sneezed. A second later, a black cat darted around one of the shelves and jumped up into a chair.

“Oh, hello baby,” Stace said, immediately going for the cat. She crouched down and slowly held out her hand. The cat watched her for a moment and then bumped its head against Stace’s palm and started purring.

“Aren’t you a sweetie,” Stace said in a soft voice as she rubbed under the cat’s chin. It made sense that the cat instantly adored her, given her day job.

A few other people milled around the space, seemingly lost in their own journey to find literary treasures. There didn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason for how the books were organized so it was a free for all.

“Okay, I can’t spend all day petting the kitties,” Stace said under her breath before standing up. “Shall we?”

I nodded and she dragged me to the back, explaining that the books were shelved according to subject, but that didn’t necessarily mean much.

“So, if you find the section on whales, you’ll get, like, books about whale anatomy, but also Moby Dick and things like that. There’s also a chaos section where they just put whatever and you can find just about anything in there.”

This was quite the establishment. I had no idea how they stayed in business. There was no way they were making enough to cover overhead costs. I bet the owner was wealthy and had this shop as a hobby. That would explain this absolutely nonsensical shop.

Stace dragged me around the shop and shoved me in front of the shelves to browse while she did the same.

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