Page 19 of The Next Chapters

She basked in that for a few seconds before remembering the topic of conversation they were having. Her confusion leeched back in. “You have no idea how much that means to me, babe, and if you want to take a break in the whole having kids conversation, we can. But I just still don’t quite get it?”

Riley sniffled, bringing her free hand up to wipe over her eyes more rigorously than Gianna had. “No, we should talk about it. Because that’s the point.”

Gianna’s eyebrows pulled down, trying to figure out where Riley was going. It was so incredibly rare that she couldn’t even follow Riley’s train of thought that this was entirely too disconcerting for her.

“The thing I’ve realized is that… I kind of understand my mom, Gianna. Losing my dad made her lose a part of herself. The brightest part of her. The softest part of her. I know she loves Ellie and me, but I also know that there’s a permanent disconnect between us. And while I’ve long gotten used to it, I’ve never understood it. But I think I do, now.” Riley’s eyes searched her own before she confessed, “Because the truth is that if something ever happened to you, like it happened to my dad, I think I would become her.”

Her back snapped straight up with Riley’s words, her hand falling from Riley’s face and landing on the table with a thunk, as shock raced through her. Quickly followed by rejection, and she firmly shook her head with it. “No. No, you wouldn’t.”

Riley nodded, though, her expression gravely serious. “Yes, I would.”

“You wouldn’t,” she insisted with absolute certainty. “Riley, you’re – you’re Riley. You have such a sense of self; you could never lose it. With or without me.”

“I might have a sense of self,” Riley acknowledged, “But you are everything that lights up my world, Gianna. I love my work, and I love our found family, but… you are what I revolve around. You’re my sun. It’s crazy that we didn’t get together long before we actually did because that’s been my truth for my entire adult life. And while I can use logic to talk myself out of being terrified every single day that something might happen to you, like it happened to my dad, I’ve realized in the last week that I can’t use that logic to quiet my brain around having a baby with you.”

Riley drew in a deep breath, closing her eyes with it. “I’m just so terrified that I could lose you, especially because I know I would lose myself, too. And with children in the mix… god, it would be…” She shuddered as she shook her head.

“Bella, I literally can’t even imagine a world without you in it.” Gianna wouldn’t have imagined that world because even the hypothetical statement made her veins thread with ice. “But – is this fear enough to stop you from doing this?”

In all honesty, that wasn’t a dealbreaker for Gianna. Until just two years ago, until being with Riley had become a real possibility, she’d believed she would be contentedly child-free forever.

But she’d be lying if she said that the idea of having a bigger family – something she’d yearned for since longer than she cared to admit – with this woman didn’t fill her with a longing she couldn’t deny. She didn’t want to.

She was finally at a place with Riley where she didn’t have to deny what she wanted.

“It’s not,” Riley finally said, shaking her head. “But I’m really worried that I’m going to become the person who puts you two in a bubble whenever we leave the house.”

Gianna laughed at that, amazed at the lightness that had returned to her now that she felt like they were getting back on the same page. “Well, consider yourself moving into that bubble with us. Because I would be lost without you, too.”

Riley closed her eyes and breathed, the tension in her shoulders loosening with it. “I guess I just didn’t expect for this to bring up so many feelings like this.”

“It’s a really big thing,” Gianna reasoned, unable to stop herself from leaning in and pressing her lips to Riley’s cheek. She just wanted to be close enough to inhale her, to feel her soft skin against her mouth. “I think it makes perfect sense.”

Riley wordlessly nodded, turning her head ever so slightly so she could kiss Gianna’s cheek.

As Gianna leaned back, Riley arched her a look. “So, you might have to be patient with me. And you will definitely have to deal with me hovering and needing to take care of you and Potential Baby.”

Gianna sent her a look right back. “I waited a decade for you, Riley Beckett. I think I know a thing or two about being patient where you’re concerned.”

Part

Four

WHAT FAMILY MEANS

The Before

AGE: 25

Decorations – check

Guests starting to arrive – check

DJ – check

Gianna’s favorite foods – check

Special letter from Mummo – check

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