Page 35 of Better Than Expected

“Not yet,” Caroline echoed, staring at Hannah with something akin to wonder. “Not yet?” She gently – so heartrendingly tender – reached up and stroked her palm against Hannah’s cheek. And, after feeling like she’d shown every card she owned, like she’d truly bared her soul, the touch felt so soothing.

Still, she felt like her heart was pounding out of her chest as she shook her head.

“I’m not ready yet to commit to anything more right now than that I love you and I want to be with you. But I can tell you that I’m terrified of losing you, and that that scares me more than the idea of an uncertain forever.” Hannah leaned her cheek into Caroline’s palm and closed her eyes at the accepting warmth. “Just don’t give up on me. Please,” she finished, finally feeling like she was able to take a deep breath.

Hannah didn’t even realize it happened before her arms snaked out and wrapped around Caroline, pulling her so close in a hard, desperate hug. She needed to be close, so badly.

She’d never been so scared to lose someone before. It was a terrifying thought, especially when she considered her hard-fought independence. But… as she shut her eyes and breathed in the smell of Caroline’s shampoo, as strong arms wrapped around her as well, she couldn’t do without this now.

She wouldn’t. It might take time, but she would work on it. “I can work on it.”

“I think I’m going to need you to. I’m here, Hannah, and I don’t want to go anywhere. Because, seriously, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. But, I’m going to want more, in the future.”

Hannah bit her lip and held on a little tighter. “I know.”

There was still that knot in her stomach, but it loosened.

September 6 – This Year

Hannah jumped where she stood in the kitchen preparing dinner, as the door to the apartment opened and then slammed closed. Putting down the knife she’d been about to use to chop vegetables, she turned to walk down the front hall. “Hello?”

Only to pause with relief as Abbie stormed down the hall, coming to stand in the doorway of the kitchen. Her eyebrows were crinkled in a very rare, angry expression and before Hannah could even ask, she announced, “I don’t want to go to Grandma and Grandpa’s next weekend.”

Wiping her hands on the dish towel she had hanging on the counter, she reached out to smooth her hands over Abbie’s hair to study her face in confusion. “Honey, what are you talking about? What happened?”

Abbie typically always had a great time with Francis and Marina. Sometimes it was… stuffy, Hannah supposed was the best word for it. But she wasn’t shocked, considering the silver spoons they’d both been raised with.

“They took me back-to-school shopping today and then you all talked about me spending next weekend with them and I don’t want to.” Abbie’s hands went to her hips, bunching her T-shirt there. “I miss Gram.”

At the mention of her own mother, Hannah felt the painful little zing right to her heart. “I do, too, honey. But–” She didn’t have the chance to finish speaking her bafflement aloud before the apartment door opened again.

The distinct clacking of Marina’s ridiculously expensive high heels sounded toward the kitchen.

“Abigail, do not run away or slam doors when your grandfather and I are speaking to you. Is that the manners with which you’re being raised?” She arched an eyebrow at Hannah.

She grit her teeth at the familiar look. She got along better with Francis than Marina and always had, but dealing with both of them could be… trying. She knew that Michael’s parents were civil with her for Abbie’s sake and that she managed it back for the same reason.

Before she could say anything, Abbie whipped around to face her grandmother. “You – you said Caroline was not nice words, and I heard it!”

“What?” Hannah asked, the hot feeling of defense and irritation starting to work through her already, her hands landing on Abbie’s shoulders for support as her daughter leaned back against her.

“I wanted to call Caroline and ask her a question and Grandma said no, and then – and then she asked where we went shopping for school stuff last weekend and I said that Caroline took us to stores near her house, and she said–”

“Do not point at me, Abigail, show some respect.” Marina cut her off.

“You show respect!” Abbie said back, tilting her jaw up in defiance.

Marina’s shocked intake of breath seemed to echo through the kitchen.

Hannah lightly massaged Abbie’s shoulders for a few seconds and took in a deep breath through her nose to calm the angry, roiling feeling in her stomach. “Abbie, why don’t you take a breather in your room for a few, okay? It’s all okay, honey.”

Abbie turned around and stared up at her, big blue eyes angry and right under that, a little vulnerable. “She said that Caroline was a predat – preda-tor-y – lesbian and that she takes advantage of weak-willed people, and that–”

Feeling both gutted and slapped in the face with the words, Hannah managed to give Abbie the slightest, tight smile. “Just, go to your room, honey. I’ll be right there.” She waited until Abbie rounded the corner, before she turned back to Marina, hands falling to her own hips and let the anger sear through her. “You said what to my daughter?”

Francis’ soft footfalls sounded moments before he appeared behind Marina’s back, shaking his head already. His voice was low and placating, speaking over his wife. “Now, Hannah, she didn’t say that to Abbie.”

“I don’t care! How dare you?” Hannah didn’t know the last time she’d felt so… so livid. It pounded through her veins, on both her behalf and, even more, Caroline’s. She could expect something like this from Michael, but – “We have always managed to keep a civil, if nothing else, relationship between the three of us. No matter what. I always assumed having a relationship with Abbie meant that much to you.”

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