Page 28 of Better Than Expected

A key.

It was a key?!

“Caroline, we can’t move in with you,” the words rushed out of Hannah, because this had been something that she’d been fearing.

That with Caroline’s house coming together and their relationship going so well, because it really was, that this would be next!

Caroline froze, key in hand, as the soft smile on her face fell. The feeling of causing that look mixed with the dread already in her stomach, she… she swallowed hard but pushed on.

“I mean, you and I are– we’re so good together.”

“Yeah,” Caroline echoed quietly.

“We are, but I… but things are so good right now, the way they are. Everything in my life is falling into place the way I’d always dreamed of.” It was. She had her daughter, and she had her degree, and the job she actually enjoyed, and she was financially starting to see a light at the end of a very dark tunnel. “I can’t, that can’t change.”

It couldn’t. She couldn’t jeopardize that, and her blood was rushing in her ears, and–

“I wasn’t asking you to move in,” Caroline said, her voice low and perhaps the most dejected Hannah had ever heard it.

Hannah’s hands, midway through dragging through her hair, fell to her sides. And she ran through the conversation and realized Caroline was right. She hadn’t asked.

Embarrassed – she could hardly ever get the words out, but this time when they flew right out of her rooted in fear, it wasn’t even what she’d thought – Hannah could only stare for a long moment. “I’m… I’m sorry. I saw the key, and I thought…”

“You thought that I was asking you and Abbie to move in with me,” Caroline filled in the blanks, but her voice was still full of that hurt tone. “And your immediate thought was a very defensive speech to tell me no.”

Hannah squeezed her eyes closed while her heart felt like it was being squeezed in her chest.

Still, she nodded. And of course, now was when she felt at a loss for words. “I didn’t– I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry for the way you feel,” Caroline said, and Hannah could tell she meant the sentiment, even with the empty sound in her words.

“I’m just, I’m not ready.”

Caroline nodded slowly as she reached out and put the key on the railing. “I only wanted to give you the key, so that you knew you could come here whenever. If you needed anything or when we have plans or…” She cleared her throat and blinked quickly. “You don’t have to take it.”

Hannah opened her mouth once, then twice, but nothing came out. She didn’t know how to phrase the feeling that clogged up her throat and made her heart flutter with anxiety at the thought of next steps and futures.

She didn’t want to apologize for her words, but for hurting Caroline’s feelings. Those words didn’t come out, either.

She could see the way Caroline’s jaw worked, clenching, as she swallowed hard and stepped back. Hannah could feel the extra inches between them, painfully.

“Here’s the thing, Hannah. I’m not going to ask you to move in or to marry me–”

Marriage?! The word stole Hannah’s breath all over again.

“I’m not going to do any of those things until I’d be one hundred percent sure that you’re ready, because I’m never going to push you into them. I know that’s not now and honestly, I’m not sure when it would be. So, I’m not asking,” Caroline repeated, mustering up a small smile that dug right into Hannah’s heart with how it was just a bit off. “But… it did still hurt a little to hear.”

“I’m–”

“Don’t apologize,” Caroline murmured, quirking her lips into a half-smile, one that spoke of gently hurt feelings and quiet understanding that Hannah was never quite sure she was worthy of.

“It hurt to hear. But, technically, we’ve been together for less than a year. You’ve been officially divorced for just over. I want you, Hannah, in every way. I think you know that.”

Hannah did. She could feel it, feel loved in a way that she’d never imagined before.

She didn’t know how to put in words all of the feelings she had around that, around how it made her feel. Around how that kind of even added to her nerves while it also made her feel beautiful, adored, warm, anxious, undeserving… a whole myriad of emotions.

All she really knew for sure was that she didn’t want this to change anything. Not just in her life, but between them. Because what they’d found here between them, exactly as they were, was perfect.

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