Page 17 of Better Than Expected

But then Caroline dropped her gaze and went to play with the zipper of her jacket as she answered, “I’ll have to think–”

Hannah was already nodding – of course she’d have to think about it – when Caroline paused and tilted her head. “What about the answer to a question?”

Hannah arched her eyebrows, incredulous. But, this was Caroline. Caroline would want something like the answer to a question. Still… “A question?”

She’d answer whatever question she could for Caroline, but honestly, she wasn’t sure there was much she knew that Caroline didn’t.

The glint in Caroline’s eyes made Hannah swallow hard as soon as it was trained on her. This was lawyer Caroline, now. This was Caroline with her teeth dug into a topic. This was the Caroline who represented her in her divorce. A Caroline who was laser-focused, smelled blood in the water, and knew what to say to get information she needed to hear.

This Caroline frightened Hannah almost as much as she found her ridiculously, utterly sexy.

Her stomach clenched.

“On Halloween, you said that my not showing up to Abbie’s party was what you were afraid of and that as soon as I knew… but you didn’t finish.”

Oh. Oh no.

Hannah’s stomach dropped out with an entirely different feeling. Dread.

Oh, no.

She had said that. She’d felt so certain that Caroline must have known, after the lake house, that Hannah wanted her so badly. That once Caroline knew how much Hannah wanted her, that it would all come crashing down, this friendship. This… this special relationship.

She could feel the color leave her cheeks as her anxiety ratcheted up, and she started toying with her fingers nervously, trying to think. Trying to think of anything to say, of how to navigate this.

But of course, as usual when she felt pressure or high emotion, she felt tongue-tied. And with her lack of anything to say other than, “I was terrified that as soon as you knew how you light my body and feelings on fire, you would start acting differently, and I want you to want me back, but it’s what I’m most afraid of, too!”

She could feel her cheeks heat with the words unsaid, and she diverted her gaze to the coat rack behind Caroline as she bit the side of her tongue to try to think.

Caroline cleared her throat, shaking back her hair as she looked a little embarrassed. “I mean, maybe it’s silly, but I…”

Oh no, she thought again as Caroline cut herself off and then leaned in. Leaned in just enough to catch Hannah’s gaze and make her feel powerless to look away, even as her heart thudded in her chest.

“What is it that you think I know? What are you afraid of?” Caroline’s voice was soft but determined. It was a voice that not only demanded answers but made you want to give them.

God, Caroline was so good at what she did.

“Nothing,” she managed to say. The lie made her nerves tangle even tighter. “It was just– I was angry and my mind was going in a hundred different directions and that just slipped out.”

She couldn’t even convince herself with those words, and she knew she didn’t convince Caroline, either. Hannah dropped her gaze again, feeling herself tense even tighter, like a volcano ready to explode. She couldn’t look Caroline in the eye while she lied to her like that.

With Michael, she could do it in an instant. The same way he did to her.

But she couldn’t do it, now. Not with her.

Caroline sought out her eyes again, and they alone begged the truth even without words. She ducked her head and moved closer, close enough now that Hannah felt surrounded by her light, clean scent. It was something she’d come to associate with comfort over the last eleven months, but she couldn’t take comfort right now.

“It’s obviously not nothing,” Caroline murmured, her voice so quiet but somehow so loud as she called out Hannah’s untruths.

She couldn’t – she couldn’t – she had to meet Caroline’s gaze as the desperation inside of her started to peek out. “Please don’t push this. You… you know,” her voice was low, absolutely pleading, but she didn’t care.

She didn’t know how to do this. She didn’t know how to have a relationship with Caroline. She didn’t know how to really have a relationship at all right now.

It was just made so much more complicated by how much she wanted one.

“I just want it to stay in the box it’s in because as soon as we talk about it, as soon as the box is open, it’ll be different.”

Everything would be. As soon as Caroline acknowledged that she could have Hannah – that Hannah wanted her. That Hannah had never felt more desire than when she thought of Caroline. That Hannah laid in bed during their nightly phone calls and felt that the world was at peace, like she could actually sleep restfully for the first time in forever. That Hannah had never slept as well as she did when Caroline had laid on top of her and snuggled in close –

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