Page 64 of Guarded from Corruption

“Ah, Jade.” He turns me on his lap. “I knew, too. I didn’t want to rush you. If you weren’t sure…” His expression sobers. “I’ve wanted you for so long. And now… I wish I’d said something sooner. Done something sooner.”

“Why didn’t you? If you felt like that?” It’s not said bitterly, but out of true curiosity. “I thought you only saw me as Shea’s best friend. Kind of like a surrogate little sister.”

Niall grimaces. “I never thought of you as a sister. Trust me.” A beat, and then, “I was active duty. Overseas more often than not. Even if you’d wanted to start something with me, I wasn’t going to be around much. It wouldn’t have been fair, leaving you alone and making you worry every time I left on a mission I couldn’t tell you about.”

“I worried about you. All the time.” Stroking his stubbly cheek, I explain, “I knew the kinds of things you did. I researched the Rangers. And the Green Berets. I always worried. And I was always scared you wouldn’t come home.”

His eyes go soft. “Oh, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

“No. Don’t be sorry. You were doing something so brave. Important. I understood, even if it scared me.”

He hugs me and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Still. It was easier to think of you not worrying. Pursuing your dreams of being a PA. Finding the job you always wanted. I hate that you were worrying about me.”

I meet his gaze. “I will always worry about you. No matter what you’re doing.”

He goes silent, brows drawing down in a V. Finally, Niall says, “I used to think… that once I left the Army, if you were still single, I’d go to you. See if you wanted to give us a try. But then”—he shakes his head—“everything got so messed up. And I hurt you. Once I realized how badly I’d fucked up, there was no way…”

My heart twists. “I would have.”

Regret darkens his gaze. “I felt so guilty about everything. Shea. Hurting you. And I wasn’t in a great place, even before that.”

“Why?”

“Not long before I came back—when Shea was in the hospital—something happened. With Rhiannon. So I was already feeling guilty about that. Then with Shea being sick, hurting you…” With a rueful smile, Niall continues, “I know I’m not making much sense.”

I lace my fingers through his. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, I want to. So you understand. Not all the details, because it’s Rhi’s story to tell. But we—the rest of the team and I—had just discovered that she was being harassed. By a superior. It had been going on for a long time, but she didn’t want anyone to know. Didn’t want to be looked at differently. It was hard for her, being one of the only female Green Berets, so I understand… but we were her team. We would have had her back.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It had come to a head, and some pretty messed up stuff happened. Back then, I couldn’t help feeling like I let her down. Like I should have noticed. Done something. Then everything with Shea happened. And I lashed out at you when I was really angry with myself. I felt so shitty about that, Jade. You were so perfect and?—”

Shaking my head, I interject, “I’m not perfect. Trust me.”

“To me, you are. And I hurt you. After all those years of thinking about you. Seeing how wonderful you were. Thoughtful. The way you supported Shea when our parents died and I couldn’t be there.”

“Niall.” My tone is firm. “You made a mistake, just like I did. We both messed up. But we’re human. It happens. And that’s okay.”

“It’s easier to think that now.” His lips tug up. “Especially now that I have you.”

This time when Niall’s lips meet mine, it’s a claiming, just as he said he wanted to do.

When we finally pull apart, he hands me back my wine glass, which he somehow held steady during the minutes of kissing. Then he looks at me with so much love, tears burn behind my eyes. “You’ve always had my heart, Jade.”

“Niall.”

“I mean it. Once I met you, no one else came close.”

Don’t cry.

Swallowing back tears, I tell him, “I know how you felt. Because it was the same for me.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

NIALL

Is it too soon to ask Jade to move in with me?

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