Page 54 of Guarded from Corruption

Or as Quint put it when he stopped by yesterday to give us an update, “From what we’re putting together from the women’s statements, it sounds like they were being trained. Or at least, that was the goal. Whether they could have succeeded… we won’t know until we’ve tracked down all the women who were sold.”

Trained. Sold. It’s sickening.

But at least we stopped it. The twenty employees at the facility are in jail, currently throwing each other under the bus as fast as they can. At least thirty clients have been identified already, and once the tech experts at the FBI finish going through all the computers they seized, they should find the rest of them.

I just hope they find all the women. Even though the police and FBI seem certain they will, it still haunts me. What if there’s a woman out there, scared, trapped, and I could have helped her? What if she was one of the ones I left behind?

Not Olivia, at least. She was rescued that night, and although I haven’t spoken to her yet, I’ve heard she’s doing okay. I wanted to talk to her right away, but her parents kindly but firmly turned me away.

Do they blame me? Do they think I should have done something sooner? Do they think Olivia’s abduction was related to me?

“Jade.” Gently insistent, Niall’s voice interrupts my spiraling thoughts.

“What?”

His expression is filled with concern. “Where’d you go, hun?”

Forcing a smile, I pat his arm. “I’m right here.”

In a fluid move, Niall scoops me into his arms and sits me on his lap. He tugs the blanket up and tucks it around me, then leans back against the headboard and gazes down at me with a worried gaze. “You went somewhere, Jade. You were worrying. Feeling guilty again.” His finger strokes a line between my brows. “You have that little line that you always get when you’re stressed.”

For a second, I consider denying it, not wanting to give Niall yet another thing to worry about.

But if I trust him, doesn’t that mean with everything?

“I was feeling guilty,” I admit. “It’s hard not to feel like I should have done something else. Something sooner.”

There’s a moment when Niall just stares at me. Then he shakes his head and says firmly, “No, Jade. What you did… it was beyond brave. Escaping. Then putting yourself at risk again. There is nothing you should feel guilty about. If it weren’t for you—” Emotion thickens his voice. “I’m in awe of you, Jade. You’re so smart and strong and just?—”

“I don’t feel strong.” It’s quiet, said to my lap. “I feel guilty. And weak. I want to be that confident Jade you used to know. I want to be a good partner to you, instead of you having to comfort me all the time.”

“Jade—”

“I’m not usually like this.” Tears burn behind my eyes. “I don’t wake up screaming. I don’t spend hours cleaning and fussing with things that are already perfect. Worrying about things I shouldn’t. I…”

Glancing up at him, I continue quietly, “I have anxiety. And when it gets bad, sometimes it makes me do things obsessively. Cleaning. Organizing. Checking things. And sometimes I can’t make myself stop worrying. I wish I wasn’t like this, but?—”

“Ah, sweetheart.” Niall cups my cheek, brushing at a tear that escaped. “It’s okay.”

“I try to hide it. I don’t want people knowing. Not even Shea knows, not really. She knows I get stressed sometimes, but she doesn’t know about the cleaning… It’s not usually this bad, really, just…” My voice goes small. “It’s embarrassing. All these years I’ve prided myself on being strong and in control. But then…”

He jostles me slightly. “Jade. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Lots of people have anxiety. Lots of people struggle with stress and trauma in different ways. I know guys with PTSD, anxiety, depression… I understand. And you should never feel like you need to hide this from me. Talk to me. Tell me if there’s something I can do to help. And if there isn’t, I’ll just be there for you. Keeping you company while you deal with things.”

“Niall—”

“I think you’re perfect. I love that you’re strong, and smart, and independent. But I also love that you’re willing to be vulnerable with me. That you let me comfort you. I love how generous you are. How kind. And as hard as it was to watch, I love that you were willing to put yourself at risk to help people you didn’t even know.”

Each word is a balm to the raw feelings inside me.

“Jade, sweetheart.” As Niall looks at me, there’s a depth of emotion in his gaze. “I know this isn’t the best time, but that night… I swore to myself I’d tell you. I was waiting because you’ve been through so much. But… I love everything about you. Maybe it’s soon. But then again, I think I’ve known you were it for years.”

“Niall?”

“I’m falling for you, Jade. When I’m with you, everything feels right. I would do anything to make you happy. To protect you.” He stops. Then more hesitantly, Niall adds, “I know you might not feel the same way yet. But I hope… that maybe you will.”

Warmth blossoms in my chest.

My heart expands, filled with an indescribable lightness.

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