“No.” It comes out louder than I intended. In a lower tone, I say, “No. I want to get through this.”
So I take a deep breath and face the worst of it.
I tell them about the men who came to look at me.
Dressed in black scrubs and full black face masks, all I could see were their eyes as they leered at me.
All different body types—tall, short, lanky, rotund—all came into my room with the same intent. To inspect me.
“There was always a nurse in the room,” I recall in a near whisper. “Reminding the men what they could and couldn’t do. Each man had five minutes to… look. They could touch my arms and my face, but nothing else. One man tried to… reach for my breasts, and she rapped him with a little cane. Like a teacher used to punish a student.”
A low growl rumbles from beside me, and the fingers wrapped around mine go rigid.
“That’s when I knew for sure. Why they were there. Why I was there. Because they’d ask the nurse questions. How was my health? When would all the test results be back? Could they pay extra for genetic testing?”
Under his breath, Niall grits out, “Fuck.”
I don’t want to keep going, but I force myself to. “I didn’t want to believe it. But then… these two men came in together. I guess they were… friends? And they were talking. While one man touched my face, the other speculated about how much I’d go for. He thought I’d start at”—my lungs seize up for a second—“five million.”
All the air feels like it’s been sucked from the room.
My voice shakes as I continue. “Five million. And the man who had his clammy fingers on me said he’d pay double that. Triple if my genetics looked good.”
Now that the memories are loose, they’re ricocheting crazily in my head. Hungry gazes looking at me like something to buy. Something to own. Their hands on me, unable to get away. The first time I tried to say something, my voice slurring as I told them to leave me alone, and the nurse hissed at me, “We’d rather not use a gag. The clients don’t like them. But we will.”
I can’t breathe.
It feels like an earthquake in here. Is the couch shaking?
No. It’s me.
I’m not sure how much time goes by before I hear Niall say, “Jade. You need a break. This is enough for now.”
He’s no longer on the couch, but crouched on the floor in front of me, both his hands clasping mine. “Jade,” he repeats gently, “We can finish this later. Just breathe. You’re safe. Okay?”
“We can come back tomorrow,” Dante adds. “There’s no need to do this all now.”
Rhiannon’s eyes are filled with compassion. “But if you want to talk… I’m here.”
A reprieve. I can push this all back in the box again until tomorrow. I can watch a movie without paying attention to it while Niall fusses around me.
Except. I don’t want to put it off. I want to finish this.
“I don’t want a break.” Drawing on the same courage I had when I attacked the nurse, I set my shoulders and lift my chin. “I want to tell the rest of it.”
So I do.
While Niall holds my hands, I explain how I convinced the nurses to give me pills instead of injections, and how I hid the pills before spitting them out.
“Nice,” Rhiannon says quietly, nodding in appreciation.
I tell them how I only allowed myself to sleep in quick bursts; always on edge, afraid of missing something.
I take them through the days of relative lucidity when I came up with my plan. How I watched the nurses, tried to figure out their schedules, so I’d be ready when the blonde one came to check on me. And I describe the moments leading to my escape.
“I punched her in the throat.” This is mainly to Niall, though Dante and Rhiannon are listening intently. “I remembered you teaching us back in college. I practiced, back then.” The tiniest hint of a smile tugs at my lips. “I used a pillow.”
“Ah, Jade.” A strange expression crosses Niall’s face. “I never imagined… You shouldn’t have had to. But I’m so… Shit. Jade. That’s just…”