Page 72 of Plaything

Intense eyes watched me as he whispered, “The only thing being graded is how honest you can be with yourself.”

With my gaze roaming his handsome features, I nodded in a trance. This wouldn’t be easy for me, partly because asking what most of these things were was embarrassing. But also because I was (admittedly) a coward, and before I could be honest with them, I needed to be honest with myself.

During my childhood and adolescence, I was raised to be as perfect and proper as possible, at least in my father’s image. That included being taught that a woman or a wife was simply there to please her husband. I’d had this conversation with many etiquette coaches, but even when I was young, none of it made sense to me.

Though the conversations were sparse and seen as inappropriate, I remember thinking sex sounded more like an obligation than pleasure.

I convinced myself that in my adult life, I would end up with a man who didn’t care about what I wanted—simply, and credited to Sigmund, a man with very similar views to my father.

So, having this list and men who cared about what I wanted was more important to me than they’d ever know. My challenge was first admitting to myself that I wasn’t as cookie-cutter and normal as I was raised to be.

Although I never wanted that life for myself, it was what I’d always known, and it was comfortable. As intimidating as this list was, it was necessary if I truly wanted to break away from everything I rejected.

Just as Aiden said, I needed to be honest with myself. I fear that once I did this, I wouldn’t be able to go back. Suppose something should happen, and this ended badly. In that case, I’d never have the courage to be in a relationship like ours again. Could I settle for things that aren’t on this list? Would I ever want men who aren’t as caring and attentive as my professors?

Right now, the words on the paper were just kinks. But once I filled it out, I would be admitting to myself more than sexual desires. I would admit what I wanted. I want my professors—I know that. But I have yet to admit to myself that I wanted all the aspects that come with it. Deep down, I knew I did. It wasn’t an easy truth to accept.

Each checkbox’s hidden meaning was more than a yes, no, or maybe. It was who I was in spite of who I was raised to be.

One thing I was already certain of was that they were going to ruin every other man for me. No one could or would ever compare to the attention and care they’d shown me in the short time I’d known them.

“Is this list subject to change?” I questioned. With little to no experience, there was a good chance I’d mismark one of these kinks and realize that I liked or disliked it later.

“Definitely,” he chuckled with a smirk, probably thinking the same thing as I was.

Reesia stepped into the living room, lingering by the doorway like she was ready to retreat any moment. “Ready to go?” She gave me an eager grin.

Standing up, I placed my purse over my shoulder and began walking to the door. “See you later,” I smiled at Aiden. Why’d he have to pull away from our kiss so early? I wasn’t done, but I guess he had to be the responsible one and call it... for Reesia’s sake.

She skipped after me, catching up as we walked to her car. “I’ve got the whole day planned out. First, coffee and breakfast. Then, pedicures, shopping, probably froyo, then we’ll meet the guys at my house for drinks and dinner,” she explained. “Collin’s cooking.”

As pathetic as it sounded, this was my first girls’ day. I’d been out with Anna, but that was just to grab a bite after a game. This was a full-blown girls’ day. It was intimidating, but I was excited nonetheless. “That sounds perfect,” I agreed.

I didn’t miss the look of relief on her face as she got into her car. I wasn’t the only one expecting this day to go well.

We began our drive to town, and Reesia quickly filled the silence. “How’s it going so far?” She questioned, giving me a knowing look.

Her perceptive expression made me laugh, “What does that mean?” I blushed. Were we really that obvious?

“You know what I mean!” She cocked an eyebrow at me. “I knew from the second I saw you—okay, maybe like a few seconds in—that all of you would end up together. Then Niko was telling me about how pretty and smart and how good you smell—” she teased, mimicking Niko’s voice.

I couldn’t stop smiling if I tried. I was smitten that Niko said anything about meat, let alone such nice things. “He said that?” I interrupted.

She nodded, over-exaggerating the gesture for emphasis. “And more. By the end of his shpeel, even I got a crush on you,” she admitted.

We glanced at each other before we laughed. I relaxed, leaning back in my seat. “To answer your question, I think things are going really well.”

“Think?”

“I have nothing to compare it to,” I admitted.

“You’ve never had a boyfriend? Or girlfriend?” She added the second part with a smirk.

I shook my head, “Nope. And now I have four... men that I kiss,” I shrugged. They weren’t my boyfriends. “It’s a drastic difference, but it doesn’t feel overwhelming.”

She gave me a comforting smile. “Hey, I owe you an apology,” she changed the subject quickly.

Confused, I pushed my eyebrows together.

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