Page 28 of Capuleto

"We'll take her," Nikita declared without looking at me.

"Hold on, hold on. A female?! We were talking about getting a dog!"

"What's the problem? Are you going to discriminate against her because of her gender?" Nikita got defensive. "She has already proven that she is a magnificent animal. Haven't you seen all that she's done? Are we going to pass her over because she's female?"

"No!" I exclaimed, horrified. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Well, as soon as Brutus sees her, you know what he's going to want to do..." I hinted discreetly. She relaxed a bit because she understood where I was going.

"Bite her?" Adriano looked at me scared.

"Do you have a violent dog at home?" That was the trainer.

"No, not at all, our other dog is wonderful, just a bit exuberant," Nikita lightly coughed. "Is the female spayed?" The trainer looked at me offended.

"I would never dream of neutering such a magnificent animal. She's the best female in the litter and has been an FCI champion. Doing that would be sacrilegious, if anyone needs neutering, it’s the other animal."

"What is neutering? Putting a cape on like Superman?" Adriano inquired.

"More like cutting Brutus's balls off," Nikita blurted out without thinking. My son instinctively covered his groin.

"Nobody is cutting anything off Brutus! Dad!" the boy screamed in fear.

I was getting overwhelmed. On one hand, my son was tugging at my pants, and on the other, I could already see myself like in the movie '101 Dalmatians', running around the garden picking up dog poop. I tried to steer the situation back on course.

"Let's all calm down. Is there any contraceptive method for dogs that doesn't involve having to cut anything off anyone or going to the vet every so often for the morning-after pill?"

The breeder looked at me as if thinking, "what zoo did this guy escape from?" Until Adriano arrived, I hadn't had pets, so I was quite out of my depth. He probably thought I was an absolute idiot.

"Are you asking this man if he sells condoms for dogs?" Nikita shot the question at me with surgical precision.

"What are condoms?" Did my wife not understand that Adriano would question everything he didn't understand?

The trainer looked at me with his arms crossed over his chest. Inside, he must have been laughing his head off seeing me sweat so much.

"He's talking about the leash," I interjected, before things got worse and we ended up discussing prophylactics.

"Leashes, collars, and accessories we have in the store," the employee pointed out. "I mention it in case you want to take the boy for a walk while I resolve all your husband's doubts regarding family planning," the man said discreetly.

"Yes! Let's go see the collars and leashes, please. Lady Killer has to look like a queen. Can we go, Nikita?" Adriano grabbed my wife's hand, nearly pulling her off her feet as he tugged on her fingers unabashedly.

In the end, getting the damn dog might have been a good idea.

An hour and a half later, we were in the garden at home, and as expected, Lady Killer was showing Brutus who was going to be in charge, donned in a red collar studded with Swarovski crystals.

As the trainer had warned, the Doberman was a natural leader, and if our Brutus was an emotionally stable dog, he would sense her energy and show submissiveness as soon as he met her.

That's exactly what happened; they sniffed each other, he showed his respects, and Lady Killer was already strutting around the garden like a queen.

Ana María, Adriano, Nikita, and I watched them from the kitchen.

Soon, Brutus started a trot that made me squint in case I needed to intervene, but no, all the dog was trying, as expected, was to mount the ebony princess, who promptly barked him into place.

"Just like his owner..." muttered my cook, prompting a smile from Nikita.

"They get along well, don't they?"

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