Page 144 of Koroleva

"Type in goddess Kali and read out loud what comes up." "A goddess, of course, I thought it was some kind of weird Buddha." I did as he asked, driven more by curiosity.

"Let's see. It says here: 'Kali is a violent Hindu goddess associated with death and destruction. She is depicted as dark and violent.' Very you," I remarked, prompting another smile from him. "'She is known as the wife of the god Shiva,' I continued, 'sometimes depicted dancing on him or wielding knives, splattered with the blood of her victims, from whom she wears a severed hand as a garland.' Uhm, I like this girl." R nodded, and I finished with the last line. "'She is also known as Kalika'."

That word made me catch my breath. It reminded me too much of the term Yuri used to call me, only a letter apart.

"What? You're blown away, aren't you? Do you see yourself represented? I'm sure it was a prophecy. Did you know they finished the tattoo a month before we got married? My subconscious wanted to put you on my skin, fate knew that this bloody, dancing goddess was going to do it over me every night."

With my husband’s reflection hovering in my mind, I managed to tear my eyes away from the screen and look at him, who was watching me with a playful smile. I processed what he had just said along with the description of the goddess.

"Are you telling me that I'm the reincarnation of a Hindu goddess?"

"No, if reincarnation exists, it would be impossible for you to be reincarnated as anything but yourself. If I compare the two of you, you have the upper hand, I'm convinced you're much more beautiful, smart, sexy, and utterly bloodthirsty." This time, I was the one who smiled. He watched me lazily, arms behind his head.

"You should do it more."

"Do what?"

"Smile. When you do, anything seems possible." His reflection warmed my cheeks like a silly, lovestruck teenager.

"Don't be ridiculous," I said, trying to hide my blush by tucking my hair behind my ear. He didn't seem to notice, probably thinking it was because of the sun rather than his compliments.

"You think it's ridiculous that I like seeing you smile?"

I didn’t think my lips could stretch any wider, but they did. It would be best to continue drinking my coffee and let the caffeine clear my head. I took a long sip and searched for a safer topic.

"Why did you get that tattoo?"

"Because Kali promotes destruction as a fundamental part of love," he said. "She represents the cycle of life that has existed and will continue. Life, death, and rebirth."

"I didn’t know I married Smurf Philosopher."

"There are many things you don't know about me."

"Such as?"

"That you married a guy who’s too turned on by his wife."

I admired him as one might view a museum piece, with a dry mouth and a longing. Evaluating every angle, every prominence, the way the light fell on him making him so damn perfect. I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"When I was little, my brother used to call me Kalinka," I blurted out unexpectedly. I didn’t even know why I told him that; it was a part only Yuri and I shared.

"What?"

"Kalinka."

"Yes, I heard you, it's just that you caught me off guard." I felt a bit ridiculous and felt the need to explain.

"Your goddess is known as Kalika, it was in the explanation, I just found it curious and... never mind," I dismissed the thought with a wave of my hand, "I was thinking out loud."

"I like that you share your thoughts with me, I tend to make associations too."

"Like with goddesses?"

"You are my goddess," he reflected, without a hint of doubt in his voice. It was so emphatic that something inside me wavered.

How could my enemy, the person I hated most in this world, also be someone I had this urgent need to accumulate seconds with? The sex was great, our chemistry was explosive, but it wasn't just about that, it was something else that clung to me inside and made me wonder what was wrong.

R reached out his hand for me to take.

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